


ignite me

by gabilliam (vvhymack)



Series: - [2]
Category: NCT (Band)
Genre: Angst, Friends With Benefits, Fuckbuddies, M/M, fwb to lovers
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-04-05
Updated: 2019-12-16
Packaged: 2020-01-05 09:59:42
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 43,133
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18363749
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/vvhymack/pseuds/gabilliam
Summary: Kun had often thought about what it would feel like to kiss Johnny, had imagined it a hundred different ways from soft kisses to harsh slamming of mouths but the reality was something Kun couldn’t put into words because this situation wasn’t one he’d thought he’d be in. He thought they’d confess, that the kisses would be teeming with love and desperation. At least he got the desperation, with Johnny gasping into his mouth when Kun licked lightly against his lips.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> this is a sequel to the doyu fic but you don't have to read it to be able to read this!

Kun, for the most part, was quite content with his life. It was by no means perfect, and he always felt like he was striving for better but it was a steady growth. At 26, he had a stable job he enjoyed, he was working on his own projects, and he had an active social life. Overall, it was a good life.

It was something Kun reminded himself of quite often. To be grateful, that he was better off than a lot of other people. He made sure to give to the homeless and donate to causes he believed in. He worked hard at his job, always learning more.  _It’s not a bad life, Qian Kun_ , he told himself.  _It’s not a bad life._

“Oh, my God,  _what_ ,” Sicheng snapped and Kun came back to himself. His brain halted from its mantra of telling himself it’s not that bad and focused on the man in front of him.

“What?” Kun replied.

“You’re not paying attention to me,” Sicheng pointed out with a slight pout.

“Sorry, I’m distracted,” Kun said apologetically.

“What’s wrong?” Sicheng asked, which was a fair question.

What  _was_  wrong? Well, for starters, Kun hadn’t been sleeping well recently. This led to him not only being tired but also grumpy and easily irritated. What was worse was that he couldn’t figure out  _why_  he didn’t feel at ease, why he felt like he was missing something. It was something close to sexual frustration but not quite, since Kun had gotten himself off several times but the feeling of being unsatisfied had persisted after the high had worn off.

“I’m just tired,” Kun gave the only explanation that he could, without delving into a topic far too introspective for a simple lunch.

“What’re you working on?” Sicheng asked, continuing to eat now that he knew Kun was  _there_  in the restaurant with him and not off in his head somewhere.

“Writing for Night Night,” Kun replied. “I’m also proofreading Renjun’s work for him.”

“Is he paying you for that?” Sicheng asked drily.

“He can barely afford to feed himself,” Kun said, rolling his eyes. “Besides, his stories are actually good.”

The conversation moved easily from there until it was getting late and Kun had to head back to work. Work was good to Kun. He enjoyed it a lot and it was something he worked hard at, always looking for ways to improve. His coworkers were wonderful for the most part if a little strange at times. His own group of friends from work were almost like family to him. And like family, they sometimes frustrated him.

“Jaehyun,  _no_ ,” Kun said exasperatingly. Jaehyun shot him a puppy-eyed look that almost crumbled him but Kun kept his cool. “We are  _not_  doing another segment on Bigfoot!”

“But it’ll annoy Johnny so much,” Jaehyun whined and Kun bit back a smile. Jaehyun didn’t whine at too many people, being a calm, collected and extremely polite boy to most people. It made moments like these even more special, knowing Kun was in his special circle of people he could be vulnerable and open with and Kun quietly revelled in it. “He forgot to do the groceries, Kun hyung!”

“What?” Kun frowned at the words. That was unlike Johnny, who normally kept his shared apartment with Jaehyun stocked more than it strictly needed to be. “Is he okay?”

“ _He_  is fine,” Another voice joined their conversation as Johnny appeared on Kun’s other side. “They were out of eggs and kale, what did you want me to do?”

“I had to go to Yuta hyung’s house to have breakfast!” Jaehyun pouted. “And I got scarred in the process.”

“Have cereal like the rest of us,” Johnny shot back.

“I’m trying to gain muscle,” Jaehyun whined petulantly. “I need  _protein_.”

“How did you get scarred?” Kun asked, already knowing the answer.

“Doyoung hyung and Yuta hyung were going at it, which is surprising considering how much of a morning person Doyoung hyung  _isn’t_ ,” Jaehyun replied, wincing at the thought.

“And why did you go to  _Yuta_  for breakfast?” Kun asked, confused. Yes, Doyoung’s boyfriend Yuta had become a natural part of their friend group but Yuta wasn’t a particularly great cook. Why Jaehyun went to him when he could have gone to Kun or Taeyong was beyond him.

“Because we’re working out together! I know he would have had what I wanted,” Jaehyun said sadly, lips turning downwards as he threw up a fist like a fucking emoji before kicking Kun’s desk, letting his wheelie chair take him away.

Kun finally turned to the man towering over him and saw Johnny watch Jaehyun go with a mixture of fondness and sheer disbelief. He met Kun’s eyes a moment later and turned defensive.

“I feed him!” Johnny protested at Kun’s judgmental look. Kun bit back a smile. It was all too easy to rile up Johnny and he was absolutely  _adorable_ when flustered. He got more flustered than usual around Kun, especially when Kun smiled. This information normally would have delighted Kun and it did, but the feeling was quickly being replaced by anxiety at Johnny’s obliviousness.

Don’t get it wrong, Johnny was smart in his own way. He was intuitive and a quick learner, emotionally intelligent and observant but he somehow missed every flirtatious cue Kun sent him until Kun just gave up. It simply felt as though Johnny  _did_ pick up on what Kun was signalling but was uninterested. And yes, the blushing and flustered words continued and Kun began finding it annoying endearing, perhaps the symptoms of his feelings changing from a mere crush to something more. He wasn’t pining, per se. He was more waiting for Johnny to wake the fuck up and let him suck his dick. The wait was growing to become painful. (Much like his dick.)

Even now, with his body tilted towards Kun, fondness evident on his face, Johnny still didn’t get it. It had become endearing, although Kun did exchange exasperated look with his other friends, all of whom had picked up on Kun’s feelings before Johnny had. When Kun looked up at Johnny with hearts in his eyes, Johnny didn’t see it in the way Kun wanted and instead smiled back.

“How was lunch?” Johnny asked. “How’s Sicheng?”

“Good,” Kun replied, turning back to his desk. A glance of the computer screen with the half-written draft for a segment instantly gave him a headache and he snapped his laptop shut instinctively.

“Are you okay?” Johnny asked, concerned, placing a hand on Kun’s back. It felt nice, a warm and steady pressure that Kun leant back into.

“Just tired,” Kun repeated for what felt like the 20th time that day. He sagged against his chair as Johnny rubbed circles on his back. They stayed like that for a moment before Kun suddenly got up and stretched, wanting to shake the tiredness off. Johnny’s hand slipped off his back and he wasn’t quick to move.

It was a moment taken straight out of the dramas Kun watched, with wide eyes and skipping heartbeats, bodies too close together. Kun saw Johnny breathe in, felt himself flush, heard romantic music- wait,  _what?_

Both Johnny and Kun startled apart, looking for the source of the noise.

Doyoung stood there with his eyes closed and hands waving slowly above his head, clutching the phone which was emitting the offending sound.

“Love is in the air~,” He sang during the instrumental break and opened his eyes to see Kun glaring at him. “Oh, hey! Didn’t see you there!”

“Sure, you didn’t,” Kun muttered, falling back onto his chair.

“Is that your new song?” Johnny asked, going over to Doyoung. Kun felt the absence but ignored it, opening his laptop again.

“What do you mean? Haven’t you heard it?” He heard Doyoung’s scandalized voice grow distant, indicating that they were walking away. Kun sighed. He opened the document and tried his best to write his frustration away. He was fine. Kun was fine.

“Are you okay?” Their head writer asked him two days later with a frown as she looked over his final draft.

“Is it not good?” Kun asked. He could make it better before the deadline, he didn’t  _really_ need sleep-

“It’s good,” Chaeyoung said firmly, halting his spiralling thoughts of pulling an allnighter. “It’s just- very cynical. Not like you.”

“Oh,” Kun said sheepishly. “Uh, I can make it lighter, give me a few hours.”

“No, it’s fine,” Chaeyoung said, holding the papers away from him. “I think you need to make yourself lighter.”

“I wish,” Kun said with a laugh.

“Then why don’t you?” She asked and Kun paused, tilting his head questioningly. “Take some days off, Kun. You’re a hard worker and you haven’t taken any days off for what feels like years.”

“But-” Kun started protesting but Chaeyoung cut him off.

“No buts,” she said. “Wonwoo is coming back from his leave next week. I highly suggest you put in a request for a week of leave into HR for when he arrives.”

“But- work,” Kun said feebly. He wasn’t entirely against the idea of leave, and the more he thought about it, the more appealing it sounded.

“Work will go on without you for a week. In fact, it might be better for your work. You’re obviously stressed and burnt out and  _tired_. As much I love this nihilistic approach to life, it’s not something we can do every week. Take a break, Kun.”

“It’s  _optimistic_  nihilism!”

“Whatever it may be. I’ll have a word with HR if you don’t,” Her tone was dismissive, indicating she was done discussing this.

“Okay,” Kun found himself saying and he didn’t regret it when Chaeyong smiled brightly at him. He smiled back, thankful he had people in his life who looked out for him in such a way, even when those people where just his work superiors and really nothing more.

As the week went on, Kun became more and more excited at the prospect of having days off. Normally, Kun took comfort in routine and it never really bothered him how monotonous his days were. He woke up, had breakfast, went to work, often had lunch with his friends or alone with a book or TV show or YouTube videos. At least twice a week, he hung out with his friends outside of work, his friend group would gather someplace for a collective hang out often enough for it to be expected. He spoke to his parents twice a week and tried to keep up with his childhood friends in China at least once a month. But now, the routine dragged him down. He found himself not wanting to wake in the morning, his office felt claustrophobic, even his work felt lacklustre. The likely culprit was just exhaustion.

He was telling Ten about it one night when Ten dropped the bomb that he’d be back just in time for Kun’s break.

“How come?” Kun asked. As far as he knew, Ten’s performance tour had two more stops over the next week.

“Oh, someone got murdered in the theatre,” Ten said casually and Kun could hear him plop on the bed.

“What?” Kun gasped. “Is it anyone from the crew? The performers?”

“No, no, it was just a random murder,” Ten said. He seemed unaffected by the implication that the stage he’d been dancing across for at least 2 shows if Kun was remembering correctly had become a crime scene because someone had  _died_  there. “But it  _is_  now an active crime scene so our show for tomorrow night is cancelled and then we might have to cancel our last stop because of some terrorist threat.”

“Please come back,” Kun whined. He didn’t like Ten being out there among murders and terrorism and would very much like his best friend back in Seoul, preferable inside Kun’s house where Kun could feed him and hold his hand.

“Oh, baby,” Ten cooed. “I will be on Sunday!”

“Don’t baby me, you child,” Kun huffed. “Do you want me to pick you up from the airport?”

“No, I’ll get a KakaoTaxi to your place around 5 p.m.?”

Kun made a hum of acknowledgement and already started devising his plans for Sunday and what to cook and when to wake up as they continued their conversation well into the night.

Before he knew it, repetitive days turned into his last day of work for 2 weeks. (He had filed for a week but since there would be no studio recordings for the week after, and the current writers were more than enough, HR had kindly suggested (at Chaeyongs strongly worded email) that he take another week off since things would get busier after.)

“Enjoy yourself,” Wonwoo said as Kun packed up for the day. It had been a day with a light workload, mostly just bringing Wonwoo up to speed with what had been going on during his leave, updating him on changes to their future plans and themes.

“I will!” Kun said brightly. He was genuinely excited to take a break from this office, despite how much he loved his work. He was a little sad he wouldn’t see his friends on a regular basis for a couple of weeks but undoubtedly, they’d still find their way to him in some form or another.

He also wouldn’t be seeing Johnny consistently but perhaps that was for the best. He was becoming increasingly frustrated by  _that_  relationship as well, although by no fault of Johnny’s, of course. It was nice having a crush, but slowly, Kun had developed actual feelings for Johnny and despite Johnny being incredibly close to an actual literal boyfriend from the way they behaved, he  _wasn’t_  and the game was getting tiring. Johnny saw him as a friend, a close friend, but a friend none of the less and Kun needed to give his heart a break as well.

So, when he went into the studio to say goodbye, he took in his fill of Johnny before starting his Johnny abstinence diet. It was unlikely that it was a sustainable diet in any way since his friend group was honestly a little unhealthily codependent on each other so it’s likely he’d see most of these faces he was leaving behind at least a handful of times over the next two weeks. Still, he would try.

“Take care of yourself,” Johnny said, looking up with big earnest eyes and Kun was torn between punching or kissing the look off his face. Thankfully, he did neither, only nodding and smiling painfully. When he looked up, Doyoung sent him a knowing look but kept his laughter in until they’d left the studio.

“Oh, wow,” Doyoung laughed as he walked Kun out of the office towards the elevators. He wasn’t being polite, he just wanted more time to make fun of Kun. “He really is something.”

“Shut up,” Kun pouted. Usually, he put up with their soft bullying of him, knowing it was entirely good-natured but now he felt more viscerally than ever how right they were when teased about how oblivious the object of his affections was. Perhaps this came across in his tone as Doyoung looked at him cautiously.

“Hey,” Doyoung said seriously after a moment, his voice going softer and kinder. “It’s okay, he’ll come around.”

“When?” Kun asked, exhausted. Doyoung wrapped an arm around Kun’s shoulder and rubbed his arm soothingly.

“Soon, okay? He’s not that dumb,” Doyoung comforted, a sudden stark difference from his mocking earlier. Those were the contradictions of Kim Dongyoung. In summary, he attack but he also protecc.

“Yes, he is,” Kun insisted.

“Stop that,” Doyoung reprimanded. He hugged Kun closer before letting him go. “Don’t go into your vacation with that attitude.”

“You’re right,” Kun admitted. He was  _fine_. He was going to go home, rest,  _relax_  and then Ten would come over and they’d get drunk and  _then_  he’d whine.

“I’m always right. Now go home and rest,” Doyoung said, quickly hugging him. “You deserve it.”

He proceeded to do just that, grabbing take out on the way which he ate in his bed catching up to dramas he’d abandoned for overworking months ago. He fell asleep before midnight with the video still playing, exhaustion taking over.

Saturday morning found Kun waking up instinctually early in the morning, reaching for his phone. It lay lifeless between his sheets and when his sleep addled brain remembered that he didn’t have to go into work, Kun fell back into slumber quickly. He woke up at various points across the morning but he simply turned over and went back to sleep each time, chasing oblivion. The warmth and comfort of his comforter and his bed kept him in swallowed up by them well into the day. Kun only got up when his stomach started complaining as well as his bladder.

Even then, he didn’t switch on his phone or put it on charge, knowing he’d feel the urge to socialize or check up on things if it was on. Instead, he left it dead on his side table and took a shower, exchanging his sleep clothes for cleaner sleep clothes. He had no intentions to leave his apartment that day.

He put on music, nothing harsh for the time being, mostly soft songs or ballads which he sang along to while making breakfast- Kun looked at the clock and winced to himself. Well, then. Cooking a late lunch.

He ate his food at the breakfast bar, reading a book he hadn’t been able to finish in over 7 months. After food, he migrated with his book from the bar to the couch, where he lounged until dark. He put the book down when he felt hungry again and contemplated cooking before just ordering in. He was cooking tomorrow for Ten and if he cooked now, he’d have to do the dishes and pack away leftovers and the thought of that was just too exhausting in his current state.

When he climbed into bed later that night, he looked contemplatively at his phone. Perhaps he should switch it on, see if anyone reached out to him or if anyone needed anything. In the end, he decided to put it on charge but keep it switched off, telling himself he could check it tomorrow morning before falling asleep quickly.

A shrill ringing woke him up and he sat up in panic mode. It took him a few confused, heart racing moments to realize that the insistent ringing was his doorbell. He leapt out of bed and stumbled to the door, wincing at the bright light coming in when he opened his door and realized it was morning.

He flung open his door only to find himself being suffocated by an armful of Ten. He knew it was Ten because of the smell of his shampoo and how he felt his in arms and his earrings that Kun could see.

“I missed you,” Came a muffled voice against Kun’s neck where Ten’s face was buried. Kun laughed and patted Ten’s back.

“I missed you too,” He replied sincerely. He walked slowly backwards with Ten still attached to him and closed the door. “Is it 5 p.m. already?”

“Nope,” Ten said, finally pulling away. “The flight left earlier and I got through the airport in record time. It’s a little past 2 in the afternoon. Did you  _just_  wake up?”

“Mhm,” Kun said sleepily, stretching. “You woke me up. I didn’t even prepare any dinner.”

“Let’s have brunch!” Ten suggested. “Airplane food was fucking  _disgusting_ , they amaze me every time.”

“You know aeroplane food is just normal food, your taste buds just go wacky when you’re on a plane,”

“Whatever! We live in an age of innovation, you’d think they’d have figured out how to make food taste decent on aeroplanes since I doubt that we’re going to stop using air travel anytime soon.”

It was nice to have Ten back. He’d been gone three months but it felt like forever. Even before he’d left, he’d been so busy with rehearsals that Kun felt like he hadn’t seen him properly in a good year. It was an exaggeration but it didn’t stop Kun from milking it, cuddling into Ten on his couch after they’d eaten whatever they could find.

“So, how’re things going?” Ten asked seriously, carding his fingers through Kun’s hair. They’d talked about the superficial everyday things over brunch but Kun knew what Ten was talking about.

“They’re - frustrating,” Kun said, struggling to find the words even though he made his living as a writer. Sometimes words didn’t come to him easily, forcing him instead to navigate through an abundance of words that weren’t  _quite right_.

“How so?”

“I’m tired,” Kun sighed. “Not to go all 2010 emo teenager on you, but I’m the kind of tired sleep can’t fix.”

“Oh, I’m sending that to Johnny,” Ten giggled.

“Urgh, that fucker,” Kun muttered with surprising menace that even Ten startled back.

“Damn, what did he do?”

“More like what he  _hasn’t_  done,” Kun whined. “When the fuck is he going to get the hint? No, wait, you know what? He gets the hint. He’s not dumb, he knows what’s going on. He’s just  _ignoring_ it!”

“I mean, he’s probably scared, you know,” Ten reasoned, easing back. He knew Johnny better than most people and Kun was inclined to believe him.

“Well, so am I!” Kun grumbled. “Does he think I’m all chill? I have stakes in this too, you know! And like, scared of  _what_? It’s not like we’re strangers and people literally mistake us for being a couple all the time!”

“I mean, probably,” Ten said patiently. “You have your life pretty together.”

“So does he! I’m tired of the same old,” Kun trying to snuggle deeper into Ten somehow.

“That tickles, stop- stop it!” Ten said, whacking Kun’s head. A pout had him petting Kun’s hair instead. “Then change it, dumbass. Just tell him how you feel. This is making you surprisingly violent and petulant.”

“No,” Kun insisted.

“Why the fuck not?”

“Because,” Kun said in a small voice. “What if he doesn’t do anything because he doesn’t like me back?”

Ten froze under him.

“Kun, what the fuck?” Ten said softly and sincerely.

“I’m serious,” Kun continued, his worst thoughts swirling to the forefront, demanding to be vomited out. “Johnny isn’t exactly one to hold back his affections or not tell people how he feels. We don’t know for sure if he even likes me like that. Even if he does, maybe he doesn’t  _want_  to and that’s why he’s behaving this way.”

“You really think that?” Ten asked quietly.

Kun did, in his worst hours, which had become staggeringly more frequent recently. He was human and it was hard not to feel insecure. A primal part of him wanted to be loved but the object of his affections seemed unaware of his intentions. He nodded.

“How long?” Ten asked.

“Not sure,” Kun said with a shrug. “At first, I thought it was just my exhaustion making me negative. But now- I don’t know, Ten.”

“Why don’t you talk to him about it?” Ten asked. It was easy for Ten to say. He and Johnny were best friends who had nothing secret between them, they freely talked about everything so Kun understood that Ten couldn’t fathom simply  _not talking_  to Johnny about something.  

“Because it’s not his fault,” Kun sighed deeply. They’d spent so much time not talking about it, not mentioning it, that it felt wrong and terrifying to bring it up now. He was scared that maybe it was all in his head after all and he really didn’t want his worst fears confirmed. “I feel like I have so much emotional baggage and the last thing I want to do is dump it on him, you know? Maybe this was all just me getting all worked up over nothing-”

“Kun, I don’t think-” Ten started but Kun stopped him.

“I know that. No one thinks that. But there’s a chance,” Kun said honestly. “And if there’s a chance, then I don’t want to put this on him because it’s  _Johnny_  and he would feel so guilty and that’s the last thing I want.”

“I think he would rather know than not know,” Ten pointed it out. “Maybe he’s just as scared as you are.”

Kun scoffed at the thought. Johnny was a lot of things but he was never afraid to talk about things, no matter how uncomfortable. It was one of the things that made him a great host and MC, it was why he was so successful in his field. His communication skills were amazing and with that ability came observation. Kun had seen the way Johnny would observe his audience, his co-stars, his interviewees, making sure he was always asking the right questions and pressing on the right issues and not making anyone uncomfortable. It was certainly a talent that spilt into his personal life and his relationship with his friends. Johnny was never scared of confrontation or intervention because he truly did think talking things out was the best course of action.

“I doubt that,” Kun said.

“Still, you should at least try,” Ten insisted and Kun pulled away, shaking his head.

“It’s my choice, Ten,” Kun said. “I don’t want to talk to him about this.”

“Then what’re you going to do?” Ten asked, rolling his eyes. “Wither away in loneliness? You’re romantically frustrated, Kun and you’ve never been one to not want to be in a relationship. Your last one was 5 years ago.”

“I don’t know,” Kun groaned and Ten sighed, pulling Kun against him again. “I just want to forget about him for a little bit.”

“You need a distraction?” Ten asked in amusement. Kun huffed, knowing what kind of distraction Ten meant and rolled his eyes at the surprised laughter that burst out of Ten when Kun nodded.

-

Kun gazed at himself in the mirror thoughtfully. It had been a while since he’d dressed up for clubbing in such a way. It wasn’t that he didn’t go, he went with his friends occasionally but he never dressed as though he was looking for anything that night other than the company of his friends. Tonight, it was different.

“Normally, you look like someone I would get a mortgage with without a second doubt,” Jaehyun said when Kun walked out of his room. Ten, Jaehyun and Jungwoo had congregated at his place to “help him get ready” but in reality, they were just getting drunk and being judgmental assholes about every outfit he’d tried on. “But  _that_ -” The sentence ended in a poor attempt at a wolf whistle. The drinks were apparently getting to him.

Kun looked at himself in the full-length mirror. It wasn’t anything particularly special, with ripped jeans and loose-fitting silk shirt tucked into it. He liked the way the material of the shirt fell on his shoulders, the way the undone buttons exposed him just enough. His dusty blonde hair was done up and his roots were growing in just enough to cast a shadow, making his entire look darker. Coupled with the light makeup and boots, he thought he looked pretty good.

“Can we get going already?” Jungwoo asked. Kun was sure he’d seen him down a considerate amount of alcohol but he seemed entirely unaffected, lounging on the couch delicately with his legs crossed.

“Yeah, yeah, baby boy, be patient,” Ten said offhandedly, looking Kun over and not seeing the way Jungwoo mildly flushed at the pet name. “Kun, don’t you have a choker you can wear?”

“Why?” Kun asked. Kun wasn’t really an accessories person and chokers, in particular, were something he wasn’t really fond of, having to persistently fix it back into position all the time.

“It’ll look nice with the shirt you have on,” Ten said, walking up to him, unfastening the accessory around his own neck. “Here, take mine.”

Kun could barely fumble out a protest before the choker was pulling at his neck and Ten did the clasp. Ten stepped back to admire his handiwork, the way his touch had added a little something to the outfit.

“Great! Don’t get any come on it,” Ten sang, dancing out of the way when Kun tried to hit him.

Kun had no intention of, as Ten so eloquently put it, getting any come on it, or anywhere near him that night. He had neither the inclination or the will power to sleep with a stranger and hoping Johnny came to his senses and fucked him behind the club in an alleyway was too much to ask for, so he didn’t have any hopes. He just wanted to let loose and have some fun, throw away his inhibitions for the night.

It’s exactly what he did as soon as they entered the club, letting the first attractive person who put a hand on his waist drag him away to the dancefloor. The person who’d dragged him away had a pretty smile and the weight of their hand felt warm and guiding rather than insistent and it was exactly the kind of energy that Kun wanted to get lost in. Ten followed easily, laughing along to something that was said while Jaehyun and Jungwoo wandered off towards the bar or the tables to look for the others. As far as Kun remembered, their entire friend ground had been invited but he couldn’t remember how many had confirmed that they were coming.

He  _did_  remember that Johnny had said he’d try his best to make it but Kun tried to forget that fact as Ten pulled him closer, the thoughts scattered as the sound of the music penetrated his mind. It was easy to lose himself in the feeling, especially when Ten was always within touching distance, ensuring Kun’s comfort and safety. Occasionally, he saw Ten’s eyes flash warningly at people behind him and it filled him with warmth.

They only pulled out of the dancefloor when they were starting to get parched and a sheen of sweat had developed. They waved goodbye to the person who’d been dancing with them, who’d dragged Kun onto the dancefloor before going to the bar, hoping to find their friends.

They first spotted Yuta and Doyoung sitting on stools at the bar. Doyoung was gesturing wildly, complaining about things that were out of their earshot while Yuta looked on dotingly, occasionally pulling a sympathetic face when he was caught staring. It was undoubtedly something Yuta had heard Doyoung ramble about on end multiple times but he still allowed his boyfriend to go on about it at a bar while they were supposed to be out with friends letting loose with the most lovestruck look on his face. It made something in Kun ache and it reminded him of his own yearning.

It wasn’t a lot to ask for, was it? To have someone who looked at him the way Doyoung and Yuta looked at each other. Doyoung and Yuta were such an unlikely pair but that just made them perfect for each other, in Kun’s opinion. They complimented each other, bringing out the best in one another while working through their worst tendencies together. Kun didn’t think he could be around such disgusting displays of blatant love right then and he turned, taking a startled Ten with him.

“Drinks,” Ten whined, making grabby hands towards the bar they were walking away from. “Doyoung and Yuta will buy me a drink if I pout enough!”

“I’m sure Jaehyun’s already settled with a beer at the table,” Kun reasoned. Jaehyun was like that. He’d get up, get hyped beyond belief and tire himself out quickly before settling down. He would repeat the routine a couple of times throughout the night. It was a little odd but Kun didn’t question it. True to Kun’s words, Jaehyun was lounging in a booth, bopping his head to the beat. Beside him was Johnny and surprisingly, Taeil.

Taeil was a new addition to their little (it wasn’t little) group and Kun was still a little starstruck, especially now when the lights of the club made Taeil glow and the way he was dressed made it obvious he was  _someone_  with a ridiculously handsome side profile. Beside him, both Johnny and Jaehyun also looked different, almost unapproachable and intimidating as though the aura of Taeil extended to them both.

Or perhaps Kun was simply dehydrated because Ten seemed to have no such thoughts as he squealed out Johnny’s name, bounding towards them radiating joy.

It wasn’t that it was easy to forget that Ten wasn’t only Kun’s best friend and that Johnny and Ten were incredibly close because neither shut up about the other. It was just that since his talk with Ten, Ten had started talking about Johnny less, as though there was an unspoken Johnny Ban as Kun tried to rest. It was much appreciated and Kun felt slightly bad about it now, watching Ten babble happily to Johnny, stealing his drink. He didn’t let it affect him though since it was Ten’s own caring choice to do so.

Johnny looked up as he nodded along to Ten and caught Kun’s eye. Kun smiled back instinctively at the grin that was thrown at him. He averted his gaze quickly, meeting Jaehyun’s hazy eyes instead. Jaehyun gave him a soft eye smile, face becoming doughy, and patted the space next to him. Kun slid in easily, quickly greeting Taeil before turning to Jaehyun, asking he could get a sip of his drink.

“I got you one,” Jaehyun said, gesturing at the drink beside his. Condensation dripping down the side of glass told Kun it had been there for a while but Kun didn’t mind, touched by the consideration as he always was, even though he should expect it at this point. It was his favourite as well. He smiled softly at Jaehyun before bringing the glass to his lips, trying his best not to simply guzzle it down.

His breathing was returning to normal and he was comprehending more of the conversation around him, the rumble of Johnny’s voice standing out to him as always. He added his two cents in whichever topic they were talking about, the conversation between the five of them jumping from topic to topic too often for Kun to get particularly involved or invested for long. His eyes began to wander soon and landed on the bar, where the seats that Yuta and Doyoung left behind were vacant. Kun didn’t even want to think about what they were doing and quickly averted his gaze. The person he had been dancing with earlier was leaning against the edge of the bar, downing a drink spectacularly and Kun laughed to himself at the sight. His eyes wandered towards the door at the right time. He heard himself gasp at the person that walked in, automatically getting to his feet. Beside him, Jaehyun started cursing under his breath desperately.

“What’s wrong?” He heard Johnny say but Kun was already walking away.

“Sicheng!” Kun called out and the blonde head turned towards him. He saw gratitude swim in Sicheng’s eyes as he approached him.

“Thank God,” Sicheng exhaled when Kun was close enough. “I was ready to suffer to find you.”

“No need,” Kun said brightly, hugging Sicheng tightly. “Thanks for coming.”

“I dragged him out, you’re welcome,” A voice piped up behind Sicheng. The voice wasn’t cocky, instead trailing off awkwardly as Kun pulled back and looked at the man beside Sicheng. He was devastatingly beautiful, with faded pink hair and a face structure Michelangelo would have literally murdered to paint.

“Kun-ge, this is Taeyong hyung,” Sicheng introduced, gesturing at the god that had decided to mask himself as a mortal for some time. “He’s my Kun when you’re not around. Taeyong hyung, this is Kun-ge.”

“I’ve heard a lot,” Taeyong said, extending a hand which Kun took firmly. Despite his otherworldly looks, Taeyong’s awkward actions and vulnerable expressions made him more humane by the second.

“Good things, I hope in vain,” Kun said drily and Taeyong laughed while Sicheng shot him a betrayed look.

“Of course,” Taeyong insisted, voice a little high pitched and a soft flush taking over his face. It was endearing.

“Thanks for dragging Sicheng out,” Kun said as he guided them back to their booth. It as quickly filling up but he doubted Doyoung and Yuta had any issues sitting on each other’s lap- if they even showed up for the remainder of the night and hadn’t slinked off back home. “He hardly comes to these things.”

“I have a dance studio to go to, Gege,” Sicheng defended himself. “Why would I subject myself to shitty music and sweaty people pressing against me when I can just rent out a room and dance alone with music that I like in an air-conditioned room?”

“Maybe because you have friends? And this is about socializing, not just dancing,” Kun shot back. Sicheng grumbled something under his breath but it was lost as they halted by the booth. Jaehyun had disappeared into a hoodie Kun wasn’t sure where he acquired from seeing as he hadn’t arrived with one and Johnny, Ten and Taeil stopped their conversation when the newcomers approached.

“Oh, hey, Taeyong,” Taeil said mildly, scooching in just enough to let Taeyong settle beside him. “I haven’t seen you in a while.”

“Taeil hyung!” Taeyong’s awkwardness seemed to fall away. “I’ve been caught up in a couple of shoots! I’ve been meaning to send you a message or meet up for lunch but I keep falling asleep.”

“Understandable,” Taeil nodded. “Oh, this is Johnny. He’s a radio show host, along with Jaehyun- the sentient hoodie over there- and this is Ten. He’s- what exactly do you do again?”

Ten dived into an explanation of his career as a performing artist and the various jobs he’s held and his current agency and gig. Kun was sure the murders in the last stop were going to come up so he dragged Sicheng away to the other side of the booth, back to his place beside Jaehyun. Kun was feeling merciful, so he himself sat beside Jaehyun while making Sicheng sit beside him.

Sicheng looked curiously at Jaehyun, raising an eyebrow at Kun in question. Kun shrugged, unsure how to answer the fact that Jaehyun had an embarrassing crush on Sicheng and was probably blushing inside the hoodie. Despite his fluffy appearance, Jaehyun was  _strong_  and Kun had nagging doubts that Jaehyun wouldn’t murder him if crossed so Kun kept his mouth shut. Besides, he wasn’t an asshole. He knew Jaehyun’s suffering all too well, shooting a quick look at Johnny, who was talking excitedly to Taeyong after finding out they were both 95 liners.

“Jaehyun, are you okay in there?” Kun asked kindly. Jaehyun shot up two thumbs up and Kun let him be and continued his conversation with Sicheng easily, ignoring the increasingly worried looks Sicheng sent to the stationary Jaehyun. It wasn’t until Kun had sent Sicheng off to get him drinks that he turned to Jaehyun and tugged his hoodie off. The hoodie had been scrunched up at the front so Jaehyun’s hair got messy as he tried to fight his way out of it. He only looked mildly less embarrassed when he realized Sicheng wasn’t there.

“Oh, hello!” Taeyong said before Kun could reprimand Jaehyun for his odd behaviour. Where were his  _manners_?

“Hi,” Jaehyun replied warmly. “I’m sorry. The music and lights were getting to me.”

Ten snorted unflatteringly but Taeyong smiled at Jaehyun kindly, taking him at his word.

“Was that really necessary?” Kun asked when Jaehyun turned back towards him.

“Probably not,” Jaehyun replied. “But it seemed like the best solution.”

“ _How_?” Kun wondered.

“How what?” Sicheng asked, sliding back beside Kun with two drinks in his hands. He set him carefully on the table before looking at them, realizing the hoodie was now a man. “Oh. So you’re not dead.”

“Not yet,” Kun said, taking a swig of his drink when Jaehyun whined at him. “That was quick. I guess being pretty does get you favors at the bar.”

“Yeah, it does, but I just stole these from Yuta hyung,” Sicheng said with a shrug. Kun paused in his drinking, only then realizing how much more bitter the drink was than his usual order.

“I’m assuming this is Doyoung’s,” Kun said, putting the drink down and swapping it for Yuta’s probably fruitier and sweeter one.

“They don’t need it,” Sicheng said pragmatically.  “I’m sure they could survive on each other’s spit at the rate they’re going.”

“God, why don’t they just go  _home_?” Jaehyun groaned, shyness momentarily forgotten in the face of shared trauma.

“I’m pretty sure one of them has a voyeurism kink,” Sicheng mused in a deadpan voice. “Can’t put my finger on who, though.”

“Doyoung hyung,” Jaehyun insisted. “Yuta hyung’s too much of a romantic.”

“You raise a valid point, sentient hoodie,” Sicheng and Jaehyun flushed.

“I’m Jaehyun,” Jaehyun said.

“Oh, I know,” Sicheng said a laugh, his eyes sparkling for the first time that night as he watched Jaehyun stammer.

Kun knew Sicheng already knew Jaehyun. Kun had tried to tell Jaehyun that too, that Jaehyun’s constant accidental following and unfollowing and liking of pictures on Sicheng’s Instagram had caught the model’s bewildered attention. That Sicheng also remembered Jaehyun from that gala but Jaehyun had bread faced and wheelied out of the conversation as usual. So Kun really had tried his best. Whatever happened next was in no way Kun’s fault nor could he have prevented it.

“You do?” Jaehyun said, voice uneven. It was amusing to say the least to be able to see Jaehyun so affected. His usual calm and steady demeanour was now agitated and flustered. Kun looked at his other friends to find Johnny looking at Jaehyun in amusement as well. When he caught Kun’s eye, he gave him a suppressed smile and tilted his head towards the bar in question.

“I’m going to go get a drink,” Kun said, trying to get up only to feel a vice grip on him. Jaehyun looked up at him with pleading eyes.

“Didn’t you  _just_  get one?” Jaehyun asked while his eyes begged Kun to stay as the buffer between him and Sicheng.

“Don’t alcohol shame him,” Sicheng said mildly, scooching back to let Kun walk out once he’s pried Jaehyun’s hand from his arm. “It’s his week off.”

“I’m  _not_ -” Kun left a spluttering Jaehyun behind as he hopped off the elevated track the booths were situated on. He felt before he heard Johnny join him with a warm touch on his back. Johnny guided him without much talking to the bar since they both knew they’d have to yell to be heard over the music and the crowd.

Kun felt his heart rate go up as they stopped near the bar, Johnny’s body pressing against his as the taller man leaned down to speak in Kun’s ear.

“Do you want to sit with Yuta and Doyoung?”

Kun looked at where Johnny was pointing and winced. It wasn’t that the sight was grotesque. Yuta and Doyoung were both incredibly attractive individuals and the way they were intertwined in each other and kissing was alluring in a way that hinted that it was designed to be because of how performative it was.

“I swear, they’re getting off on people looking at them rather than each other,” Kun said, rolling his eyes. “Let’s not obstruct the people’s view.”

“I think they’re getting off on people looking at them  _with_  each other,” Johnny said with laughter in his huff. He wasn’t wrong. Even as Kun sat down with his back to them, he knew Yuta would pull away and look at Doyoung with the most doting eyes because Kun had seen it before a thousand times. Doyoung and Yuta hadn’t been together very long but they clicked in a way that made it seem like they were high school sweethearts, the love in their familiar actions timeless.

Seeing them had jumpstarted Kun’s own want to be with someone like that and grew his frustrations at Johnny. He shot a side eye at the guilty man beside him but Johnny was too busy ordering their drink to notice. Perhaps with liquid bravado swirling in him, Kun decided to play around.

“How come you know my order?” Kun asked. Johnny looked at him, startled.

“I’ve seen you order it every time,” Johnny replied. “I’m pretty sure I’ve ordered it for you before as well.”

“Yeah?” Kun mused, unsure of where he was going with this other than making Johnny see that knowing Kun’s order was a little intimate. Not that you couldn’t know you’re friends orders! Oh, God, Kun really didn’t know what he was doing. He just wanted Johnny’s attention on him in a certain way. Not the usual friendly attention where Johnny looked at him with deep brown eyes, taking in everything he said and giving him a thoughtful response. Nor the way Johnny would joke around with him, eyes sparkling and bright, laughter drenched in every word. At that moment, he didn’t want the soft, husky cadence of Johnny’s voice as they talked about everything under the sun easily.

Looking back at Doyoung and Yuta momentarily, at the way Yuta’s fingers curled around the back of Doyoung’s neck so gently, the way Doyoung’s body was sagged in a way that told he had his body weight against Yuta, that said that the only thing keeping him upright was the steady firm hand on his waist and the way his arms were holding on to Yuta- Kun wanted Johnny to look at him with darkened eyes and sinful intent in his voice.

It was ridiculous, making Kun shake himself and let out a little laugh. Johnny looked at him curiously and Kun shook his head.

“Nothing,” He said, trying to rid himself of those thoughts. If he really wanted dick, he could get it from somewhere else in this club later and not ruin a perfectly good relationship in his lust. “How’s work?”

“Not as great without you,” Johnny said and Kun yelled in his mind. It was these things that Johnny did that drove Kun insane, both in the sense that it made Kun want to kiss him and in the sense that he  _couldn’t_  because Johnny was an  _idiot_  who flirted without realizing it. Kun didn’t even know if Johnny knew he was flirting or if he even wanted to flirt with Kun or if he was being his usual charming self with no romantic intent.

“Yeah?” Kun choked out.

“Two more weeks without you, huh?” Johnny teased and Kun flushed.

“Less than,” Kun said. “I’m sure you’ll live.”

The conversation fell back into talk about work which lead to talking about the artists who’d visited which lead to their thoughts on the latest songs. Kun didn’t know how long they sat there or how many drinks he’d consumed since Johnny kept refilling his glass. A small sober part of his brain lounged back and observed how Kun got touchier than usual, how the touches seemed to get Johnny slightly flustered but not enough for his brain to allow him to take action. He knew it was a fruitless effort, so his increased physical contact wasn’t a scheme but simply who he was, amplified when he was drunk. Johnny undoubtedly knew this, having been around a drunk Kun enough to have gotten used to the touchiness. He’d never protested or told Kun it made him uncomfortable, had even said it was cute ( _cute_  of all the fucking things) when Kun had apologized after the first time so Kun didn’t hold himself back.

Johnny seemed unfazed when Kun spoke less and less, happy to fill in the gaps with his own thoughts, knowing at Kun was happy to sit there, buzzed and listening. If he noticed the way Kun’s eyes trailed the movements of his hands or the way Kun bit his lip when he threw his head back to down a drink, he didn’t show it. He seamlessly carried on, seemingly immune to the way Kun wanted to devour him beside him.

Johnny may be daft but Ten wasn’t, as he showed when he slid in beside Kun, pressing himself against him.

“Okay, oldie, that’s enough sitting around,” Ten sang but his voice was much more sober. “I wanna dance!”

“I’m not old,” Kun pouted but got up regardless, leaning heavily against Ten, who took his weight easily.

“Am I invited?” Johnny asked with a laugh.

“This is a 96 liner event only, sorry, hyung!” Ten said as he pulled Kun away from the bar. “I’m sure Yuta and Taeyong would love some company in the old age retirement booth!”

They left a laughing Johnny behind as they made their way to the dance floor, Doyoung joining them on their way.

“He’s so dumb,” Kun whined against Doyoung as Doyoung put a steadying arm around Kun’s waist and pulled him closer. He could feel Doyoung’s laugh vibrate between them. “Doyoung-ah, he’s  _so so_  dumb. And hot.”

“I thought the whole point of this night was that you could  _forget_  about Johnny?” Doyoung said.

“Should’ve thought of that before we invited him,” Kun grumbled. Ten and Doyoung guided his body to move to the beats. “I’m soooo-”

Kun trailed off, pressing his forehead against Doyoung’s shoulder. Doyoung patted him comfortingly. It was easy to lose himself in the rhythmic movements when Doyoung and Ten keeping him safely sandwiched between them, occasionally murmuring something or laughing. It was almost exactly what he wanted except gradually, he was really feeling like he would feel better if someone pressed him against the wall and made out with him instead.

Not Doyoung or Ten- Kun didn’t have the brain power to even contemplate how complicated  _that_  could get nor was he particularly viscerally attracted to them. He pulled away, needing to find someone in the club whom he  _was_  that into (apart from Johnny, obviously). Doyoung and Ten let him go reluctantly but he knew they were keeping an eye on him.

He was wandering away from the dance floor when he felt a soft hand on his forearm, stopping him.

“Hey, dude,” A familiar voice said. “Are you okay?”

It was the same person who’d dragged him onto the dance floor earlier. Their smile was still pretty, even prettier to a drunker Kun and their hand still felt warm and unaggressive.

“Not really,” Kun confessed. “The guy I like is here but he isn’t getting the hint that I want to suck his dick and hold his hand.”

The person’s laugh was prettier than their smile.

“I was just looking for someone to make out with so I can forget about him,” Kun continued, morosely honestly.

“Which one is he?” The person asked. Kun turned and pointed at their booth on the elevated track. Johnny wasn’t looking at them but they both had a semi-clear view of each other if they chose to look.

“The one beside the pink haired one,”

“Let’s give him a show then?” The person said, quirking an eyebrow. Kun’s hazy brain thought about it for what felt like a good minute and person, bless their heart, stood in patient wait, bopping along to the bass on their spot.

“What’s your name?” Kun finally asked, stepping closer. The smile turned sharper as the person put their hands on Kun’s waist. They weren’t much taller than him but they were wearing heeled boots.

“Seunghee,” They said softly, pulling Kun closer. “The gender-neutral kind.”

“Pretty,” Kun murmured as they leant in closer and he felt the person with the pretty smile smile prettily against his lips.

Kun breathed out in some form of relief. Kissing was  _nice_ , Kun liked kissing and Seunghee knew how to kiss. Despite the harsh beat of the music under their feet and the aggressive writhing bodies around them, Kun was being gently kissed. Barely a moment had passed before the person pulled away.

“Good?” They asked.

“Nice,” Kun replied, a little breathlessly. “Harder.”

The following kiss obliged Kun’s request, a hard press that left Kun gasping, a quickly deepening kiss that made the thoughts scatter in Kun’s head the way he wanted. He tried not to think about how the hands could be Johnny’s because that would be a disservice to Seunghee and he mostly succeeded in swallowing Johnny’s name from the tip of his tongue as it brushed against Seunghee’s lips.

He wasn’t sure what surface he was being pressed against but he appreciated it, the kiss turning his legs wobbly as their tongues slid against each other, his body embarrassingly receptive after being deprived for so long. It was nice to have another body pressed against his, to have wandering hands on his back and legs, to feel  _wanted_. The moan that fell out when his lips gotten bitten got him another smile, his time pressed against his jawline.

Kun let his head fall back, wanting to give Seunghee more access when his head hit something behind him and he startled out of the haze.

“Oh, my God, are you okay?” Seunghee said instantly, rubbing his head soothingly. Kun became aware enough of his surroundings to realize he was pressed up against a pillar, which he supposed was close enough to a wall.

“Yeah,” Kun said with a laugh. “It’s okay.”

“Do you want to get out of here?” Seunghee asked, still looking at the pillar dubiously.

“I don’t really do one-night stands,” Kun said sheepishly.

“That’s fine,” Seunghee said with a shrug. “Do you want to continue this? Although I feel kind of bad trying to get you all hot and bothered now.”

“Yeah,” Kun said. “It’s okay, I’m used to the suffering.”

“That’s sad, babe,” Seunghee told him, leaning in again. Kun’s response shifted into a gasp when he felt teeth scraping on the underside of his jaw. He didn’t know if he was allowed to run his fingers through their hair so he let his hand rest on their neck, grip tightening every time their mouth went to previously unexplored areas.

Kun sighed, letting his head fall back more gently this time, getting lost in the sensation, so lost that he initially didn’t notice someone clearing their throat.

“Uh, Kun?”

Kun hazily opened his eyes to see Johnny looking at him. He blinked, wondering if his delusions were manifesting in his drunk state but Johnny looked too much like he didn’t want to be there for it to be Dream!Johnny.

“Hey, Johnny,” Kun said, suddenly aware of how hoarse and out of it his voice sounded. Seunghee pulled away in confusion before realizing they had company. Kun instinctively whined at the loss of warmth.

“Ten said we’re leaving,” Johnny said hurriedly. “I can tell him you’re busy? Or something?”

“Huh?” Kun looked around to see a sparser crowd, though not by much. It was alright, though. “No, it’s fine, I’m coming.”

“Are you sure?” Johnny asked.

“Sadly, homeboy doesn’t do one-night stands,” Seunghee said, pulling away from Kun entirely, letting his stand by himself. It was a task and a half but he managed. “A tragedy in my humble opinion.”

“Noted,” Kun laughed. “Thanks anyway.”

“Anytime,” Seunghee said, pressing a peck against his cheek. “Literally. Anytime.”

“I’m flattered,” Kun teased as Seunghee waved away backwards, waving both hands at him until they disappeared into the crowd. Kun looked at Johnny who was also looking in the direction Seunghee had disappeared. “Let’s go?”

Johnny startled, as though he’d forgotten Kun was there. The walk back was silent which Kun didn’t mind because Ten jumped on him the moment he appeared, rambling about he saw him getting some and he’s  _so, so_  proud of him, does Kun  _know_  how proud of him Ten is? Kun patted Ten reassuringly to let him know he  _did_  know, he was proud of himself as well. It took a while to get everyone out of the club and into the cool streets but they somehow managed after a good half hour in Kun’s drunken opinion.

Kun unwrapped himself from Ten, whom Johnny swooped in to make sure wouldn’t fall to the ground without support when Sicheng pulled Kun away.

“I got a KakaoTaxi, you’re sharing with me and Jaehyun,” Sicheng said, nodding at the car waiting for them at the curb. “Don’t worry, everyone else got rides too.”

“Thanks, Sichengie,” Kun cooed, pulling Sicheng into a hug which Sicheng endured as he waved at everyone else, letting them know of their departure.

“Bye, everyone!” Kun called out once Sicheng had stuffed him into the back of the car. Everyone waved back.

Kun barely noticed Sicheng and Jaehyun beside him in the car, content to watch the city pass them by to the background of Sicheng and Jaehyun’s quiet voices talking softly.

It was a nice moment, a fond memory that he needed when he woke up with a terrible, god awful hangover that had him keening out of bed. Thankfully, he didn’t throw up too violently and despite the headache, he didn’t regret the night. It was what he’d wanted, needed even. The alert on his phone sent a piercing pain through his skull but the message itself made him smile.

 **Jaehyun**  
_To: Taeil, Johnny, Taeyong, Yuta, Doyoung, Kun, Ten, Sicheng and Jungwoo_  
\- There Are Greasy Delicious Goods Cooking And The Door Is Unlocked.

No one else had replied but Kun assumed someone would show up to the invitation of free food. After a less than efficient look at his own kitchen, he left, walking towards Johnny and Jaehyun’s apartment. The rather long walk left him hungrier but less hungover so he almost drooled when he flung open the door to Jaehyun’s apartment and smelt food frying. Another sniff told him there were definitely spices involved.

“Who is it?” Jaehyun called out from the kitchen, probably at the stove.

“Me,” Kun sang back, taking off his shoes and shuffling in. “Do you need any help?”

“Nah, I’m almost done! Go sit,” Jaehyun said, waving towards the couch in the living room. Kun turned and saw Johnny already there, curled up in the corner.

Kun frowned at Johnny, who was sitting at the opposite end of the couch, stiff and almost turning his body away from Kun when he approached.

"What's wrong with you?" Kun asked, not in a mood to beat around the bush. He was still mildly hungover and he had come to eat Jaehyun's greasy food, not deal with whatever that was.

"Nothing," Johnny muttered, not looking at him. Kun turned and looked at Jaehyun, who just smirked.

"Johnny's going through it, man," He said, grinning in a way that immediately raised red flags in Kun's mind. Jaehyun would take joy in Johnny's pain at only specific reasons and only if Johnny wasn't actually in any real harm. But Jaehyun looked so gleeful, Kun was morbidly curious.

"Shut up, Jaehyun," Johnny snapped and instead of looking offended, Jaehyun just looked like Johnny had proven his point.

"What're you going through?" Kun asked, scooting closer. Johnny shot him a pained look, as though begging him to not ask. Kun almost conceded, not wanting to push but Jaehyun interrupted their moment.

"He's so sexually frustrated," Jaehyun said conversationally. Johnny and Kun both immediately whipped around to look at him, watching him cut cilantro nonchalantly.

"I-" Johnny choked out, turning red.

"We were literally at a club last night," Kun pointed out calmly while the horny part of his brain was running around having a meltdown on an on fire room. "You could have taken someone home."

"Don't wanna," Johnny said, retreating back into his cocoon, stiffer than ever.

"Johnny can't do one-night stands," Jaehyun informed Kun. Johnny looked up at the heavens every time Jaehyun spoke. "He needs to  _know_  someone before he can fuck them."

"Same. Okay, then, go on a couple of dates then fuck them," Kun pointed out.

"Please stop saying fuck," Johnny whined.

"That's a whole process he doesn't want to go through," Jaehyun added knowingly.

"Then just fuck one of your friends, damn," Kun blurted out.

"That's what I said!" Jaehyun said enthusiastically and Johnny somehow collapsed even more so into himself than before.

"Smart," Kun complimented and Jaehyun brightened.

"Thanks! I'd fuck you if you asked," He told Kun and Kun laughed, blushing slightly.

"Thank you for the offer," He replied. He, too, would fuck Jaehyun if he asked, if only he wasn't so ridiculously in love with the man sitting across from him.

"What about you, Kun hyung? Who would you fuck if asked?" Jaehyun asked. Kun was just tired enough to contemplate and give an answer.

"Ten," Kun said. "Taeyong. Johnny. Can I say Doyoung if he's already in a relationship or is that wrong? Taeil."

"Wait, what?" Johnny choked out while Jaehyun hummed.

"Good choices. I'm surprised you and Ten haven't fucked already." Jaehyun approved.

"Did you say Johnny?" Johnny asked weakly.

"We don't need sex to have a fulfilling marriage," Kun said serenely before turning to Johnny. "Yes?"

Johnny pointed at himself mutely.

"Yes, you're the only Johnny I know," Kun said with a laugh while his heart slammed itself against his ribcage. Maybe he shouldn't have said that but it was endearing, watching Johnny turn red. He looked at Kun with wide, disbelieving eyes and Kun wondered how exactly this was news to Johnny. Their moment was interrupted by the ding of oven and Jaehyun's excited exclamation.

"Food is ready!" He announced.

They ate in relative peace, conversation flowing easily. It wasn’t until Jaehyun and Kun were putting the dishes away that Jaehyun picked up the previous topic again.

“Kun hyung, how do you feel about friends with benefits relationships?” Jaehyun asked. Kun thought about it, startling when a sudden coughing fit that attacked Johnny. His glance at him only had Johnny shaking his hand, letting him know he was fine.

“Are you proposing something, Jaehyun?” Kun teased. “I don’t think Sicheng would be very happy with me if I allowed that.”

“You think?” Jaehyun asked, perking up at the sound of Sicheng’s name. “He gave me his number last night.”

“Thank God,” Kun laughed. “I was scared I’d have to force you two together somehow.”

“You didn’t answer my question,” Jaehyun said as they walked back to the couch.

“I wouldn’t mind,” Kun shrugged, snuggling into a corner, thankfully taking the soft throw Jaehyun handed him and wrapping it around himself. He resigned himself to the conversation because once Jaehyun got started, he was like a dog with a bone until he got what he wanted. It was slightly surreal but no less weird than times Jaehyun had started talking about the Illuminati unprompted. He wasn’t entirely sure what Jaehyun was hoping to achieve with this but he trusted him to have good intentions. “What about you?”

“I think I’m too much of a romantic but I’d take one for the team if my friends really wanted to,” Jaehyun shrugged. “Not anymore if Sicheng is actually into me, though. I told Johnny hyung I’d do it for him but he refused. He’s getting pissy because he’s horny and not getting laid.”

“Well,” Kun said, biting back a smile. “Our Johnny’s a romantic as well, isn’t he?”

“It’s romantic to fuck it out of your system and function,” Jaehyun shrugged, reaching for his phone. He yelped when he opened it. “Sicheng is asking me over.”

“Then go,” Kun said in amusement.

“Yeah, fuck your annoyingness out of your system,” Johnny said snidely. Kun laughed, adoring the way Johnny got pissy. He was usually so understanding but when he got frustrated, he quickly devolved into bursts of irritancy. His frustrations were often short-lived, either the emotion fizzing out or being resolved because Johnny was a Communicator™.

“I will,” Jaehyun said, sticking his tongue out at Johnny. “Maybe  _you_  should let Kun fuck you.”

“Let Kun do what now?” Kun echoed, the words hitting him moments later when Jaehyun was already out the front door.

“You heard me! Bye!” Jaehyun called out, closing the door behind him in a hurry.

“Ignore him,” Johnny said. “He’s being an asshole because I whined at him all morning and made him burn his eggs.”

“Okay,” Kun said, bewildered at the turn this was taking. “I mean, I could if you wanted.”

He then proceeded to shut the fuck up because Johnny didn’t respond to that, didn’t even look his way. Kun rolled his eyes to himself. He knew full well Johnny was into him, at least physically but it hurt knowing Johnny refused to do anything about it, refused to even acknowledge it. Maybe Jaehyun had a point, maybe he did need to fuck Johnny out of his system.

His brain laughed itself into a headache at the notion, playing moments in his brain where he’d wanted to just  _be_  with Johnny, for no ulterior motive other than being around one of his favourite people. Kun told his brain to shut up.

“You looked really nice yesterday,” Johnny suddenly said, his voice quiet. “I don’t remember if I told you.”

“I don’t remember either but thank you,” Kun replied, turning towards Johnny.

“I don’t think I’ve ever seen you wear a choker before,” Johnny commented and Kun laughed, flustered.

“Ten put it on me,” Kun said. “I don’t remember waking up with it, God, I hope I didn’t lose it at the club.”

“No, you had it on you when-” Johnny halted, swallowing before continuing. “When you were, uh- when I found you.”

“Oh, that’s good,” Kun sighed. “Also, I was making out with someone, since when are you a prude?”

“I’m not!” Johnny protested, body unfurling in his adamancy. “You can do whatever you want with whomever you want! Wherever you want! I was just surprised.”

“I mean,” Kun shrugged. “Clearly, from what Jaehyun’s saying, you understand the need.”

Johnny curled up into himself again as he whined.

“Forget that,” He complained. “I’ll live.”

“Just take his advice,” Kun said, picking at his own wound knowing he wouldn’t be the one Johnny would ask if he did listen to Jaehyun. If Kun would guess, it would probably be Ten, which Kun couldn’t really begrudge him. “Although I think your chance with Jaehyun is gone.”

“I don’t want to fuck Jaehyun, thanks,” Johnny snorted.

“Then? You seemed into Taeyong,” Kun continued, his mouth seemingly loving the pain it was inflicting on his heart.

“Can we not-” Johnny started but Kun continued.

“Me?” He joked- it  _had_  to be said jokingly, he couldn’t fathom saying it seriously- and looked at Johnny to smile at him. Only instead of having Johnny wave it off, he saw Johnny freeze, looking at him with the dark eyes he’d craved last night.

“Me,” Kun repeated, mostly to himself, more firmly. “Okay.”

“What?” Johnny’s voice was almost as tightly wound as he was and Kun felt bad for him. Sure, Kun was horny but at least he wasn’t so hung up about it.

“I can help you with,” Kun said, waving at Johnny’s body. “That. Are you okay?”

“I’m fine, I’ll get over it,” Johnny said quickly but Kun didn’t miss the way his eyes flickered the Kun’s lips or the way desire had flashed through his eyes. Kun huffed to himself, knowing he’d have to hold Johnny’s hand through this.

Kun moved in closer, watching as Johnny’s body fought between the familiarity of unfurling in the presence of Kun or to continue curling up into itself.

“Why are you embarrassed?” Kun asked quietly. The notion that Johnny didn’t want this so badly, he was curling into him hurt Kun more than he could put into words. “It’s fine if you don’t want to, just say it. You’re not going to hurt my feelings.” The last sentence was a lie.

“I-” Kun didn’t know what Johnny was going to say before he cut himself off but he could tell he was easing into the thought, his body easily unfurling as Kun got closer. “Are you sure?”

“I wouldn’t offer otherwise,” Kun said, hoping to God his mouth was on track with his brain on this one. The more he thought about the prospect, he accepted it at an alarmingly quick speed.

“Are you  _sure_  sure, though?” Johnny whispered, looking at Kun much too vulnerable for someone asking for a no strings attached fuck. “What if it becomes weird?”

“I won’t let it if you don’t,” Kun promised, trying to ease Johnny fears. Even if it would hurt knowing he didn’t want to do this again, Kun could live with it and not treat Johnny any different. Johnny nodded.

“Sure?” Kun whispered, close enough to see Johnny’s eyes flutter shut.

“For you?” Johnny replied in a remarkably steady voice that put Kun at ease. Johnny wanted this, he was committing to it. “Always.”

Kun leaned down, kissing Johnny softly, pressing against his soft, plush lips delicately. Any doubts lingering left Kun’s mind when Johnny kissed back immediately, body easing against Kun’s. The feeling was different than last night with a stranger, this simple press of lips sending Kun into a free fall of emotions, leaving him lightheaded in the rush. Johnny was pliant under him, kissing him slowly, giving each lip attention.

Kun had often thought about what it would feel like to kiss Johnny, had imagined it a hundred different ways from soft kisses to harsh slamming of mouths but the reality was something Kun couldn’t put into words because this situation wasn’t one he’d thought he’d be in. He thought they’d confess, that the kisses would be teeming with love and desperation. At least he got the desperation, with Johnny gasping into his mouth when Kun licked lightly against his lips.

The feeling was intoxicating and Kun tried to take a step back internally, to not completely free fall into it. He kept a tight leash on his control, wanting primarily to take care of Johnny, to ease his mind and his body. Johnny’s hands found their way to Kun’s waist as he sighed against Kun’s lips, bringing Kun closer.

The position was straining his legs but Kun didn’t want to break the kiss for fear that it would stop so he continued slowly kissing Johnny as he straddled his lap, swallowing Johnny’s gasp with a flick of a tongue.

Kun felt like he was on fire from this alone, from Johnny’s wandering hands grasping at his hip and back, from Johnny’s wet mouth and vibrating moans. When Johnny pulled away to properly catch his breath, throwing his head back so that Kun wouldn’t chase after his lips, Kun moved downwards, placing soft kisses on his jaw and neck.

Johnny’s grip tightened when Kun’s lips ghosted against a spot on his neck and Kun smiled.

“What’re you grinning at?” Johnny asked breathlessly.

“How easy you are,” Kun teased, looking up to see Johnny flush. “It’s okay. I like it.”

The next kiss was slower but deeper, purposefully messy and tinged with desperate intent. Johnny's muscles and large body felt like putty under Kun's hands and Kun felt the oddest urge to knead him like dough, the ease the slight residual tension in his shoulders. Kun pulled away sloppily, frowning down at Johnny.

"Honestly," Kun said. "It feels more like you need a massage than a fuck."

"You're not allowed to say fuck if you don't follow through," Johnny said in a daze, reaching up to capture Kun's lips between his again. Kun's heart raced as he realized how easily he was getting addicted to Johnny’s kisses, to the feeling of Johnny’s tongue sweetly pressing against Kun’s lips, asking for entrance again.

Kissing Johnny didn’t feel like foreplay or as though it was simply a means to an end. It felt all-encompassing, so starkly different from so many kisses Kun has had to endure, even ones he actively enjoyed. Kun felt as though if he stayed there, snug and warm in Johnny’s lap, licking into his mouth, Johnny would be content based on his low satisfied moans.

But Kun hadn’t forgotten his mission and revelled in the sound of Johnny’s hitched breathing when he moved his hips, rocking his crotch against Johnny’s as he continued to kiss him slowly. The kiss turned filthy as Kun continued his movements, Johnny’s mouth hanging open as he lost himself in the sensation.

“Kun,” Johnny moaned out, hands floundering as if they couldn’t decide whether to settle of Kun’s waist on not. It was music to Kun’s ears and he wanted to hear it again.

“Yes?” Kun asked, slowing his ministrations. Johnny whined and opened his eyes, his gaze hazy. Johnny looked up at him for a moment before kissing Kun with surprising ferocity, making Kun grip Johnny’s shirt to stay balanced. This kiss felt like they were hurtling towards something more frantic, laced with need as Kun rolled his hips.

Kun could feel Johnny getting hard under him and it gave him a rush of power. Every movement seemed to fluster Johnny more until he was a mess under Kun. Kun found out that Johnny liked talking during sex and it brought him a certain amount of pleasure watching the usually eloquent man disintegrate into fractured sentences and moans.

Kun paused only to tug Johnny’s sweatpants down. He got his hands around him quick enough that it choked out a startled gasp from Johnny.

“Sorry,” Kun said sheepishly. He’d been going for efficiency but maybe his hands had been too cold or too rough or- Johnny kissed his racing thoughts to an abrupt halt. The leaking precome made it easier for Kun to move his hand languidly. Johnny let out a groan when Kun brushed a thumb against his slit.

“Faster,” Johnny gasped but Kun wasn’t too sure about his demand. Kun quite liked him like this, grasping desperately at Kun’s waist, breathing laboured. The only thing that Kun didn’t like was that Johnny’s eyes were squeezed shut as he arched into Kun’s touch when he sped up a little before slowing down.

“Hm, look at me first,” Kun said, almost lazily, tone matching his pace.

The thing was that Johnny had beautiful eyes, even when they were as blown out as they were then, they still seemed to exude warmth and fondness. Kun picked up his pace without particularly meaning to and only realizing it when Johnny’s eyes fluttered shut as he let his head fall back on the couch. The underside of his jaw looked particularly appealing so Kun leaned in and pressed his lips against the skin, feeling Johnny heartbeat rabbit under his lips.

The position made his hand movements a little more awkward and harder but Kun compensated by dragging his teeth against sensitive skin. Sometimes, Kun had fantasized about shutting Johnny up by kissing him but maybe kissing his neck would have been a more efficient attack since the coupling of sensations on his neck and dick seemed to render Johnny almost speechless if it weren’t for the guttural noises and wispy, breathless gasps.

“I- Gonna,” Johnny warned but Kun pulled up to kiss him reassuringly. He felt Johnny tense under him and then let out a grunt before devolving into whimpers as Kun stroked him through his orgasm. It was sticky and gross now but Kun kept at it until Johnny let out a sigh under him, reaching to stop his hand.

The kiss Johnny placed on him was embarrassingly tender. Kun pulled away, feeling himself turn red and distracted himself and Johnny by turning and looking for tissues which were thankfully on the coffee table behind them. The steady weight of Johnny’s hands on his waist let him grab the box without moving from Johnny’s lap. Kun got reminded of his own hard on when he shifted slightly but he clenched his jaw and grabbed the box instead.

He wasn’t sure what to say next so he set about cleaning Johnny up as much as he could, murmuring apologies about the stains on his shirt. He made to get up when he was done but the grip on his waist stopped him. He looked at Johnny quizzically.

“Where do you think you’re going?” Johnny asked slowly.

“To throw the tissues?” Kun said, only it came out like a question because of the way Johnny was looking at him.

“Don’t you want me to return the favour?” Johnny asked and Kun turned redder. “Are you blushing? You weren’t when you were making me lose my mind.”

“I’m absolutely not blushing,” Kun insisted.

“Yes, you are,” Johnny said with a laugh.

“Impossible,” Kun said firmly, despite feeling the heat on his cheek. “I don’t have blood.”

“That would mean you couldn’t get a boner and yet,” Johnny said, voice dropping low as he pulled Kun closer.

“I know you only know that because of your research on vampires, you nerd,” Kun managed to say. Johnny didn’t respond, instead manhandling Kun into a lying position on the couch then looming over him with a grin. The tissues fell from Kun’s hand when Johnny’s body pressed him into the couch as he kissed him. Johnny was a warm weight, heavy enough to make Kun’s entire focus narrow down to the way his hand was wandering under Kun’s shirt while the other was planted beside Kun’s head, making sure he wasn’t putting  _all_  his weight on the smaller man.

It wasn’t long before Johnny’s hand wandered down to Kun’s pants, which were real pants and not just sweatpants he could slide off.

“Do you need help?” Kun asked, feeling like the weight of Johnny’s hand over his dick might send him reeling over the edge. Johnny continued his singlehanded crusade before nodding and Kun quickly got to work, undoing buttons and pushing his pants and underwear down just enough to free his dick.

It was another moment Kun had imagined a ridiculous amount and real feeling of Johnny’s large hand on him sent him gasping. His hands fell to the side, trying to grasp at something before realizing they were on a couch and he wasn’t going to get any purchase. His hands flew up to Johnny instead, weaving his fingers through Johnny’s soft locks and pulling him down for a dirty kiss.

Johnny only pulled away to spit on his hand before resuming his motions, burying his face on the crook of Kun’s neck and it shouldn’t have been hot. It  _really_ , really should not have been hot for Kun, who was usually a stickler for cleanliness, but it had been, and the slicker touch had Kun clawing helplessly at Johnny’s back as he rutted against Johnny’s hand.

For someone who had been frustrated for so long, the orgasm was bubbling slowly, almost there but then fizzing out of reach, making his toes curl and his muscles ache from the strain.

“More,” He demanded, unsure of what exactly he was demanding in his hazy state. “Johnny, please.”

“What do you want?” Johnny asked against his neck.

“I don’t know,” Kun nearly sobbed as he chased the release that was  _nearly_  there.

“God, you’re so hot,” Johnny said, pressing a wet kiss against Kun’s neck before dipping his tongue into the crevice of his collarbone. “You sound so needy, so fucked out, so,” Another kiss. “-fucking,” A bite. “-pretty. Come on, pretty baby.”

Kun never really had a thing for being called pretty or baby, he always preferred being the one who did the praising and name calling but hearing Johnny’s dark voice directed at him  _finally,_  finally made him come.

Johnny kissed him through it, swallowing his high-pitched whines with his tongue easily, letting Kun’s body convulse against his. Kun grasped instinctively at Johnny’s nape, not making it to his hair before tightening the grip, undoubtedly leaving marks on the soft flesh. His leg almost cramped from the intensity of the orgasm and Kun only came to himself when the overstimulation was getting too much.

Johnny noticed and pulled away, grabbing the same tissues to clean up Kun. Fucking  _disgusting_  but Kun was too worn out to move. For hand jobs on the couch, they drained him incredibly.

“Are you okay?” Johnny asked softly and Kun nodded, unable to form words yet. “Sorry I ruined your clothes.”

Kun looked down to find his top ruined by bodily fluids and he shuddered, swiftly taking it off.

“Gross,” He said hoarsely.

“Yeah, fuck shirts,” Johnny replied, looking down at Kun, hunger returning to his eyes. Kun would have smirked at that if his phone hadn’t started ringing. Kun had to twist to grab it and he could feel Johnny staring at his shifting muscles. Kun wasn’t jacked but he was nicely toned from his somewhat pathological need to run so he knew he had light lean muscles.

“Hello?” Kun answered, trying to sound as normal as possible.

“Kun!” Ten whined on the other end. Kun heard Johnny laugh when the sound hit his ears. “Aren’t you home?”

“No,” Kun said. “I’m at Johnny’s.”

“Is that who’s laughing? The fucker. I’m coming!” Ten hung up with that and Kun huffed fondly.

“Ten’s coming,” Kun informed Johnny. “Stop looking at me like that.”

“We have a bit of time before he arrives,” Johnny said, leaning in but Kun stopped him with hands on his chest.

“No, we don’t. You know he’s power walking here and we need to  _change_  and look presentable and not like we just got off on this couch from hand jobs like horny teenagers,” Kun insisted. “And we need to order him food and pick a movie to watch because I  _cannot_  watch another Step Up movie, Johnny, I refuse.”

“Okay, okay,” Johnny grumbled, getting up. “Use my phone to order in, I’ll find you something to wear that will arouse the least suspicion.”

Ten walked into the apartment to Johnny and Kun sitting a normal space apart, talking casually as the opening scene of Pride and Prejudice and Zombies was paused on the television. Kun was wearing a casual shirt (Johnny’s) and fitted sweatpants (Jaehyun’s) and he smiled widely at Ten while his heart hammered at the fact that they’d forgotten to lock the door.

Thankfully, Ten didn’t seem particularly suspicious, only pouting about not being invited, ignoring Johnny saying that the message in the morning from Jaehyun meant _everyone_ was invited.

It wasn’t until Kun was back home alone that the full force of what he’d done hit him. He’d fucked (Did it count as fucking? Kun wasn’t sure) Johnny, he’d actually done it and surprisingly, it had been normal afterwards. The arrival of Ten left no room for awkwardness, forcing him to easily fall back into familiar dynamics. As far as fall out went, it was the best scenario Kun could have wished for from a hook up with the guy he was particularly in love with.

Objectively, he knew this. It didn’t stop his heart aching, mourning the loss of something organic. Kun didn’t  _regret_ it per se but he felt something heavy and nauseating fill his stomach. He’d wanted something more, he’d wanted sweet confessions before and cuddling after, he’d wanted sex with the knowledge that Johnny was  _his_  but all he got was a tired out body and the image of Johnny coming undone in his head.

Instead of finally resolving their tension and endless flirtations, Kun was more conflicted as he climbed into bed. Was this a one-off thing? He knew it hadn’t meant anything, he’d known what he was getting himself into regarding that but despite the heartache, he felt like if this was all Johnny was willing to give him, he’d take it.

It was a sad thought, a sad realization of how far gone he was for Johnny while the other remained oblivious to the emotional side of things. At least he’d caught up on the physical side, Kun thought in bittersweet amusement. Maybe he should wear a choker more often.


	2. Chapter 2

The next couple of days were as aimless as vacation days were meant to be. Kun finally finished the drama he’d been dying to watch, he’d gone out and bought some groceries and cooked himself some nice homemade meals. He caught up with his parents, laughing off their attempts to get him to visit China in his off days. He talked to his friends, caught up with his favorite music artists, tried to sleep at proper times as to not completely fuck up his sleep schedule but failed.

He occasionally talked to Johnny as usual and the evening between them was never mentioned, not in the way they were both avoiding the topic but rather that it never really came up. Kun hesitated from bringing it up, not wanting to ruin the normalcy they’d so quickly established. If Johnny wanted to pretend it had never happened, Kun could do that.

It was hard for Kun to pretend as such though, especially when Yuta, Ten and Jungwoo came over at the weekend for the self-acclaimed sleepover which Kun had been informed of only hours before they arrived.

They were sitting in the living room in their pajamas, some Ted-Ed playing video on the background. Ten had Jungwoo’s hands in his as he carefully applied bright green nail polish to his fingernails. Yuta and Kun looked at each other in amusement, taking in the way Jungwoo looked at Ten.

“This is nice,” Yuta said, lying down on the floor, starfishing his limbs out.

“It is,” Kun agreed. “You’re usually with Doyoung in the weekends, though.”

Yuta hummed noncommittally.

“Yeah, he’s being weird, it’s whatever,” Yuta tried to say easily but Kun could hear the emotion in his voice.

“What do you mean, weird?” Jungwoo asked with a small frown. Kun was concerned too. Despite bickering and arguing constantly, Doyoung and Yuta never really _fought_ and managed to resolve all their issues relatively quickly, mostly through communication but sometimes through hate fucking in the 5th floor bathrooms that were always empty because there were malfunctioning stalls and most of the offices on the floor were empty.

“It’s _fine_ ,” Yuta said in a tone that indicated it was very much _not fine_. “If he wants to hide things from me, that’s his prerogative.”

“Prerogative,” Ten echoed with a snort.

“He’s been all cagey about something lately and he won’t tell me what,” Yuta grumbled. “It’s a little hurtful that he thinks I don’t know him well enough to know that something is off.”

“Maybe it’s something he doesn’t want to bother you with because he can deal with it himself?” Kun suggested. It seemed like a Doyoung thing to do, to hold his troubles close to his chest at times.

“He could never bother me,” Yuta scoffed. “Well, it’s annoying when he picks at my clothes or talks too much during a movie. Or when he does that really irritating thing where he’ll bend over backwards to please someone because he had a chronic case of making people like him.”

“Well, then,” Jungwoo said softly, exchanging a laugh with Ten.

“Okay, whatever, he’s annoying but he’s _my_ annoying,” Yuta pouted stubbornly. “I can take whatever annoying he wants to dish out.”

“Thank God I’m single,” Ten said, poking his tongue out in concentration as he applied nail polish to a pinky nail.

“And ready to mingle?” Jungwoo teased but Kun caught the hope in his voice.

Ten hummed vaguely and Jungwoo looked at Kun instead.

“What about you, hyung?”

“I fucked Johnny,” Kun’s mouth blurted out mildly.

In retrospect, he should have expected the reaction he got because his friends were nothing if not overdramatic. Ten startled so hard, he brushed nail polish across Jungwoo’s hand and Yuta got up so swiftly he hit his limbs on the surrounding furniture. Only Jungwoo seemed calm, reassuring an apologizing Ten that it was fine as he poured acetone on a cotton pad.

“One second, baby,” Ten said, clutching Jungwoo’s hands earnestly before dropping them and whipping around to Kun. “ _What_ the _fuck_? When?”

“Where?” Yuta asked.

“Um,” Kun said slowly. “The day after the night at the club. At Johnny’s house.”

Ten’s forehead crinkled before his eyes widened in realization.

“ _You fucked on the couch we watched Pride and Prejudice on?”_ Ten screeched and Kun winced.

“We didn’t _fuck_ fuck,” Kun hurriedly said. “We just- handjobs.”

“Handjobs,” Yuta repeated curiously.

“Yeah, I mean-” Kun bit his lip. “It wasn’t really a planned thing? And we were both kind of wound up, you could say? Then Ten showed up, so.”

“But you aren’t together?” Ten confirmed and Kun nodded. “Good to know you’d tell me if that happened.”

“I’m telling you now,” Kun protested. “Please don’t be mad, I feel like shit as it is.”

“I’m not mad,” Ten sighed, getting up and sitting beside Kun, snuggling into his side. “Of course, I’m not mad.”

“How did it happen?” Jungwoo asked, taking the task of cleaning his hands of nail polish onto himself. Yuta dragged himself across the floor to where Jungwoo was sitting to help.

“I went over for food and Jaehyun started talking about fucking your friends-” Kun started.

“Oh, no,” Ten said.

“And then Johnny was being weird and Jaehyun said he’s sexually frustrated-”

“Oh, _no_ ,” Ten whined. “Kun, you can’t just take care of people at the detriment of your own wellbeing, we’ve _talked_ about this!”

“It wasn’t that!” Kun insisted. “It wasn’t that!”

“You gave him a handjob, that’s like the most efficient way to take care of a boner, Kun!”

“I-” Kun floundered. “He got me off too.”

“With a handjob?” Yuta said with no small amount of derision.

“What’s wrong with hand jobs?” Kun protested.

“Nothing if you’re teenagers who can’t get a room,” Jungwoo said mildly.

“Also, if you’re in love,” Yuta added. “Handjobs are great if you’re in love but like not for the first time.”

“Probably the only time as well,” Kun grumbled.

“So, you’re telling me,” Ten said. “That you gave the guy you’re in love with a handjob as Bros™ without telling him you’re in love with him?”

“I wasn’t really thinking about it like that but sure,” Kun replied meekly. He probably deserved the light swatting he got on his arm and he appreciated the fact that Ten didn’t actually put any strength into it. “It’s fine, though. Like our relationship is fine? It’s like it didn’t even happen.”

“Of course, it happened! I can tell you got laid!” Ten said. “I just thought it had been at the club or something!”

“What’re you going to do now?” Jungwoo asked.

“Have you talked about it?” Yuta demanded.

“Not really,” Kun shrugged. “There’s nothing to talk about? We agreed it wouldn’t mean anything and we did the thing and that’s it.”

“Makes sense,” Jungwoo hummed. Yuta raised an eyebrow at him and he shrugged. “I don’t know Johnny hyung that well but seems like the type to say something if he wanted. Maybe it was just that for him, you know? That’s why he hasn’t said anything and why they’re relationships normal. It probably wasn’t that big of a deal for him? I’ve slept with friends before as well and it didn’t mean much.”

“I know that,” Kun said, wounded. “But you shouldn’t _say_ it.”

“Didn’t you say you wanted to try getting over him?” Ten asked quietly. “How about you go on a couple of dates and see how it is? And if you still feel the same way about him, you should tell him. Okay?”

Kun thought about it. He _had_ said that, admittedly in one of his worse moments but the idea was appealing. Maybe he’d find someone who could want him back. He’d been playing this game with Johnny for so long, he’d forgotten what it felt like to be loved back. Kun shook himself. That wasn’t fair to Johnny. Johnny loved Kun, of course he did, it was obvious in the way he cared and acted around Kun. That love wasn’t any less valid but it wasn’t what Kun needed anymore. Flirting had been fun, watching Johnny get flustered had been fun but now the pain was getting too much and Kun had never been one to be content to stuck in a shitty situation for long.

He was a striver, a learner, someone who made his life the best it could be within his means. He longer had any particular dreams of grandeur but the life he did have, he wanted to make _happy_.

“Yeah,” He said, even though it hurt more than he could say. “Let’s do that.”

It happened surprisingly quickly, aided by the fact that Kun didn’t have to go to work so he was free pretty much anytime, so his first date was the next day with someone Yuta knew. Yuta had assured him the guy was decent and desperately wanted to be a relationship but warned him he was a little boring for Yuta. Kun didn’t find any issue with that since boring for Yuta was average and even excitable for everyone else.

A text distracted him from getting ready. It was from Johnny, a picture of Jaehyun hunched over his phone with the caption “I think I’ve lost him :(”. Kun laughed, sending a quick text back reassuring Johnny that Jaehyun was simply texting his crush and he’d get him back soon enough. He got a sad emoticon in response and Kun huffed in amusement before getting back to getting ready.

They were meeting for dinner at a restaurant and Kun was early. The date, Jinwoo, had texted earlier so Kun texted him back, telling him he was there. The lack of response worried him but he got a table anyway and soon enough, Jinwoo arrived only a tad bit late, which was easily forgiven. Kun was excited for the first fifteen minutes before he realized this was not going to work.

It wasn’t that the date was bad or that Jinwoo was a bad person. It’s just that he was incredibly boring to Kun. Yuta had been right in his warnings. The man didn’t seem to have many interests or passions besides bodybuilding. Even when Kun tried to grasp onto that fact and make some interesting conversation, asking _why_ he was so into it, he got generic responses he wasn’t sure what to do with. Kun had tried, alright? He’d talked about his own phase where he would diet and work out a ridiculous amount but the conversation still stilted. To make matters worse, he was attractive enough that Kun was reconsidering his rules about one-night stands. If nothing else, at least Yuta knew Kun’s physical type.

In the end, Kun kept to his rules and bid the man farewell after two torturous hours. He wasn’t going to call back for the second date and he barely even felt bad about it, too antsy from a less than stimulating evening. He was power walking home, trying to expend energy when his music dimmed at the sound of a notification. He apologized to the person behind him for abruptly stopping and they mumbled in response.

 **Johnny**  
\- jaehyun left me for sicheng :(((  
\- what’re u doing

Kun contemplated lying but he didn’t see why he should and he wanted to vent.

 **You**  
-walking home from a shitty date

Johnny didn’t immediately reply but it only took a few steps for his phone ring, Johnny’s picture taking up his screen.

“Hey,” Kun answered.

“What shitty date?” Johnny asked without preamble and Kun laughed.

“Yuta set me up with this guy,” Kun replied. “Great eye candy but bored the life out of me.”

“Oh, no,” Johnny said.

“Yeah,” Kun sighed. “That’s a little harsh. He was fine. Left me a little sexually frustrated but fine.”

“Well, I’m here if you want me to fix that little problem for you,” Johnny teased and Kun stopped once again in the middle of the street. This time the person behind him cussed him out well and good, still going even after he’d walked away and his voice had faded.

“God, what did you do?” Johnny asked, intrigued.

“I literally just stopped for a second,” Kun complained. “Middle-aged women really have a lot of time on their hands.”

“Cut them some slack, you’re the one who stopped out of nowhere,” Johnny said. “Are you coming over?”

“Are you serious?” Kun asked.

“Yeah?” Johnny said slowly. “Should I not be?”

“No! I mean, it’s fine,” Kun floundered. “It’s just that we haven’t really talked about the last time.”

“There’s something to talk about?” Johnny asked. “I mean, we can if you want!”

“No, no, it’s fine, I’m coming,” Kun said.

“Are you su-” Johnny started but Kun cut him off.

“ _Yes_ ,”

“Okay! Door’s unlocked!”

Kun hung up, grumbling about Johnny and Jaehyun getting robbed one of these days before making his way to the bus stop. He checked the timings and got on the next bus going towards Johnny’s place in 10 minutes. On the way, he contemplated his life and his decisions and why he was the way he was but all those thoughts went right out the window when Kun came to a halt in front of Johnny’s door.

After this point would be the moment of no return. Although, if Kun really thought about it, telling Johnny he was coming was the moment of no return since if he left now, he’d have to explain why. Perhaps he could make up an excuse that was out of his control. Maybe the bus broke down! Maybe Kun broke his leg on the way over! Of course, then Kun would have to break this leg and he _supposed_ \- Kun wrenched open the door and walked in before he could convince himself to throw himself down a flight of stairs.

Johnny wasn’t in the living room so he assumed he was in his room, which meant they were going to fuck on a _bed_. Luxurious. Kun toed off his shoes and thought it was funny how quickly his mind convinced himself to get into bed with Johnny after all the heartache he’d suffered the previous time and how he swore he’d find someone else, someone who was willing to commit to the kind of relationship that Kun craved.

Johnny was sitting on his bed with a hand behind his head, playing with his phone but he looked up when he saw Kun enter. Kun closed the door behind himself, walking into the room.

“Hey,” Johnny said softly. “You look worn out.”

“Do I?” Kun asked. “I don’t feel worn out.”

“Yeah, are you sur- okay, then,” Johnny stopped his sentence when Kun climbed onto his lap without much warning. Kun wasn’t entire sure what else Johnny expected him to do since there weren’t any empty chairs in the room. “We’re just gonna dive right in. Okay.”

“Was there something else you wanted to do?” Kun asked.

“Nope,” Johnny said, straightening himself and throwing his phone away. Kun spared the phone a thought but his attention focused back on Johnny when he felt hands around his waist. “You look nice.”

“Thanks,” Kun said, beaming. “I tried. Not that my date noticed.”

“The audacity,” Johnny said with a mock gasp. His fingers bunched up in the sweater material of Kun’s top when Kun leaned down to press a kiss that was far too gentle against Johnny’s lips. He gripped Johnny’s chin and moved his face until he could kiss more deeply more easily.

Kun quickly found out how much he loved the fact that Johnny let him manhandle him when Johnny let hand come up from his waist to hold Kun’s face. Kun wasn’t particularly feeling the tenderness with which Johnny touched him, knowing that if he acknowledged it, he’d fall deeper into it than Johnny intended. He took Johnny’s hand in his own and pulled it away, holding it up against the headboard. Johnny moaned against Kun’s mouth at the feeling of being restrained. Kun pulled away.

“Is this okay?” He asked, nodding at his hand on Johnny’s. Johnny nodded in return, licking his lips. He took his other hand off Kun’s waist and put it complacently beside his other one over his head. He looked so trusting and vulnerable, Kun had to swallow.

When he kissed Johnny again, it was rougher, more open-mouthed and Kun slid his tongue into Johnny’s eager mouth. He turned his antsy inclinations into action, kissing Johnny like his life depended on it, his hand gripping him tight while the other explored. He only pulled away to tug Johnny’s shirt off of him and sat back on Johnny’s lap, taking in the view.

“Like what you see?” Johnny teased, though his eyes were hazy and his lips were swollen and wet. His arms were still over his head, putting his taut muscles in good display.

“Definitely,” Kun replied. “Can I tie your hands?”

He saw Johnny’s eyes darken at the prospect and he felt Johnny’s dick twitch in interest.

“I’d be into that,” Johnny said in a low voice. “But I don’t exactly have bondage gear lying around.”

“You don’t?” Kun pouted, laughing at Johnny’s expression. “I’m kidding. Don’t you have a tie or something?

“In the drawer in the closet,” Johnny said, whining when Kun hopped off him. His protests died when Kun pulled his own sweater and shirt off of himself before shucking off his trousers.

“Wait, are you sure?” Kun asked once he’d retrieved the item he’d wanted. He was becoming unsure of the situation as the horny haze that took over him when his body was pressed against Johnny’s seemed to fade. "That was a little much of me."

“Yes,” Johnny insisted. “Are _you_ sure?”

“I’ll tie it loosely, okay?” Kun said, standing beside Johnny and taking his hands gently into his own.  

“I trust you,” Johnny said and Kun hoped he wouldn’t notice the tremble that took over Kun’s hands at the words.

“Far too much for someone you’ve never actually fucked,” Kun said instead.

“Not at all,” Johnny mused. “I don’t do one-night stands because I can’t trust some stranger with this. You’re my only hope.”

“Just have vanilla sex then,” Kun offered even as he tied the tie loosely around Johnny’s wrists before placing them on the headboard and tying the remaining tie around the furniture.

“Sure,” Johnny tried to shrug. “Kinda hard to find someone who will fuck me, though.”

Johnny quickly noticed the way Kun froze at his words but Kun spoke before Johnny could open his mouth and undoubtedly say something ridiculous.

“Do you want that?” Kun asked kindly.

“Do you?” Johnny asked.

“I’m a switch,” Kun said, carefully getting back on Johnny. “I’m down for anything but the thought of fucking you is incredibly hot. I’d like that, please.”

He pressed a tender kiss on Johnny’s chest, feeling his exhale and unwind. He continued his path with gentle presses of lips against skin, exploring the planes of Johnny’s torso.

“Everyone just kind of assumes I’m a top dom,” Johnny said breathlessly.

“Are you?” Kun asked against the side of his neck.

“I could be,” Johnny said. “I don’t want to be right now.”

“Then don’t,” Kun said simply, finally reaching Johnny’s face, scraping his teeth along Johnny’s jawline. “I’ll take care of you.”

“You always do,” Johnny said fondly and Kun flushed at the praise.

The kiss that Johnny tilted his head for was far too tender but Kun allowed it, tamping his own bubbling emotions down because he knew Johnny needed it. He bit down on Johnny’s bottom lip, lapping up the needy moan it prompted. This time when he made his way downwards, he did so with his teeth, nibbling at skin until Johnny keened against him, whimpering and writhing as Kun stimulated whatever sensitive points he could locate.

“You know you’re really beautiful,” Johnny started rambling when Kun hooked a finger in his underwear. Kun detached himself from Johnny’s neck and looked at him in bewilderment but seeing Kun’s confused gaze only seemed to spur Johnny on. “It’s like I just started fully noticing how hot you are and now I can’t stop.”

“Wow, you’re really unobservant,” Kun said, trying to hide his blush by attacking Johnny’s neck again. He was sure there would be a myriad of marks on the clear skin on display tomorrow but he didn’t have to go to work so he didn’t have to face any embarrassment and Johnny didn’t seem to mind, rather baring more of his neck for easy access.

“Not true,” Johnny gasped out. “I always knew how pretty your smile was. How charming the way your hair fell on your eyes was. How you’re so bright and - _oh.”_

If ever asked, Kun would admit he did it on purpose, the brushing of his tongue lightly across Johnny’s nipple to make him _shut up_ because he was making Kun feel things that he promised himself he’d left at the door. He didn’t let up, letting his tongue play around while his fingers gave the other attention until Johnny was incoherent again, only gasping Kun’s name.

“You could just tell me to shut up,” Johnny said, gasping desperately when Kun finally moved down. Johnny’s abdominal area _could_ be toned but from the way he was positioned, it was soft and cushiony under Kun’s mouth and Kun loved it.

“No, I like it when you talk,” Kun said, not mentioning that he just disliked the words that rubbed salt on his wound. Johnny needn’t know he even had a wound.

“I’m rambling, aren’t I?” Johnny asked bashfully and Kun wondered how he could sound so boyish and innocent when he was half-naked, tied up to a bedpost with another half-naked man’s mouth inching dangerously close to his dick. Kun hummed noncommittally against his hip bone, hooking his fingers into the sides of his underwear and pyjama pants, slowly pulling down.

He noticed Johnny’s dick was already leaking a little and it made something proud rear its head in him. _He_ had done that and he was going to do a lot more. He moved, shifting until he was sitting on the mattress between Johnny’s legs. Johnny raised his hips, letting his bottoms be discarded completely with a kick.

A gentle hand on Johnny’s inner thigh had been opening his legs immediately to Kun’s touch and it left Kun breathless. He felt a little drunk on the amount of power Johnny was giving him but he was determined to use it well, hooking his arm under Johnny’s thigh and pressing kisses and bites against the soft flesh until it was quivering. The soft pleading falling out of Johnny’s mouth was music to Kun’s ears, more melodious than the most perfect symphonies.

Kun’s mouth finally came to the base of Johnny’s leaking dick. He made sure to press a hand to steady Johnny’s hips before taking the tip in his mouth.

Expletives sugar-coated with praise erupted out of Johnny’s mouth. Kun looked up to find Johnny’s eyes screwed shut, his chest rising and falling erratically as Kun lapped up at the rising member with kitten licks.

“Johnny,” Kun scolded, watching Johnny’s eyes fly open. “You know I don’t like it when you don’t look at me.”

“Sorry,” Johnny gasped out. “I’m sorry.”

“It’s almost like you don’t want to see the person turning you into a hot, whining mess,” Kun exaggeratedly pouted, pressing his tongue along Johnny’s shaft as an afterthought, feeling it twitch against his tongue.

“The opposite,” Johnny struggled to say insistently. “You don’t know good you look right now. I might lose it from the sight, you’re so gorgeous.”

Kun wondered how Johnny could just _say_ stuff like that but the earnest sincerity in his voice was genuine and he made an effort to not turn his expressive brown eyes away from Kun again.

“Oh, god, _please,_ ” Johnny’s voice was almost hoarse and the guttural begging went straight to Kun’s dick which was already straining against his briefs.

“What do you want?” Kun asked, coming back up to kiss Johnny because he could respond, feeling him arch into the kiss hungrily. Kun pulled away reluctantly when his own boner was screaming and he felt his own hips try to rut against Johnny’s crotch.

“Please- I-” Johnny licked his lips, looking up at Kun blearily.

“Use your words, baby,” Kun said. “You certainly had a lot of them before.”

“Want you to fuck me,” Johnny said, and it was evident in the way he said it that he didn’t say it often and wasn’t used to the words around his mouth in that order. Kun beamed down at him in response, pressing a soft kiss against his waiting lips.

“Good,” Kun said. “Supplies?”

“Third drawer,” Johnny informed him. It was easy enough to find, the drawer pretty sparse otherwise, although Kun did see some interesting thing he’d want to visit later if Johnny let him. He filed the information away for later, giving Johnny another reassuring kiss before sliding back down between his legs, easily pulling them apart. He reached for something to put under Johnny’s lower back so he’d have better access but paused his hands grabbed a plushie.

“Can I?” He asked.

“Don’t you dare,” Johnny shot back and Kun laughed. He reached for Johnny’s other pillow which was nearly falling off the bed and used that instead.

“Have you done this before?” Kun asked, pouring a generous amount of lube onto his fingers.

“A couple of times with others,” Johnny said, nervousness bleeding into his voice even as he tried to keep it even. “Tried it myself a few times.”

“I saw,” Kun commented, thinking back to the dildo he’d peeked in the drawer. He didn’t give Johnny time to get embarrassed, brushing a wet finger against his hole, watching it flutter almost in tandem with Johnny’s hitched gasps.

“Don’t worry, baby,” Kun said, pressing a kiss against the soft inner thigh, finger still playing around the entrance. “I’ll take care of you.”

Hearing Johnny say “I know,” in an honest, needy voice sent shivers down Kun’s spine. Johnny hissed at the intrusion as Kun breached the rim but Kun rubbed a hand on his thighs, trying to soothe him.

Kun started slow, ignoring Johnny’s whining and urging when he got a finger in. The stretch must burn and Kun was generous with the lube, even if the mess against the sheets would make him want to clean it later. Kun steadied his hand even when Johnny rocked his body against Kun’s finger, trying to gain friction.

“Don’t you want me to fuck you?” Kun asked mildly, pulling out of a whimpering Johnny only to apply more lube and return with two fingers. “Or are you just going to fuck yourself on my fingers and come from that?”

The reprimand didn’t stop Johnny from trying to fuck into Kun’s fingers after he’s stretched Johnny out with two.

“More,” Johnny gasped and Kun only obliged because he was going to anyway, not because of the way Johnny sounded when he was desperate, a sound that would echo in Kun’s very soul for eons to come.

Kun only removed his hand from Johnny’s hips once he was satisfied with the stretch, content that the moans and whines falling out of Johnny’s mouth hadn’t a hint of pain or discomfort. He let Johnny wantonly fuck himself on Kun’s fingers, enjoying the view.

“If you keep this up, I won’t get to fuck you,” Kun reminded Johnny, who slowed his movements. “You’d have to come untouched because _I’m_ not going to touch and you- well.”

The restraints had stayed in place despite all of Johnny’s writhing, probably because Johnny had them twisted even more around his hand as he clutched them for support.

“Sorry,” Johnny choked out. “Please fuck me already.”

“Since you asked so nicely,” Kun replied, his voice nowhere near as even as he’d hoped. Johnny was surprisingly patient through the process of Kun putting on a condom and lubing himself up. Kun attributed the silence to nervousness as he raised one of Johnny’s leg to his shoulders and paused before pushing in.

“Are you sure?” He asked a final time. He saw Johnny swallow and nod. “You can say no if you changed your mind.”

“I don’t know if I want you to go slow or just do it in one go,” Johnny said and Kun laughed. “But I trust you.”

Kun kept his gaze on Johnny’s and Johnny’s eyes didn’t leave his. It was probably too intimate for something as flimsy as fucking your friend to get off but he knew Johnny needed it, needed that connection to the person he’d made himself vulnerable to. Not a lot to people got to see Johnny like this and Kun allowed himself to treasure it, drinking in Johnny’s expression as it went from nervousness to a slight wince as Kun sunk in.

The O Johnny’s flower petal lips made intoxicated Kun and he couldn’t help lean down and kiss it. Johnny moaned harshly against Kun’s mouth when he finally bottomed out, settling deep in Johnny.

“You okay?” Kun asked, peppering a kiss across Johnny’s cheeks.

“Yeah,” Johnny whispered. “Give me a moment.”

“Take your time,” Kun said, brushing the sweaty hair off Johnny’s forehead. He clenched his jaw, trying not to register the warmth and tightness around his cock and failing spectacularly. He choked out a gasp, almost collapsing when Johnny moved experimentally.

“You feel good,” Johnny mused, almost as if he wasn’t aware he was speaking out loud. “Feel full but good? Good full. You’re so good to me.”

Kun couldn’t help but laugh, kissing Johnny and gently nipping at his bottom lip.

“Yeah?”

“Am I rambling again?” Johnny asked in a daze.

“I told you I like it,” Kun insisted. “You like having my cock in you, filling you up?”

“ _So much_ ,” Johnny gasped, rocking back slowly against Kun. “You can move.”

Kun did, slowly dragging himself out before pushing back in just as carefully.

“You’re so good to me,” Words started falling out of Johnny’s mouth, disjointed by gasped and whimpers but somehow still cohesive through sheer force of will. “You can go faster, h-harder. _Oh_.”

“I told you I’d take care of you,” Kun said, keeping his pace steady despite his protesting muscles. A particularly deep thrust had Johnny crying out under him, back arching as he strained against the tie and it finally became undone. Kun took Johnny’s hand in his own when it tried to clutch onto him while the other wrapped itself around the sheets as Johnny lost himself in the sensation, Kun trying to keep the angle that hit his prostate consistently.

“Faster, more,” Johnny choked out, desperately trying to fuck himself onto Kun’s dick without much success. “Please, Kun.”

Kun looked down at Johnny who looked at him with feverish eyes. It was hard to deny him anything on a good day but it was particularly impossible when he looked at him like _that_. Kun picked up his pace, repressing the tight coiling in his abdomen while he concentrated on fucking into Johnny at a ruthless pace, leaving him clawing at the sheets and incoherent to the point where only whimpers and broken sobs came out of his heavy lungs.

Johnny, bless his heart, tried his best to look at Kun, not letting his eyes close even when they sparkled with unshed tears. His mouth was moving, seemingly trying to say something and Kun slowed down to a heavy drag only for Johnny to whimper.

“What is it, baby?” Kun asked, surprised at how fucked out and hoarse his voice sounded. He hadn’t even registered how he vocal he was being.

“Are you- Is it good?” Johnny asked with a hitch in his breathing. “For you? Please don’t stop.”

“I’m good, Johnny,” Kun promised, continuing his rocking, taking pity on the weeping cock between them as Johnny didn’t even seem to register that he could touch himself. He fisted Johnny’s dick, the precome enough for Kun’s hands to slide in what he assumed was pleasure since it made Johnny cry out brokenly. Keeping at his double assault as consistently as he could with his own need fraying his thoughts, Kun continued. “You’re so good like this, you look so pretty being fucked. You feel like heaven, baby, and you’ve been so so good. Come for me.”

It only took a few more words and thrusts for Johnny to let out a moan that broke before it fully left him, his entire body convulsing. His desperate chants of Kun’s name and the way he was tightening around Kun, begging him to come with him pushed Kun over the edge.

The orgasm exploded over him and he fucked Johnny through it, knowing that _some words_ were coming out of his mouth but he wasn’t sure what they were and only hoped in retrospect that they weren’t particularly incriminating. He buried his face in Johnny’s neck as he fucked into the warmth, vaguely aware of Johnny’s hands on him as an almost soothing presence.

His hips slowed to a halt as he came down breathlessly. His cock was still warm inside Johnny, who seemed to be rubbing his fingers through Kun’s hair, gasping lightly when Kun moved and sat up.

Johnny looked up at him with a gaze that told Kun he was trying to be closed off but unknowingly failing. It was to be expected after being so vulnerable with someone who you weren’t sure was going to do next. Kun leaned down to press a soft kiss against Johnny’s forehead. His own feelings were waging a war in him, activating his primal fight or flight response as he realized the situation he was in but he tried his best to tamp it down. He couldn’t run away, he wasn’t an asshole and he could take a little pain if it meant getting that look out of Johnny’s eyes.

“Hey,” Kun whispered. “You good?”

“Yeah,” Johnny said with a tremor. “I’m fine.”

Kun didn’t entirely believe him but he conceded, pulling out of Johnny slowly.

“Empty,” Johnny said in a far off voice, as though unaware he was voicing his thoughts. Kun paused.

“Do you want me to stay in?” He asked.

“No, it’s fine,” Johnny said in a tone that made Kun laugh, much like a child who didn’t want to have his favorite toy put away but knew he had to. Johnny gasped when Kun finally pulled out but Kun ran a soothing hand over his thighs.

“Don’t leave,” Johnny said when Kun got off the bed. “I mean, you can if you want. Obviously.”

“I’m not going anywhere,” Kun replied kindly. “I’m just going to get a washcloth.”

“Oh, okay,” Johnny said. “The washroom, the third drawer has new ones. Jaehyun will burn his if you use it.”

Kun looked around for something to wear and found Johnny’s discarded sweatpants and put them on, struggling for a moment to get the drawstring tight enough, earning a soft laugh from Johnny. Kun quickly retrieved the towel, berating himself for not doing it beforehand. He stopped by the kitchen and grabbed a glass of water as well. When he got back, Johnny had covered himself in a blanket.

“Alright?” Kun asked, slipping back into the room and locking the door behind him. He really didn’t want Jaehyun barging in and having to explain himself, even though this was all kind of Jaehyun’s doing.

“Yeah,” Johnny said quietly. He accepted the water and let Kun move the blanket, clean him up and tuck him in again. “Are you gonna-” A nod at the space beside himself on the bed clued Kun.

“Yeah, I think we need to get some sugar into your system first,” Kun said, biting lip. He wasn’t a stranger to aftercare, he just hadn’t planned this out at all and it was making him feel like shit.

“I have some snacks there,” Johnny pointed a blanketed finger at the vanity and Kun retrieved some chocolate and settled in beside Johnny fairly quickly. “Is this necessary?”

“You look pretty worn out,” Kun echoed Johnny’s earlier words, handing him the chocolate insistently. “Like emotionally as well.”

“Sorry,” Johnny said sheepishly, taking the chocolate and opening it.

“Don’t apologize,” Kun berated gently, watching Johnny bite into the food. “It’s okay. I’m glad your wrists are fine. We should really plan these out better.”

“I’ll send you a list of my kinks?” Johnny snorted. Kun shrugged in response.

“I mean, sure,” Kun said. Johnny remained silent but put the chocolate away after a few more bites before sliding down to a lying down position. Kun shifted closer and when Johnny didn’t move away, he put an arm around him. Johnny immediately melted against the touch, letting Kun wrap him up in a cuddle. It made Kun’s heart grow painfully large.

“I’ve never been in this position before,” Johnny mused after a moment.

“Glad to know I’m special,” Kun teased.

“You are,” Johnny said fondly before getting serious. “But I mean like, literally. When I said I had only done this a couple of times, I meant it and none of those followed this.”

“Do you wanna talk about it?”

“Nothing much to talk about,” Johnny said, voice distant but body moving closer. He was a nice weight against Kun and his eyes fluttered shut as Kun started running his fingers through his hair. “The first time was pretty quick, I guess. Mediocre. The second time, I was too drunk to remember the actual thing but the person was gone by the time I woke up.”

“Well,” Kun said, unsure of what to say and whether he should even say anything at all as it seemed Johnny was drifting off, his breathing evening out against Kun’s chest. Luckily, Johnny saved Kun from responding, humming in affirmation and snuggling in closer before dozing off with light snores.

Johnny’s hair was soft under his fingers and his body pliant and heavy wrapped around Kun’s so Kun couldn’t leave even if he wanted to. But the bitch of it was that he didn’t want to, despite his aching heart begging him to spare it. He’d lie here until Johnny got up, until he could make sure Johnny was okay and only then would he allow his feet to take him away.

Kun drifted off marveling the way Johnny’s eyelashes fanned his cheeks. Sleep came heavy and when Kun blearily woke up, it was only because the space beside him was empty and the lights were hitting his eyes. He hardly got time to wake up properly, though, before the lights were switched off and a warm body accompanied him in bed again.

Kun turned towards it, whining in protest at the deprivation of body warm and felt a rumble of laughter vibrate through him when he wrapped himself around Johnny again.

“Sorry,” he heard Johnny say distantly. “Went to make sure Jaehyun didn’t get too worried.”

“He back?” Kun asked sleepily.

“Did not shoot his shot,” Johnny confirmed. A soothing hand ran down his spine. “Go back to sleep.”

Kun woke up with a startle, looking frantically for a clock before realizing he didn’t have work. He fell back on the bed, relieved before shooting back up, realizing he was _not_ in his own bed or alone.

Johnny was still sleeping. Understandably, since his working day started after Kun’s and he probably did not have a biological clock that demanded he hurl himself out of bed at such an early hour. Johnny looked almost dainty like this, eyes closed and mouth slightly open. Kun thought of getting up and leaving before discarding the thought, settling in to enjoy the view for as long as he could, lest he never be able to lay eyes on it again. He fell into slumber again and was only awoke when the sunlight hit his eyes.

He wasn’t alone, though Johnny was awake beside him and on his phone, aimlessly scrolling through Twitter it seemed, too fast for Kun to even comprehend anything.

“Are you actually taking any of that in?” Kun asked sleepily and Johnny looked up at him.

“Uh, not really,” Johnny said, putting his screen to sleep and haphazardly throwing his phone on his side table. Kun’s eyes followed the phone’s near topple off the edge.

“You should really get a phone cover with how you treat your phone,” Kun said. “It’s what it deserves.”

“Yeah but,” Johnny whined. “Aesthetic.”

“I forget you’re rich,” Kun complained, sitting up. “The bourgeois.”

“My _family_ is upper middle class,” Johnny protested. “ _I_ am- well, whatever I am now. I share an apartment with Jaehyun! I work at a radio show!”

“Mhm,” Kun hummed indulgently, stretching. When he opened his eyes, he saw Johnny eyeing him and smiled at him. “How’re you feeling?”

“I’m good,” Johnny replied with a matching smile. He turned softer as he spoke his next words. “Thanks for last night. And staying.”

“Of course,” Kun said. “Although, maybe we should plan it out better next time.”

“Next time?” Johnny teased, quickly pulling away the covers when Kun made to hide to under them. “Now that I’ve seen you in bed, it really is a novelty seeing you blushing like a virgin.”

“I am not blushing like a virgin,” Kun insisted even as he felt his body heat up and flush. “Your room is warm!”

“Then why are you trying to hide under the covers?” Johnny asked mildly and Kun shot him a look. “Okay, okay. We should plan it better. Do you want me to invest in handcuffs?”

“Steel handcuffs hurt, actually,” Kun started before seeing the look on Johnny’s face. “Oh. You’re joking. Oops.”

“I could not be joking,” Johnny said quickly. “I’ve just never really done something like this before but I trust you.”

“We can figure it out,” Kun dismissed. He didn’t even know if they were going to do this again. “Shouldn’t you be at work?”

“Not yet,” Johnny said. “Jaehyun’s making breakfast. You should stay.”

“Okay,” Kun said because why not? “Is this going to become a regular thing?”

“I don’t know,” Johnny shrugged. “How about we just call each other when we’re horny?”

“Sounds good,” Kun said despite the wailing in his head. Fuckbuddies was _fine_ , really. Now if the voice in his head could stop being overdramatic. Fuckbuddies was a clearly defined relationship, a departure from their previous vaguely defined relationship. Through some serious feats of mental gymnastics, Kun even convinced himself this was good, since he was now free to get over Johnny romantically.

“Maybe you’ll give up a little control next time,” Johnny mused.

“I am not controlling,” Kun protested, though the words felt like a little bit of a lie.

“You are,” Johnny told him with sparkling eyes. “It’s okay, it’s what I wanted but you have, like, this complex to be in control and take care of people even during sex.”

“Are you psychoanalyzing our sex?” Kun asked incredulously just as there was a knock on the door and Jaehyun’s voice calling them to breakfast.

“Yeah, and?” Johnny challenged and Kun hopped off the bed and left the room, Johnny trailing behind it. “It’s how you learn and-”

“Jaehyun, Johnny’s giving me a performance review on the sex,” Kun whined as he sat on the breakfast bar, startling Jaehyun into laughter. The hysterical laughter continued until Kun got worried. “Jaehyun, your toast will burn.”

That sobered him and got him upright immediately, tending to his food with care.

“It’s not a _performance review_ ,” Johnny complained. “It’s- it’s talking about stuff! I like talking about stuff!”

“I’ve noticed,” Kun said drily, earning a soft blush from Johnny as he remembered his loose mouth from last night. “Send me a strongly worded email about it.”

“I’m just _saying_ -” Johnny started but was cut off by Jaehyun.

“Bro, I’m happy you’re getting laid but no sex talk on the table,” Jaehyun said firmly, places fruit in front of them.

“You’ll change your tune once you start getting laid,” Johnny rolled his eyes.

“I doubt it,” Jaehyun shot back. “Sicheng seems pretty private.”

“How was your date last night?” Kun asked, gratefully taking the plate from Jaehyun.

“It wasn’t a date,” Jaehyun said with red eyes. “At least, I don’t think so. Does hanging out at his place playing video games count as a date?”

“Sure,” Kun said just as Johnny said, “Not really.”

Jaehyun looked between them in mild panic.

“Does it or doesn’t it?” He asked.

“First, put the frypan down,” Johnny said cautiously. “Secondly, I think dates should be more than that but it’s really all about the intent. For me, at least.”

“I agree,” Kun said. “But I know Sicheng and he’s not really a grand romantic gestures and public displays of affection kind of guy so honestly, staying home and hanging out would be his ideal date.”

“Okay,” Jaehyun said slowly.

“Just ask him,” Johnny offered and Kun nodded vigorously at the suggestion.

“Dear Sicheng,” Kun started, as though narrating a love letter.

“Dear _beloved_ ,” Johnny corrected him with a snicker, narrowing escaping the washcloth Jaehyun hurled at him. The breakfast continued with more teasing of Jaehyun until Kun had to leave and the other two had to get ready for work. He was dressed in Jaehyun’s clothes again after much whining about how oversized Johnny’s were and how he couldn’t possibly go out in public in them.

The walk back felt quicker than it was and soon, Kun was collapsing onto his own bed, staring up at the ceiling. He’d think about his actions and their consequences but his brain felt comfortably numb at the moment and he didn’t want to disturb it. He crawled under the covers and put on a YouTube video, spiraling down a hole of unproductivity and low brain usage. It felt amazing.

He was brought back into the real world when Jungwoo’s messages kept insistently popping up.

 **Jungwoo**  
\- hyung  
\- hyung  
\- hyung listen  
\- hyung its important

 **You**  
\- yes?

 **Jungwoo  
\- **blond or brunette?

 **You**  
\- what

 **Jungwoo  
-** for your date day after tomorrow

 **You**  
\- is he dying his hair for me??

 **Jungwoo**  
\- no silly its two different people  
\- the blond or the brunette?

 **You**  
\- ,,,,, brunette?

 **Jungwoo**  
\- okay!  
\- don’t forget! it’s on wednesday! at 7 p.m.!

 **You**  
\- okay, gotcha

Date number two, Kun mused as he put his phone away. He wondered if it was the best course of action, consider what he had tentatively started with Johnny. But then again, blurred lines had turned into solid divides. Johnny seemed to have no romantic inclination, no issues with Kun going on dates. They were simply friends with benefits, Kun concluded and while the sex was welcome, Kun still wanted something romantic, something to soothe his aching heart.

The sudden insistent ringing of his doorbell startled Kun out of his thoughts. He got off bed with a groan. Only a three people would lean against his doorbell in such a way and when Kun flung his door open and saw the grinning double attack on his door, he sighed.

“I really wished it was Ten,” Kun said.

“Bullshit,” Yangyang said with a laugh, flinging his arms around Kun. “You missed us.”

“You were agonizing over our time away,” Chenle’s voice said from beside Yangyang.

“You were counting down the days to our arrival,” Yangyang continued.

“I assure you, I was doing nothing of the sort,” Kun replied, reminding himself to delete the calendar reminder on his phone. “How was China? Had fun terrorizing the locals?”

Chenle attached himself to Kun’s side as soon as Yangyang let go. He closed the door behind them and watched Yangyang head immediately to raid his fridge as Kun and Chenle settled on the couch. Chenle started his rant about their trip, about how they disconnected from wifi for two weeks and the things they saw and the people they met when Yangyang came back empty-handed and pouting.

“You really weren’t expecting us,” Yangyang whined. “There’s no snacks.”

“I’ve haven’t gone grocery shopping yet,” Kun said with a laugh, ruffling Yangyang’s hair. “We can go together now, if you want. I could use your hands.”

Grocery shopping was both easier and harder with Yangyang and Chenle. Easier because he could deploy them on aisle specific missions with lists, harder because they often came back with things that weren’t on the list. He indulged them when he could though since it was getting harder and harder to actually spend time with them now that they were adults, working on their thesis’ or Master’s or doing internships or getting jobs. Kun hadn’t even seen Renjun in nearly a month but Jaemin’s Instagram assured Kun that Renjun was still alive and happy, if incredibly busy. Even the fact that Yangyang and Chenle found time after a flight to come visit him warmed him immensely and he allowed them to talk him into buying them hotpot for dinner.

“What’s been happening since we left, gege?” Yangyang asked once they were settled into a booth, broth boiling away in front of them. “How’s work?”

“Work’s good,” Kun said with a laugh. “My life’s the same, tell me about your adventures.”

They really didn’t need to be told twice, launching into the tales of their antics, most of which Kun was sure were only slightly embellished. He didn’t realize how long had passed until Chenle stopped mid-sentence and looked at his watch.

“We should get going,” He said sheepishly. “Kun-ge has work tomorrow.”

“Actually, I don’t,” Kun replied with a laugh, ruffling Chenle’s hair fondly. “I’m on leave for another week. Well, about 5 more days.”

“Why?” Yangyang asked, narrowing his eyes suspiciously. “You never take a leave. You didn’t even take a leave on your birthday.”

“Maybe that’s why I took a long leave at once,” Kun replied.

“Aw, you won’t get to see your crush everyday now,” Yangyang said with wide, earnest eyes, moving away swiftly when Kun threatened to stab him with his chopstick. “Do you miss him?”

“Why do I waste my time with you people?” Kun asked himself loudly, ignoring Yangyang and Chenle’s snickering. “I should just discard you two and adopt Xiaojun.”

“Xiaojun?” Yangyang sounded scandalized. “Don’t you dare.”

“Then stay out of my personal life,” Kun shot back snidely, sticking his tongue out. He felt ridiculous but he couldn’t help it, the children bringing out something childish in him.

“It’s not really a personal life when you’re out there making heart eyes at each other in broad daylight but okay,” Chenle muttered, shoving some lettuce into his mouth before he could incriminate himself further.

“I will have you _know_ I’m going on a date this Wednesday,” Kun said, watching Chenle nearly choke on the lettuce contently.

“Wow, Johnny hyung really came around?” Yangyang asked in disbelief. “I can’t believe it.”

“It’s not with Johnny,” Kun rolled his eyes.

Chenle muttered “ _Not with Johnny?_ ” to himself while Yangyang looked confused.

“Then who with?” Yangyang asked.

“I don’t know, actually,” Kun shrugged. “It’s a blind date, in a way.”

“What about Johnny?” Chenle whined, pouting. “I like Johnny!”

“Johnny’s our real dad,” Yangyang said, voice serious and Kun tamped down the urge to smack them.

“It’s okay, I’ve adopted Xiaojun as is,” Kun replied calmly.

Kun was sad to say that he’d missed the ensuing whining and pouting that followed, smiling fondly at the memory even when Chenle and Yangyang had left and he was curling up in bed, looking at the pictures he’d been tagged in by them.

The days leading up to date number two were spend trying to stave off anxiety. With the end of his break approaching, Kun felt the urge to somehow start working again and he had composed and deleted a handful of emails to Wonwoo asking to catch him up on what was happening. His friends were good at keeping him distracted, dragging him out to do thing he’d been too busy to do; _finally_ seeing that play with Doyoung on the last night it was on, spending the day with Jungwoo and Ten, running with Xiaojun at odd hours of the night since that was when the younger was free. Still, as the week was coming to a close, Kun felt both uneasy but also excited at the prospect of going back.

“How are things at work?” Kun blurted out on Tuesday, smiling sheepishly when Johnny looked at him, startled at the sudden change in topic. They were having a late dinner after Johnny had left work.

“Doyoung told me I’m not allowed to tell you that,” Johnny teased, grinning when Kun whined and leaning in to continue whispering. “But between us, it sucks without you.”

“Shut up,” Kun pouted, wanting to swat Johnny, who pulled away laughing. “I mean _work_ work.”

“It’s all good, Kun,” Johnny said easily, going back to digging into his food. “Everything is running smoothly. It’s fine.”

The news didn’t make Kun feel any better. In fact, it just made him feel unnecessary and antsy, wanting to return and be a productive member of society again. Perhaps Johnny picked up on that – he always was observant – because he reached out and tapped his chopsticks against Kun’s plate, dragging Kun’s spiraling thoughts away from his job.

“What’re you thinking about?” Johnny asked, honey brown eyes expectant. Shifting his focus from his thoughts to Johnny gave him the opportunity to _look_ at Johnny and he frowned slightly when he noticed the slight bags under Johnny’s eyes.

“Are you okay?” Kun asked instead of answering, still frowning. “You look tired.”

Johnny’s laugh was genuine and filled Kun with warmth, forcing a smile out of him.

“I didn’t sleep well last night,” Johnny said indulgently, momentarily letting Kun change the subject. “Jaehyun and I spent hours watching documentaries and they plagued my dreams.”

“You know you shouldn’t binge-watch those before you sleep,” Kun complained, smiling when Johnny snickered.

“Sure thing,” Johnny said with a mock salute. “How’re you feeling about your last few days of freedom?”

“I’m excited to get back to work,” Kun replied honestly.

“We’re excited to have you back at work,” Johnny said with a grin. “But enjoy your time away while you can. Rest up!”

“I’m actually going on a date tomorrow,” Kun said and he didn’t know why. He didn’t know why he shouldn’t either, since it was a friendly lunch between friends and it was something that he would have told Ten or Sicheng, so relaying it to Johnny shouldn’t be out of place. Johnny, to his credit, barely seemed phased by it.

“Again?” He asked, attempting to get his food onto his chopstick. “You’re really going for it, huh?”

Kun played around with his food, mildly losing his appetite.

“I haven’t dated in a long time,” Kun replied. “I think it’s time.”

“Good luck,” Johnny said with a grin. “I hope you find someone amazing.”

Kun swallowed the knot forming in his throat.

“Thanks,” He said with a smile he hoped came across as genuine. It seemed like it did, the lunch going back to normal until Johnny had to leave for work, paying their bill swiftly with his card before Kun could open his wallet. Kun was used to it and simply smiled at Johnny, who grinned back before walking away, waking before he turned the corner and left Kun’s sight.

Wednesday rolled around lazily, throwing an agitated Kun on edge. The morning passed with the closer slower than Kun expected, each fervent glance at the clock showing a time much earlier than Kun had anticipated.

He ended up getting ready for his date an hour before he had to leave and he sat anxiously on the edge of his bed, looking at his phone, at the sparse messages between himself and Junhui, the person Jungwoo had set him up with. Another text startled him from his thoughts.

 **Ten  
**\- good luck on ur date :P

 **You**  
\- lmao thanks

 **Ten**  
\- nervous?  
\- you shouldn’t be  
\- if it doesn’t work out, it’s doesn’t work out  
\- just be natural

 **You**  
\- why are you being so nice to me?  
\- what demon have you picked for me to date?

 **Ten**  
\- lol :P  
\- i haven’t found anyone yet, i’ll wait until this one fails

 **You**  
\- until?? not if???

 **Ten**  
\- ,,, i believe in you :D

Kun huffed a laugh, closing the chat, feeling lighter despite Ten’s lack of faith in him. Ten was right, it was just a date, either it went well or it didn’t.

They’d planned to meet at a fried chicken place after Junhui’s work so at least Kun was guaranteed some good food and a little alcohol to grease the wheels if necessary.

It didn’t turn out to be necessary though, when Junhui burst in like a whirlwind, much different animated than his cool, still pictures had seemed. Still, he was warm and funny, even if a tad bit shy and could go off on a tangent about things he was interested in but endearingly so. They both spoke Mandarin and they were both born in 1996 but that was where their similarities ended. That wasn’t necessarily a bad thing though, since Kun genuinely had an enjoyable time.

However, by the end of it, it felt more like a friend hangout rather than a date and despite growing immensely fond of the other Chinese man, Kun didn’t feel any spark and from the way Junhui behaved, it seemed those platonic feelings were reciprocated. While disappointed, Kun didn’t feel bad, instead feeling happier and lighter and glad he’d gone on the date, having gained a new friend.

Junhui seemed apologetic in the end, when he told Kun he couldn’t see them dating but Kun waved off the genuine sheepishness and extended a hand of friendship that Jun enthusiastically took. Kun didn’t feel it had been a waste and he went home in a happy mood, even if he unfortunately hadn’t found his soulmate in a fried chicken shop.

Kun had settled in comfortably in his bed, mindlessly watching cooking videos until he fell asleep when his phone started ringing, flashing Johnny’s name. Kun accepted instinctively, saying hello before he even had the chance to register that Johnny was calling him at such a late hour after his date.

“Hey,” Johnny said, his voice warm. “How’d it go?”

“The date?” Kun asked to clarify and received an affirmative grunt. Kun paused, wondering if he should lie, agonizing over the fact that he wanted to lie, that he wanted to pretend the date had gone horribly just so Johnny could comfort him. It would be a lie, though and Kun wasn’t okay with that. Before he could make a decision, Johnny hummed sympathetically.

“That bad, huh?” He asked and Kun eased, following the conversation.

“It was- interesting,” Kun said carefully. “It wasn’t bad, per say. I could work with it, I think, if I really wanted to.”

“That’s sad,” Johnny said. “I’m not saying you should fall in love at first sight but there should be some sort of spark, not ‘workable’.”

“That’s the romantic in you speaking,” Kun said with a laugh. “I don’t know if I have such high standards.”

“You should,” Johnny said, voice completely serious. “If there’s anyone who should allowed be allowed to have high standards, it’s you.”

“It would be nice if someone noticed the effort I put into my clothes,” Kun mused thoughtlessly. “But we decided to stay friends in the end and I’m not so torn up about it, to be honest. It was still a fun time.”

“What did you wear?” Johnny asked.

“Check my Instagram,” Kun replied lazily, moving to put on his earbuds so he could stop holding up the phone to his ear. There was comfortable silence as they both set about doing their own task and it was only after the earbuds were in and Kun was staring at the ceiling that he realized how domestic it was.

“Anyway,” He said loudly, seemingly startling Johnny, who inhaled sharply. “I don’t think I’ll go on date two but it’s fine. He was really nice.”

“Kun,” Johnny whined and Kun laughed in surprise.

“What?” He asked.

“You’re really hot,” Johnny replied and Kun flushed immediately, wanting to kick off the comforter he had cozily wrapped around himself.

“Yes, I’m aware,” Kun said, aiming for nonchalance and probably failing. Kun still wasn’t used to hearing things like that in Johnny’s low timber. He was forced to laugh at Johnny’s incoherent grunt of a response. “What?”

“You’re really hot and it’s unfair,” Johnny informed Kun morosely.

“How is it unfair?” Kun asked, biting his lip to keep himself from smiling too wide.

“You’re so far away,” Johnny complained. “I should have called sooner. Whisked you away immediately and told you that you look amazing.”

“Am I expected to fall into bed with you after every unsuccessful date?” Kun teased, breath hitching quietly at the implication. It felt like walking into a bad habit fully aware, like an alcoholic walking into an open bar.

“I mean, if they’re not going to tell you how hot you look,” Johnny posited, trailing off.

“And how hot do I look?” Kun asked in amusement. He was simply indulging Johnny, not particularly expecting a response.

What he didn’t expect was Johnny to groan “God, I want you to fuck me,”, causing Kun to be grateful he wasn’t holding his phone because he would have dropped it.

“I’m sorry,” Johnny said immediately, as though his previous words had slipped out impulsively. “That was inappropriate, I shouldn’t have-“

“It’s fine,” Kun interrupted. “I’m _really_ not used to that but trust me, it’s not unwelcome.”

“How do you not have people falling at your feet left and right?” Johnny asked, as though offended on Kun’s behalf.

“You’re hardly in a place to judge when you realized I was hot like a week ago,” Kun pointed out, unable to let go of the fact that _Johnny_ was one of those oblivious people.

“I always knew you were hot,” Johnny replied dismissively. “I just realized _I_ was into you last week.”

“You’re so slow,” Kun said honestly and Johnny laughed.

“I know,” Johnny said. “But hey! I got around to it and look at us now!”

Kun banged his head against his cuddling pillow three time before replying.

“Yeah,” Kun said, wishing he could say ’lmao’ out loud in real life and not die from embarrassment. “A good little thing we have going on but unfortunately, I am super tired and will not get out of bed to come to you just because I had an unsuccessful date.”

“That’s so sad,” Johnny said, tone teasing enough that it was evident that he wasn’t truly torn up about it. “What if I came to you?”

Kun was tempted. He was _so_ tempted, it made his mouth dry. But his eyes flickered to check the time and he knew he was getting drowsy. He knew he would fall asleep before Johnny made it.

“I’ll fall asleep before you get here,” Kun replied and Johnny laughed.

“Alright,” Johnny said easily. “Still. All pretense aside. You looked great.”

“Thanks,” Kun said warmly. It was odd to hear Johnny said it with that particular affliction in his voice, something so different than his usual platonic compliments but also not quite something that was said to get into Kun’s pants. It settled somewhere near domesticity and the thought made Kun shake his head. He was letting his thoughts run too amok.

“Hey, can I ask you something?” Johnny asked and Kun hummed in affirmation. “Why’re you suddenly going on these dates?”

“Because I want to date,” Kun replied in mild confusion. Why else do people go on dates?

“Yeah,” Johnny said. “But why so suddenly? You weren’t super interested in it before.”

“I don’t know, Johnny,” Kun said, slightly frustrated. Not with Johnny but rather in general, with life, with himself and his inability to process this conversation adequately. “I realized I want to be in a relationship? I’ve been thinking about it for a while now and I just got the time so – I went for it.”

“Oh,” Johnny said. “Okay.”

“Why’re you asking?” Kun asked. He knew he wouldn’t get the answer he wanted but his gut still twisted.

“I was just curious,” Johnny replied easily and Kun believed him. “It was something that I was wondering, that’s all.”

“Well, now you know,” Kun said with a small laugh he tried very hard not to make bitter. “I’m just lonely.”

“I’m sorry,” Johnny said sincerely and the honesty made Kun want to scream. “You deserve someone great and I hope you find them soon.”

It was so absurd, Kun laughed. There was silence on the other line as Kun tried to subdue his hysterics.

“Are you okay?” Concern was evident in Johnny’s voice.

“I’m fine,” Kun lied with blatant amusement in his voice. “Oh, Lord. Yes. I’m fine.”

“Okay,” Johnny seemed unconvinced.

“I’m going to sleep now,” Kun said, reaching for his phone. “I’ll see you at work soon.”

“Probably sooner,” Johnny replied and Kun agreed. Knowing their friend group, it would probably be over the weekend. They said their goodbyes and Kun hung up, burrowing into his comforter with a deep sigh. He was afraid to let his thoughts wander into unsavory places but he was saved by the notification popping up on his phone, brightening his room.

 **Ten**  
\- little birdie told me ur being weird  
\- johnny is little birdie

 **You**  
\- does johnny know you call him Little Birdie of all things

 **Ten**  
\- probably but that’s not my point  
\- how did jungwoos date go

 **You**  
\- it was ok  
\- got a friend out of it  
\- isn’t it ur turn next  
\- who do u have in mind? :P

 **Ten**  
\- i have this friend  
\- great guy  
\- exactly ur type  
\- tall n pretty eyes  
\- u may know Him

 **You**  
\- ten

 **Ten**  
\- what  
\- ur already fucking

 **You**  
\- exactly  
\- we r JUST fucking  
\- do u rly think that if johnny wanted smth more, he wouldn’t have just SAID smth

 **Ten**  
\- mhm  
\- i don’t have anyone else as of yet but  
\- i’ll see :P  
\- in the meantime we’re coming over saturday night 4 a sleep over!!

 **You**  
\- who is ‘we’

 **Ten**  
\- me n johnny n yuta  
\- oh n doyoung  
\- omg do u think him and yuta made up

 **You**  
\- i hope so >_<

 **Ten**  
\- ikr  
\- its so weird 2 have them genuinely fighting

 **You**  
\- is it wise 2 have a fighting doyoung and yuta together at a sleepover??

 **Ten**  
\- yea lol whats the worst that could happen

The worst that could happen, as Kun found out on Saturday, was Yuta and Doyoung ignoring each other while the five of them sat in Kun’s living room. They weren’t being pointedly silent, surprisingly, but with how intertwined they usually were in each other, them sitting on opposite sides of the room threw their conflicts in stark contrast whether they wanted to or not. Doyoung and Yuta were both people who held their hearts on their sleeves, which was both a weakness and a strength. They were transparent most of the time and even now, with some movie playing in the background and Johnny and Ten loudly trying to guess the plot points, it was evident that something was wrong.

Their silence was loud and their fervent glances at each other when the other wasn’t looking was distracting enough that Kun wasn’t even going Through It TM because he was sitting beside Johnny looking incredibly soft and cuddly. Ten was sitting on the floor in between Johnny’s legs, currently cursing out a character Kun had long since forgotten.

It only took tugging lightly at the cloth on Johnny’s thigh to get his attention. Kun pointed as discreetly as he could at Yuta, who was blatantly staring at Doyoung, who was frowning at the character Ten was cussing out, ready to protest on their behalf just to contradict Ten. Kun saw Johnny throw a glance at Yuta, who seemed entirely unaware that he was being watched – another indicator of something being wrong. Johnny turned his gaze back to Kun and shrugged. Kun tugged more insistently at Johnny’s cloth, wanting the man to do _something_ as the tension was becoming suffocating. Johnny put his hand over Kun’s insistent fingers and patted him comfortingly. Though probably a thoughtless gesture from Johnny’s end, it made a sudden lump rise to Kun’s throat, effectively freezing him for a moment.

The warmth didn’t stay long as not a moment later, Johnny sat up properly and stretched.

“You guys want anything from the kitchen?” Johnny asked, standing up, jostling a Ten that shot him half glare before focusing on the movie again. Doyoung shook his head and Yuta’s eyes leapt from Doyoung to Johnny, looking at him with wide eyes as though he was caught doing something he shouldn’t have done before shaking his head as well. Johnny shrugged and made his way toward the kitchen and Kun leapt up as well.

“I should – as the host –” He said, pointing towards the kitchen to deaf ears. Ten was fixated on the movie and Doyoung and Yuta were, in some inherent way, fixated on each other. No one noticed him slipping between them and making his way to his breakfast bar, where Johnny stood facing the trio in the living room, drinking from a glass of water.

“Honestly, I don’t know what’s wrong,” Johnny said in a low voice when Kun sat across from him. “Doyoung hasn’t really told me why he’s acting this way. He’s being very guarded.”

“I don’t think Yuta likes that,” Kun commented.

“Yeah – I wish they’d just talk about it,” Johnny sighed. “Should we, like, lock them in a room together?”

“That might just make them more stubborn and pissy,” Kun pointed out and Johnny nodded.

“Are they ruining the vibe of your last vacation days?” Johnny asked seriously.

“Are you going to do something about it if they are?” Kun teased, laughing slightly when Johnny nodded. “What’re you going to do?”

“I’m sure I’ll figure something out,” Johnny said sagely, looking at his targets intently. “I think if I break Doyoung, it should work out.”

“I mean,” Kun trailed off, turning to look at the couple they were talking about. Neither was looking at the other but Doyoung seemed deep in thought and Yuta looked as though he was about to nod off where he was perched, watching the screen blandly. “I don’t know if we should interfere in someone else’s relationship – what if we make it worse?”

“What if we make it better?” Johnny countered and Kun laughed.

“I’m hardly the best at romantic relationships,” Kun replied. “Clearly. So you’re on your own if you think you can do it.”

“What do you mean?” Johnny asked, head tilted slightly, a slight frown forming. “You’ve been in relationships.”

“Not for a while,” Kun said, eyes wandering as he turned thoughtful. “Maybe there’s a reason for that.”

“Yeah, it’s that you weren’t pursuing relationship,” Johnny pointed out. “Now you are!”

“I am!” Kun replied just as jovially. “I hate it!”

“Why?” Johnny asked with a laugh. “Dating is fun.”

“Yeah – sure,” Kun said, shrugging. “It’s just – yeah, it’s fine.”

“Clearly not,” Johnny said. “What’s the issue?”

“Yeah, what’s the issue, you traitors?” Ten’s voice asked and Kun startled to see Ten plop down beside him. “Hey, Kun, do you have a sword?”

“I have kitchen knives?” Kun replied wearily.

“Boring, those aren’t swords,” Ten shot back but his gaze had wandered to Kun’s knife block. Johnny shifted, blocking his view.

“Why do you want a sword?” Johnny asked.

“Hendery has a sword,” Ten muttered before looking back at  Yuta and Doyoung. Yuta seemed to have nodded off and Doyoung was sitting awkwardly across him, interchanging between looking at Yuta and looking mock nonchalantly at his phone. “I wanted to challenge Doyoung to a duel.”

“Why?” Johnny asked cautiously while Kun rolled his eyes at Ten’s dramatics.

“So he can square up – this is getting annoying to endure,” Ten muttered. “Anyway, what’s the issue?”

“None of your business,” Kun shot back, not particularly wanting to delve into the thought process he was going to with Johnny. It was easy, with Johnny, to let things that were buried deeper to come to the surface effortlessly. But his ideas about relationships and why weren’t working out was still something he was processing and he didn’t want to put it under Ten’s scrutinizing gaze yet.

“Tell me,” Ten wheedled, turning pouty at the prospect of having things hidden from him.

“Let it go, Ten,” Kun replied, keeping his voice lighthearted enough that it didn’t actually hurt Ten’s feelings. Ten huffed and turned his puppy eyes to Johnny instead, who looked back in amusement as Ten pouted exaggeratingly.

“Johnny,” Ten whined. “Tell me. This is so unfair! You can’t keep secrets in sleepovers! It’s against the rules.”

“We were just talking about dumb and dumber over there,” Johnny said easily, nodding his head towards the two in the living room, thankfully skipping the bit they talked about after that. “Whether we should intervene?”

“Lock them in a room together?” Ten asked brightly. Kun shook his head, laughing at how Johnny had suggested the same thing.

“Let’s not,” Kun said reasonably. “It’s not like anyone of us is in a relationship to be capable to preaching to those two right now.”

“Just because we’re not _currently_ in a relationship doesn’t mean we can’t _guide_ – wait, what do you mean any of us aren’t in a relationship?” Ten asked, tilting his head. Kun looked back in confusion.

“Are you in a relationship?” Kun asked.

“No,” Ten huffed but he pulled back and looked at Kun and Johnny, wagging his finger between them. “You two have something going on, though.”

Kun, unwittingly, froze. There was no reason to, he’d been honest about his relationship and so, probably, had Johnny. Ten was their best friend so it was likely either of them were keeping it from Ten but there was a difference between them individually talking about it to their friends and having Ten acknowledge _something_ between them openly.

“We’re not _together_ ,” Johnny said with a small laugh. “Not like that.”

Kun turned away, nodding and tuning out whatever Johnny was going to say next to minimize the hurt. Instead, he turned his attention to Doyoung and Yuta. Doyoung had gotten up from his seat and was clutching blanket, hovering in front of a napping Yuta, looking down hesitantly as though he was unsure to go forward.

Johnny and Ten’s conversation turned into background noise as Kun watched Doyoung place the blanket over Yuta and kneel down slowly, carefully tucking the fabric around Yuta’s body, treading lightly enough not to wake him. While Doyoung’s head was turned down to take off Yuta’s socks, Kun could see Yuta stirring, shifting his head and watching Doyoung silently. It would be amusing, were it not for the look of blatant adoration on Yuta’s face.

“Kun?” Johnny’s voice pulled him away from his observations and he turned to see both Ten and Johnny looking at him expectantly. He shushed them and pointed at the couple who still hadn’t noticed they were being observed.

“Oh, my God,” Ten whispered, letting out a long-suffering exhale. “I’m so tired of this k-drama shit.”

“Be quiet,” Kun shot back in an equally low voice, watching the moment unfold with something aching thumping against his heart. Perhaps he was more masochistic than he thought, as he couldn’t tear his eyes away from the tender moment that he longed for in a way.

He knew Doyoung saw Yuta looking at him because he saw his posture freeze, before toppling with a startle, eliciting a laugh of Yuta.

“Idiots,” Johnny said with a fond laugh, loud enough that Doyoung and Yuta became aware they were being watched.

“Did kitty have a nice nap?” Ten asked mock sweetly and Yuta scrunched his face back at him, sitting up and stretching, the blanket Doyoung had draped on him nearly slipping off. Doyoung still sat on the floor in front of him.

“What happened to the movie?” Yuta asked instead, looking at the paused screen.

“It’s no fun if I have no one to insult it with,” Ten shrugged.

“Should we sleep?” Doyoung asked, frowning, sneaking a glance at Yuta, who was still blearily looking at them, exhaustion still evident in his posture.

“Yeah,” Johnny replied. “We can set up our beds.”

“I’m sleeping with Kun!” Ten announced immediately, attaching himself to Kun’s side. Kun resisted the urge to make the joke about how he was the one sleeping with Johnny, only because it would bring up things he didn’t want to talk about.

Setting up the sleeping space took longer than necessary with the five of them all to easily getting sidelined and distracted but they managed to move the coffee table from the center of the room and set up the mattresses and sheets at some point. The tension between Doyoung and Yuta had eased up a little and by the time Kun made it back to his own room, he was hopeful they would work things out soon.

“Ah, I love being your favorite,” Ten said, falling onto Kun’s bed with a content sigh as he hit the soft pillows.

“You’re not my favorite,” Kun pointed out, more out of habit than honesty.

“Yes, I am,” Ten insisted smugly, starfishing across the bed.

“No –” Kun said, shoving Ten to the side and climbing on his side. “Did you have to bring up our relationship earlier?”

“Yeah,” Ten replied. “I think you should just talk about it.”

“Well,” Kun said through gritted teeth. “You heard him. We’re not together like that.”

“That’s what he _thinks_ ,” Ten insisted, turning to Kun and looking at him intently, his face serious. “If you breach the subject of going for something romantic, I think he’d consider it.”

“And say what, exactly?” Kun asked, sarcasm leaking into his voice. “‘Hey, Johnny, I know we’re fuck buddies but I’ve actually been in love with you for a long time now haha’?”

“We can workshop that a little,” Ten said. “Take out the ‘haha’, its awkward –”

“I’m not doing it, Ten,” Kun cut him off quickly and Ten sighed.

“Why not?” Ten asked but Kun didn’t reply, already having given him an answer to that multiple times. Instead, he turned over and switched off his lamp, throwing the room into darkness. It wasn’t long until Kun felt Ten’s warmth sidle up against him as Ten wrapped himself around Kun and he smiled to himself.

It took him being awoken by the door opening to even realize he had dozed off. He pried his eyes open groggily, unable to make out the figure that had closed the door behind them.

“Hey,” Johnny’s voice came and Kun relaxed the part of himself he hadn’t even realized had seized up. “Doyoung and Yuta are being gross, can I sleep here?”

“Yeah,” Kun said, forcing himself to become more aware of his surroundings. Ten and himself had ended up scooted against Kun’s side of the bed and while the space left over wasn’t much, Johnny would fit. Kun reached to switch on his lap and hissed at the light.

“It’s okay, you can switch it off, I can see now,” Johnny reassured hurriedly and Kun did just that, sighing in relief at the darkness. He felt the sheets shift as Johnny climbed on the bed and got settled.

“Did Yuta and Doyoung make up?” Kun asked sleepily.

“They’re making _out_ , so I hope so,” Johnny replied grumpily. “They woke me up with their – antics.”

Kun let out a small laugh, feeling sleep slowly claiming him once again.

“I hope they do,” Kun mumbled. “They’re so happy together. So good together. Sad if they don’t. Love isn’t real.”

“Go to sleep,” Johnny urged and Kun slipped into unconsciousness soon after.

The next time Kun woke up was to Ten’s whining. Kun didn’t even bother opening his eyes, just shifting away from the sound but the words still made it his ears.

“Move in,” Ten was whining. “It’s warm between you two, I wanna sleep on the side.”

A beat of silence, then more whining in a higher pitch.

“Johnny, _move_ ,” Ten complained. Kun heard a huff and an unintelligible grumble before Johnny pressed against his back, muttering half-asleep curse words at Ten. Ten continued, “Why are you cursing _me_ out?”

“God, Ten, shut up,” Kun groaned in complaint. Familiar arms circled him, calming him down from his sudden agitation, patting him in a soothing rhythm that had Kun falling back sleep as he heard Ten whispered apologies.

Finally, Kun awoke not by sudden sounds or movement but rather by himself as he had become used to doing so during his vacation. He felt warm and moved to kick his blanket off only to realize his blanket was a _person_ and they were currently in pain.

“I’m sorry,” Kun said in panic at the noise Johnny let out. “I forgot you were here.”

“It’s okay,” Johnny said, his voice husky from sleep and Kun felt worse, realizing he had woken him up with a kick. “It’s okay.”

Instead of moving away, Johnny buried himself further into Kun’s side, his face pressed against Kun’s neck, his breathing evening out again. Kun looked around and realized Ten was no longer in bed with them and momentarily worried what shenanigans he was getting up to.

Looking down at Johnny, Kun felt the strongest urge to run his fingers through his hair – and why deprive himself? He smiled when Johnny sighed contently into the touch as he threaded his fingers through the soft locks. Continuing his playful exploration, Kun’s mind unwittingly went to Ten’s words. As he looked down at Johnny’s serene profile, the fear was palpable in his chest and he swallowed it down, assuring himself it would never come to the point where he could lose Johnny. He wouldn’t allow it to.

“Are you okay?” Johnny asked softly and Kun’s eyes focused on the man looked up at him in concern. “You started breathing really fast.”

Kun hummed noncommittally, reaching forward instinctively to brush Johnny’s hair out of his eyes, letting his fingers linger. He hoped his expression didn’t betray the lovesick stuttering of his heart, flushing when Johnny’s eyes fell to Kun’s lips. He licked them and saw Johnny’s gaze follow the gesture. Suddenly very much awake, he felt Johnny shift, leaning up until they were so close, Kun had to close his eyes.

The kiss was tender, gentler than Kun was expected yet somehow exactly what he needed. He sighed into the press of lips, opening his mouth but before he could fall into the sensation, the door burst open, rattling against the door, causing them to break apart.

“Oops –” Ten said from the door with a sly grin, not looking the least bit apologetic. “Am I interrupting something?”

“Yes,” Johnny shot back, irritated, and Ten laughed.

“I have a deposit on this apartment, you know,” Kun added, looking worriedly at the wall behind the door.

“Sorry,” Ten replied sheepishly, this time actually seeming like he was sorry, peeking behind the door to ensure no damage had been done. “I was just coming to wake you because Yuta’s attempting to make breakfast and Doyoung’s enabling him because they made up and I would like to eat something that’s not charred or undercooked.”

“I’m coming,” Kun groaned, stretching and shaking himself awake to avert disaster. Johnny shifted away from him and Kun was already beginning to mourn the loss. Still, he thought as he sat up, forcing himself out of the mood he had been settling into with Johnny, it was better than a real loss. Paper cut pains like these would always be better than a real loss.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this took longer than necessary considering the chapter was 70% done by the time i uploaded chp1 but - here it is now! let me know ur thoughts and you can come to me on twitter @nyankamoto and [my curiouscat](http://curiouscat.me/nyankamoto) too! :3


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> god, i did not realize how many words 14k actually were until writing this chapter. this is not beta'd or editted too much, since my brain is so fried with this story at this point, I don't think i can bear to read it again.

It was hard to wake up early for his first day back to work but it wasn’t as hard as it could be. His regulated sleeping schedule helped and once he’d rubbed the sleepiness out of his eye, he was genuinely excited to start his day and go back to his routine.

He was out the door in time, treating himself to his favourite coffee and sandwich on the way to work; something he’d been looking forward to. It was the kind of thing he couldn’t eat on a whim – it had to be done in a routine, at a specific time. He finally checked the notifications that had piled up overnight as he waited in line.

**Ten**

\- kunnie’s going back 2 werkk <3333

\- have fun on ur First Day

\- did u pack a lunch

Kun had  _ not _ packed a lunch so he wrinkled his nose at his phone as he typed out a response.

**You**

\- u r so fucking annoying

\- back 2 work, less time to spend w/ u :P

**Ten**

\- im so sorry 4 ur loss

Kun rolled his eyes at himself and didn’t even bother responding, going back to listening to music and patiently waiting for his meal. Soon enough, he was biting into the sandwich and repressing a pleased moan. It was  _ exactly _ what Kun had wanted it to be. 

The day was starting out well. 

Kun was practically buzzing with excitement by the time he walked into the floor of their offices and set his stuff down on his table. Wonwoo looked up from his desk nearby and grinned at him.

“Hey!” Wonwoo seemed genuinely happy to see him and it warmed Kun up. “You’re back!”

“I am,” Kun smiled back, sitting on his chair. 

“How’ve you been?” Wonwoo asked. “How was your vacation?”

“It was great but I’m glad to be back,” Kun replied honestly. “Is Chaeyoung in?”

“Not yet,” Wonwoo’s eyes flickered at the time and Kun followed suit and laughed to himself. They were both early. “Can you help me out with this before she gets here, though?”

Kun was more than happy to. He got so caught up with Wonwoo and the script that he didn’t even notice that the office had filled up until he heard Jaehyun whoop out his name.

“Kun!” Kun’s head snapped up and he saw Jaehyun bounding over to them, his brown hair bouncing in a way that reminded Kun was TikTok’s of dogs running towards the camera in slow motion. “I missed you!”

“Don’t you guys hang out all the time?” Wonwoo said drily from beside Kun and Jaehyun wrinkled his nose at the other man. “You’d think you haven’t seen Kun in months.”

“And?” Jaehyun demanded, coming to stand behind Kun’s chair and wrapping his arms around his shoulder. “Is that our script?”

“No,” Wonwoo rolled his eyes at Jaehyun’s antics. “You’re not the only show on our network, you know.” He turned to Kun. “Chaeyoung’s probably in her office now.”

Kun nodded and wheeled his chair back towards his own desk, Jaehyun falling into step with him behind him. 

“Is there something you need, Jaehyun-ah?” Kun asked as he closed his laptop and fixed his word space a little. He opened his notebook and went over everything he wanted to discuss with his boss. 

“Just basking in your presence,” Jaehyun said happily. “Gotta get my one on one Kun time in before Johnny finishes parking and comes up and steals your attention away.”

“It’s not like that,” Kun said even as he turned red. “We have one on one time!”

“I know, I just wanted to tease you,” Jaehyun giggled, placing his chip on Kun’s head. Kun allowed it, jotting down something he had failed to add to his list. “Where can I take Sicheng to make it evident it’s a date?”

“Anywhere as long as you  _ say _ it’s a date,” Kun replied absentmindedly.

“But what if I don’t wanna  _ say _ it?” Jaehyun whined. Kun rolled his eyes and moved to get up. Jaehyun quickly hopped out of the way before he got his toes run over by the chair. 

“Stop being a coward and say it,” Kun said firmly before softening. “It’ll go well, I promise.”

Kun patted Jaehyun’s arm and went to Chaeyoung’s office, leaving Jaehyun to think over his words. 

Time flew by in Chaeyoung’s office as they talked, mainly about work but they did go off on personal tangents when Chaeyoung asked how his vacation went and her smug smile when he admitted it went well and it was much needed. They went over his tasks for the following week and she spoke about a new potential show. It was time for lunch by the Kun was bowing and leaving the office with a full plate of duties. 

He really was happy to be back. 

It only took a few days for him to fall back into familiar rhythms, back to waking up easily and running through his routine mindlessly. He still had meals with his friends and he enjoyed the workload, not quite having reached the point of stressing out -  _ yet _ .

But the vacation  _ had  _ happened - more importantly, during the vacation, something  _ had _ happened between Johnny and himself and it wasn’t something he could pretend didn’t exist. Not when Johnny winked at him and teased him more shamelessly than before. Kun didn’t  _ want _ to pretend otherwise but he was also a bit hesitant, a bit unsure on how to navigate this shift since it was different now that they were in the office together and worked together. 

It helped that Johnny and Kun weren’t the same departments and their hours varied so he wasn’t as much of an ever-present presence as, say, someone like Wonwoo was. Kun didn’t know if that was a good or bad thing. Good, because Johnny was even more distracting than he had been now that Kun knew he could do some of the things that flitted through his mind and Kun would never get any work done. Bad, because - well. He liked being around Johnny and having gone back to work, he  _ missed _ him just a little bit.

It was a little over two weeks since Kun had been back to work that he realized that maybe Johnny had missed him just as much.

Kun’s back hit the door, slamming it shut. Johnny attached himself to Kun’s neck instantly, licking stripes that he could feel made Johnny rumble out soft moans.

“This is disgusting,” Kun muttered, for the sake of complaining. “I can’t believe I’m doing this.”

“Hey,” Johnny rationalized breathlessly. “It’s clean, at least?”

They were on the fifth floor bathrooms, the one no one particularly visited because something or the other was going wrong in the stall. It  _ was _ clean, at least what part of it Kun had seen. It simply was not functioning and as such, was empty. Even though a stall or two probably worked, since it had gained such a notorious reputation for illicit activities, it was unlikely anyone would use it for its actual intended use.

Johnny distracted Kun by his kissing him, pressing his lips roughly enough to pull out a moan from Kun. With Johnny’s hands wandering, ghosting over the hardening tent in front of his pants, Kun felt dizzy with want as Johnny insufferably took his time.

“Get down,” Kun huffed, grabbing Johnny the shoulder and pushing. Johnny complied easily, looking up at Kun with his playful brown eyes as he fell to his knees, licking his lips. Kun’s mouth went dry at the sight. “Fuck.”

“That’s a bit too ambitious,” Johnny said with a shit eating grin. Any retort Kun might have had escaped him when Johnny undid Kun’s belt and jeans buttons without preamble. The clattering of the belt against the floor as Johnny pushed his jeans down made him wince.

Johnny put his mouth over the head of Kun’s dick before any anxiety could form in Kun’s gut, forcing Kun to lean back against the stall door.

It was slow and torturous, Johnny’s curious exploration turning Kun’s mind hazy. It took every conscious will power he had to not fuck into Johnny’s mouth as he wrapped his mouth halfway through Kun’s dick before pulling out, pre-come and saliva mixing together to create a thread that connected them even when Johnny pulled away.

Kun’s groan echoed around him as Johnny went down on him again, less curious experimentation and more gusto, hollowing out his cheeks and sucking. The sensation, the sight and the sounds were overwhelming and it was hard to stay standing.

“Johnny,” Kun grunted out. His hands had found its way to Johnny’s hair, threading into it and tugging until Johnny pulled away with wet, needy eyes.

“What?” The fucked out quality of Johnny’s voice went straight to Kun’s dick, making it painfully hard. Kun twisted Johnny’ hair, making his look up at him properly. Johnny sighed at the twinge almost in relief, grinning.

“You want me to come in your mouth?” Kun asked, watching as Johnny’s eyes got impossibly wider with want. An enthusiastic nod was all Kun needed before he was pushing Johnny’s face back against his cock, letting his own as fall back as Johnny returned to his task.

It had less finesse, Johnny letting Kun mouth fuck him as Kun’s hips unwittingly jerked forward as his hand on Johnny’s hair guided him. Kun would try to control himself if it wasn’t for the pleasure on Johnny’s face, the happy moans when Kun’s cock hit the back of Johnny’s throat.

Kun taking control of the pace meant Johnny could reach his hands down to his own dick and when Kun looked down at him, he saw Johnny’s hazy, fucked out eyes as he got his mouth fucked while he was fisting himself roughly.

“You’re so good, baby,” Kun said hoarsely and Johnny’s eyes fluttered shut at the endearment as his mouth went slacker, his attention going entirely to bringing himself off. Kun didn’t mind, the thought of Johnny getting off on his voice was incredibly hot. “You like being called baby?”

Johnny moaned wantonly in affirmation, attempting to bob his head around Kun’s dick but getting too caught up in chasing his own pleasure.

“It’s okay, baby,” Kun cooed, patting Johnny’s hair. Johnny keened, fucking more desperately into his fist. “Look at you, all needy. It’s a treat to look at.”

Johnny was shaking and Kun watched as he tried to pace himself, tried to go back to sucking Kun off but Kun held his head firmly in place, tugging at his hair until he stopped and looked up at Kun.

“Let me fuck your mouth,” Kun said, letting his voice get a little hard so that Johnny immediately stopped his attempts. “Bring yourself over the edge with my dick in your mouth, baby, I want to see.”

The vibrations of Johnny’s continuous moaning and whining as he fucked into his hand while Kun gagged him with his dick made the coil in Kun’s gut tighten impossibly. He knew he was close and from the way that Johnny was whining, chasing his high with single minded precision as his hips bucked into his hand, Johnny was close too.

Kun pulled out of the warmth that was Johnny’s mouth, immediately putting his own hands on himself and jerking himself off without much regard for finesse, coming over Johnny’s face as his orgasm took over him, almost making him double over with its intensity. He was aware that the air was filled with his own harsh breathing and grunts and Johnny’s whines but he didn’t care, giving himself over to the sensation until he came out, pulling his hand away from his dick and from the vice grip it had on Johnny’s hair.

Kun looked down in his hazy flush to see Johnny looking up at him fondly, Kun’s come streaking across his face and landing on his forehead and cheeks. Kun’s hand reached down, picking up some come on his fingers. He watched Johnny’s eyes track his fingers and he couldn’t help it, couldn’t help but insert the fingers between Johnny’s bruised lip, letting him have a taste.

Johnny’s tongue around his digits made his breathing hitch and he pulled his hand away. Johnny was still fucking his leaking dick into his hand, slowly now, as though he was savouring the moment.

It took only a moments thought for Kun to lean in front of Johnny. Johnny stilled as Kun pulled him close, removing Johnny’s hand and replacing it with his own, stroking Johnny’s painfully hard and wet dick slowly. Johnny’s forehead fell against Kun’s shoulder and Johnny nuzzled Kun’s neck, muffling his moans and cries into the nook of Kun’s neck as Kun picked up his pace.

“You were so good,” Kun whispered softly. “You deserve this, come on, baby. Let me see you come undone.”

Johnny whined pathetically, fucking into Kun’s hand, his grip that had found its way to Kun’s arm tightening.

“Please,” Kun cajoled and that was enough, not even Johnny pressing his mouth against Kun’s skin muffling his deep grunts and groans as he emptied himself between them, as Kun stroked him through his orgasm until Johnny whined in overstimulation. Though his hand moved away, Kun didn’t move himself away from Johnny, letting the older clutch him as he came down from his high and tried to steady his breathing, running his fingers soothingly through the locks he had pulled at earlier.

It was almost natural to Kun, to see how much Johnny needed aftercare, that Johnny needed to be dealt with kindly and softly in such vulnerable moments.

“Okay,” Johnny said once he’d regained his senses. “Maybe this is a little disgusting.”

Kun let out a small laugh and looked down at himself, quickly starting to clean up with the toilet paper nearby. He was quick with himself, zipping up and looking semi-put together before turning his attention to Johnny, who was admittedly dirtier considering that Kun had - well. 

Kun was glad Johnny let him wipe at him meticulously, buttoning up and smoothing wrinkles and - Johnny finally caught hold of Kun’s wrist when he wouldn’t stop rubbing at a stubborn spot on his shoulder.

“Sorry,” Kun said, smiling sheepishly. 

“Let’s get up, my knees hurt,” Johnny said, mirth evident in his voice. Kun winced as he got up, realizing his own knees were sort of aching as well. Kun barely had time to feel nervous about opening the stall door before Johnny did it and went out towards the sinks to wash his face. Kun looked around - there really was no one there.

Kun knew he should leave, that waiting for Johnny was a bit ridiculous since if they were seen coming out of the washroom together, it would be evident what had gone on. But Kun couldn’t get his legs to move and instead, he stayed, watching Johnny wash up. There was something fascinating about it, watching Johnny pull himself together until it looked like he hadn’t been down on his knees only minutes earlier. It should make Kun glad, glad that their activities weren’t outwardly evident but instead, it made the corners of his mouth tug towards. 

“You want me to leave first?” Johnny asked finally as he wiped his hands a final time and threw away the tissues. When Kun didn’t respond, Johnny stepped forward with a small frown. “Kun?”

“Come home with me,” Kun blurted out and Johnny blinked at him. Kun wanted to hit himself - God, he probably sounded so horny. But he supposed it was better than sounding desperately in love.

“We have a recording for an advertisement in, like, half an hour,” Johnny said and Kun immediately wanted to disintegrate. Of course. They were still at  _ work _ . They had to go back to work. Even though it was late, the day wasn’t over yet for either of them. They weren’t at a bar or some shit.

“Right,” Kun felt awkward, unsure how to continue. He had half a mind to just turn on his heels and power walk out and hide himself in another bathroom stall for a while. But he wouldn’t do that - it would just make the air awkward and weird and that was the last thing he wanted so -

“You can come with,” Johnny offered and Kun froze. “It won’t take very long and we can grab dinner afterwards.”

“I don’t want to intrude,” Kun rushed to say. His initial invitation had been a spur of the moment thing where he hadn’t been able to get his mouth to shut up. “I have work to do as well. I just - it slipped out. Maybe some other time?”

“You’re not intruding,” Johnny’s smile was soft and familiar and it immediately put Kun at ease. “It’s past working hours anyway. Come on, I wanna have dinner together.”

Kun couldn’t say no. He didn’t want to but he couldn’t even if he wanted to and before he knew it, he was sliding into the passenger seat of Johnny’s car. Jaehyun and the managers had taken another car so Johnny and Kun were alone for the half hour drive. 

It wasn’t awkward, it never was. Johnny played music at a low enough volume that they could converse if they wanted to. They spoke a little but most of the ride drifted by in comfortable silence, cut only by Kun contemplating whether he could hold the hand Johnny had loosely holding the gear. He couldn’t, of course. But that didn’t stop his eyes from occasionally wandering to it, didn’t stop his hands from twitching with irrational want. 

It was true that Kun didn’t feel as though he was intruding. He was, after all, part of the staff and he hung back with the managers while Jaehyun and Johnny did their takes, laughing alongside them when the two hosts messed up. The advertisement was corny and the lines had most of the staff trying desperately to repress their laughter for fear of offending the company. Kun had had half a mind to take out a draft they’d been working on and work on it while Johnny worked but it was far too easy to sit back and watch Johnny instead. 

Occasionally, Johnny caught his eye and the mirth in them was evident even from beyond the glass that separated the recording room from the production team. It was only when Jaehyun came to sit beside him that Kun’s attention wavered from Johnny. 

“You’re going to dinner with hyung?” Jaehyun asked, nodding towards Johnny to indicate which hyung he was talking about. Kun hummed and nodded. 

“Would you like to join us?” He asked. He didn’t want to admit he was a little relieved when Jaehyun shook his head.

“I’m going to watch a movie at Yuta’s,” Jaehyun asked. He played with the strings of his hoodie and Kun looked at him, waiting for the rest of the sentence that Jaehyun had swallowed in his nervousness. 

“He and Doyoung made up, right?” Kun said. “What are you nervous about?”

“Yeah, they did,” Jaehyun said with a small laugh. Doyoung and Yuta had clicked back into place seamlessly, as though they had never been at odds. A part of Kun wanted to know what their disagreement had been about, morbidly curious to know what had caused fission between two people who loved and understood each other so completely. He never asked, though. He knew it was none of his business.

“Then what is it?” Kun asked softly. 

“You know that thing I asked you the other day? When you came back?” Jaehyun asked and Kun scoured his mind before remembering and nodding. “Well, I invited Sicheng to the movie night.”

“Okay,” Kun said slowly. 

“I still haven’t called it a date,” Jaehyun muttered, his fingers growing more agitated. Kun wrapped his hand around them before they unfurled the threads on the strings. Jaehyun looked up at him and Kun saw a familiar look in his eyes; fear. Of being hurt, of being rejected. Kun thought it was ridiculous, Sicheng had made it abundantly clear that he would be down to date Jaehyun but he could so deeply empathize with the ridiculousness. It  _ was _ hard and scary. 

Kun wanted to say  _ trust me _ . He wanted to assure Jaehyun, tell him to go for it, share with him his absolute confidence that everything would work out if only Jaehyun could muster up the courage to take the first step. But, even as his thumb brushed Jaehyun’s hand soothingly, his eyes wandered to Johnny and he couldn’t help but feel like the words would fall from hypocritical lips.

Kun knew his and Jaehyun’s situation was nothing alike. Kun knew that Sicheng adored Jaehyun, that the two were dancing around each other, flirting and blushing and getting flustered, knew that all of it accumulated to a shared love, something that was reciprocated. It wasn’t like his and Johnny deal, their friends with benefits agreement. There would be no reciprocation, at least not the kind Kun wanted. 

“Sicheng already knows,” Kun turned to see Jaehyun’s eyes going wide. “He’s really observant, you know? And you’re not entirely subtle. He just waiting for you to actually say it.”

Jaehyun groaned, leaning against Kun and wiggling out his emotions. A manager looked over in concern but Kun waved it off with a smile, patting Jaehyun as best he could. 

“Ya, you’re in public,” The manager said, exasperated. 

“There aren’t any cameras around,” Jaehyun’s voice was pouty. He looked up with imploring eyes. “Manager-nim, what do  _ you _ think I should do?”

The manager gave Jaehyun a deadpan look. 

“Giving you romantic advice is not in my job description,” She said, not unkindly. “What  _ is _ in my job description is making sure you behave.”

“I’m behaving,” Jaehyun said just as he threw a leg over Kun’s lap, cuddling closer. “Is being a flaming homosexual bad for my image?”

The manager looked unimpressed and instead looked at Kun, who nodded indulgently at her unsaid request, patting Jaehyun one last time before shrugging him off him. 

“Stop being difficult just because you have unresolved issues with Sicheng,” Kun said because the manager couldn’t. “Go whine about your love life on Doyoung and Yuta’s couch.”

“But Sicheng will be there,” Jaehyun sighed, already sitting up straighter. 

“All the better,” Kun teased. Jaehyun didn’t have time to retaliate as Johnny finally ducked out of the recording studio. It was another twenty minutes of small talk and finishing up business matters but soon enough, they were in the underground parking and going their separate ways. 

The staff whisked Jaehyun off, looking forward to dropping him off at Yuta’s place before he could continue his melancholic monologue about love.

“So, where are we going?” Kun asked as he put on his seat belt. 

“Are you craving anything in particular?” Johnny asked. Kun thought about it and shook his head. He already had plans to have hotpot with Xiaojun and Sicheng the same week. “Burgers sound good?”

Kun nodded, settling in as Johnny swerved them out of the parking. The silence was comfortable but Kun couldn’t help himself; he started talking. It started with a random observation about a storefront they passed that he knew had really bad Chinese food and naturally, Johnny being the conversationalist he was, it spiralled into different topics, even as they reached the restaurant. 

There wasn’t anything new or special - after all, how many times had they had food together and simply talked about anything and everything they could? But Kun still felt  _ something _ , something steady and grounding but with a hint of desperation at not wanting the night, this feeling, to end. Kun knew what it was, the exhilaration of  _ having this _ coupled with the fear of losing it. The knowledge of the inevitability of reality hitting him was buzzing under it all.

But maybe, just for tonight, he could ignore it. He could pretend - pretend this was real, that his feelings were reciprocated, let himself fly high on this moment. He knew, the higher he flew, the worse the crash would be but with Johnny’s laughter a siren’s call, Kun chose to accept his fate and allow himself this, if only for a sliver of time. 

They ended up back at his place, Kun not even needing to ask since the night began with his blurted out request. It didn’t take long, once behind closed doors, for their playful banter to turn into lazy making out. 

There was something to be said, Kun thought as he licked into Johnny’s mouth, about straddling Johnny Suh on his couch, kissing him with no end goal in mind. There was no urgency, no ulterior motive to the way Johnny’s hands played around Kun’s waist, under his shirt but not going beyond. They kissed until their lips were bruised and they were breathless, until Kun’s thoughts didn’t go much beyond them on the too small couch. The rest of the world, for all Kun cared, could have not existed at all. 

Even as they pulled apart, Kun saw that Johnny’s eyes were still closed, his breathing even. He had been kissing back only moments earlier so he couldn’t be asleep but Kun couldn’t stop himself from teasing.

“Ah, are you sleepy?” Kun gasped, mock scandalized. “Am I boring you?”

A smile played on Johnny’s lips as his eyes fluttered open.

“Well?” Kun asked when there was no response, only Johnny looking fondly up at him. 

“Of course you’re not boring me,” Johnny said, his voice husky from disuse. He spoke softly, his touch delicate as his hand came up to brush the hair out of Kun’s eyes. Kun’s breath caught in his throat and it took his heart thumping for him to remember to swallow and  _ breathe _ . Even though he had started the teasing, he was left speechless as Johnny’s hand trailed down his face, cradling his jaw. 

Kun couldn’t decipher the look in Johnny’s eyes as his face grew serious but his grip on Kun didn’t falter. Kun was trapped, both by the weight of Johnny’s hands and the complicated intensity of his stare.

“What’re you thinking about?” Kun’s voice was a whisper, for only that felt appropriate. 

“You,” Johnny said after a brief moment. Kun flushed at the singular word, though he wasn’t sure why. There had been no heavy intent behind them, no playful smirk - it had only been simple and honest. Too honest, in fact, making something frantic claw its way up Kun’s gut.  _ It’s not the same _ , the pessimistic voice told him.  _ It’s not the same way you feel _ .

Kun silenced the voice the only way he knew how; he leaned back in, pressing his lips against Johnny’s. He had meant to be demanding but it came off tentative instead. But it only took a beat for Johnny to catch up, to kiss back with enough conviction that Kun fell headfirst into the feeling, sighing as Johnny’s arms wrapped around his waist, pressing them closer together. The kiss was all consuming, Johnny pulling away for only enough time to allow them a breath before going back in, shifting under Kun. 

“Your couch is too small,” Johnny said when they pulled apart breathlessly, Kun’s mind blissfully only focusing on the glisten of Johnny’s lips and the presence of his body under his own. “We need to get a new one.”

“Okay,” Kun said, startling with Johnny started to sit up, pulling back until they were both sitting upright, Kun still on Johnny’s lap. Kun’s arms relaxed as they wrapped themselves around Johnny’s neck, no longer tasked with holding Kun up. “I’m waiting for a sale.”

“I need to come with,” Johnny told him as he ducked his head, pressing a kiss under Kun’s ear. Kun’s head tilted back instinctually, his breathing getting thinner as Johnny’s teeth scraped against sensitive skin. “They need to fit me.”

Kun hummed in affirmation, the sound quickly turning into a moan when Johnny caught him between his teeth and sucked. Meanwhile, Johnny’s hands wandered with more intent, fingers pulling at and playing with the bands of Kun’s underwear. Kun couldn’t be blamed for the hardness growing between them, not when Johnny was using his hand and mouth for this exact result.

Kun hadn’t realized how hard he had gotten until his hips ground against Johnny, eliciting a surprised gasp from himself. Johnny hummed, his hands on Kun’s hips guiding them to move. 

“We should go to the bedroom,” Kun said, his voice close to breaking. 

“Why?” It wasn’t that Johnny was entirely put together but he wasn’t as affected as Kun was and he seemed to know it, a smirk making his way onto his lips. “I like this.”

“I-” Any protest Kun had died on his lips with a stutter as Johnny lifted his thigh up, building the friction. 

“You look good like this,” Johnny said, fingers trailing down to the buttons on Kun’s shirt. Only the first few were undone but Johnny’s fingers made no attempt at undressing him, which was frustrating. Kun reached down to pull his shirt over his head but Johnny’s fingers moved swiftly, wrapping themselves around Kun’s wrists and keeping them still. When Kun raised his eyebrows, Johnny grinned. “I like you like this.”

“You’ll like me better undressed,” Kun replied with a small laugh.

“I like you either way,” Johnny said, his tone softer than the situation warranted. Kun looked down at the inexplicable look in Johnny’s eyes before it cleared, turning playful and bright as Johnny moved Kun’s hips, making him grind against Johnny’s thigh and gasp. “I wonder if you could come like this.”

“Good lord,” Blood rushed to Kun’s face. “We’re not teenagers, for fuck’s sake.”

Johnny only hummed in response before leaning in, pressing his lips against Kun’s neck, over a mark he had already made. The scraping of teeth over sensitive skin made Kun move involuntarily, his hips stuttering forward. The smile against his skin told him Johnny liked his reaction, as did the continued assault on his neck

It would be embarrassing to come undone, fully clothed, grinding against someone’s thigh. Sure, it was alluring in a juvenile, dirty way but he was an  _ adult _ , God dam- Kun’s thoughts scattered as his body deviated from his mind and followed Johnny’s guiding hands.

“You look so good like this,” Johnny said and Kun looked down at him through hooded eyes, breathing heavily. Johnny was biting his lip, his hand still wandering under Kun’s shirt without taking it off. Kun swallowed before rolling his eyes. If Johnny wanted this, he might as well put on a show.

He purposefully ground against Johnny, allowing the noise to fall from his lips unfiltered. It was fun to see Johnny’s eyes widen, his grip on Kun tightening. Kun was already hard and the way Johnny was looking at him wasn’t helping matters. It didn’t take long for any residual embarrassment to fall away as Kun started to move in earnest as the feeling in his gut started to build. 

It was frustrating; he was constrained and the friction was a slow and steady burn, dependent on Kun’s movements. Kun had half a mind to stop and just  _ take it off _ but one look at the way Johnny was looking at him with reverence changed his mind. 

“This is the least efficient way to get off,” Kun grunted out.

“It’s so hot, though,” Johnny blurted out, eliciting a small laugh from Kun. “You don’t understand how you _ look _ .”

“You just don’t want to do the work,” Kun teased. Johnny pushed up his thigh in response just as Kun was grinding down and Kun’s body lit up, chasing the feeling again. He felt embarrassed by the noises that came out of him so he tugged Johnny closer and cover his lips with his own. Johnny dutifully swallowed all of Kun’s increasingly needy and frantic noises as he moved in tandem with him, licking into his mouth when Kun’s breathing hitched and his mouth fell open in a moan. 

For some reason, Kun’s orgasm came as a surprise to him, his groan laced with a bewildered gasp as the friction finally became too much and his constrained, sensitive cock finally unloaded, his muscles clenching and his mind hazy. His hips moved erratically at the sensation and they chased the feeling until he couldn’t anymore. As he came down, he realized he wasn’t really kissing Johnny anymore as much as just breathing against his mouth.

“Well,” Kun said finally. His voice was nowhere near as even as he wanted. “Now I need to change.”

The snicker Johnny let out was truly devious and Kun swatted him weakly. Any protests he had were swallowed up by Johnny surging forward and kissing him, his infectious laughter making it a little hard. Kun couldn’t bring himself to feel embarrassed when Johnny was so happy against him. 

“You’re so weird,” Kun said with a grin as they parted. “What other weird kinks do you have in that devious little brain of yours?”

“Do you want a bulleted list sent to your work email?” Johnny asked, laughing when Kun pushed him away, getting up on shaky legs. 

“Gross,” Kun emphasized but Johnny just smiled beatifically at him. “Did that even do anything for you?”

“It did  _ plenty _ for me,” Johnny gestured at his lap. “But I can wait. Get cleaned up.”

Kun did as told, mainly because he did feel gross. He made quick work of it, though, sliding into comfortable pyjamas quickly. He hastened to make his way back to Johnny only to freeze as he stepped out of his room. 

Johnny wasn’t doing anything particularly out of the ordinary but the sight still made Kun’s heart hammer, locking him in place so he wouldn’t ruin the moment for just a moment, for just enough time for Kun’s brain to commit this image to memory with a rose tint, none of the ugly mechanics of reality tainting it. 

Johnny was where he’d been a million times before, his back partially turned to Kun as he drank water from a glass. That could have been forgivable but Johnny had to go and place the glass on the sink, reaching for the dishwashing soap with ease, seemingly perfectly at home in this environment. Something about the familiar movements reeked of domesticity and sent equal parts warmth and ice racing through Kun’s veins. It was a beautiful image but one that would fade the second Kun stepped into it, reminding him it was a mirage and the truth was far more complicated and painful. 

Johnny only turned once the glass was dried and put back in the place it had come from. The smile on his face at the sight of Kun turned to soft confusion. 

“Are you okay?” Johnny asked, stepping forward. 

_ No _ , Kun wanted to say, because at that moment, he wasn’t and he didn’t want to lie. But it only took a deep breath to remind Kun of his situation and it wasn’t as hard as he had thought it would be to bring a smile to his face - perhaps he had gotten used to it.

“I’m fine,” Kun replied. Johnny looked at him oddly but didn’t push it. 

As much as Kun tried to be present, if asked later, he couldn’t remember what he had done or said that night after that moment, operating on autopilot, his mind loud blank static as he tried not to think about things that were better left unthought. 

It wasn’t until he was lying beside Johnny on his bed that Kun’s mind quieted down, if only due to sheer exhaustion. He hadn’t even gotten to return the favour to Johnny, who had waved his attempts aside and just threw an arm over his shoulder, putting something on the TV. It took reminding Johnny of his earlier complaints about how small the couch was for Johnny to join him in bed. Johnny was in his boxers and one of Kun’s looser shirts, his ankle hooked around Kun’s as he scrolled through his phone. 

Johnny must have felt Kun staring at him because he tore his eyes away from his phone, meeting Kun’s gaze with a slight, curious eyebrow tilt. When Kun didn’t say anything, his gaze softened. The click of the phone closing was audible as they were thrown into darkness. Even so, Kun felt Johnny shift as his hand cradled Kun’s jaw, thumb grazing his skin comfortingly. Kun’s eyes instinctively fluttered closed, as it was want to do with Johnny moving closer in such a way.

But surprisingly, instead of a body over him or a kiss against his lips, he felt a gentle press of lips against his temple and large arms encircling him. 

It felt as though all the air had been knocked out of him in this simple, unlit moment of innocent affection. Oddly, he felt like crying, a swelling of emotion constricting his throat that made it hard to breathe. However, with every gentle stroke of fingers through his hair and Johnny’s steady breathing - even in the face of Kun’s own sudden stillness, Kun felt himself slowly melt into the embrace. It wasn’t anything that had never been done before but at that moment, it was both comfort and damnation. 

Kun did not know how he was going to let go when the time came that he would inevitably have to.

He didn’t know when he fell asleep but waking up was an arduous process. He was warm, a bit too warm but any discomfort was held at bay by the presence of another person. It took barely a moment of consciousness to recognize the shape and smell of Johnny pressed against him. Kun instinctively snuggled closer before dozing off again. The thing to truly wake him was his alarm, blaring incessantly until Kun was conscious enough to try and figure out where he had left his phone. Johnny let out a noise of complaint as Kun got up, following his ears. He found it under Johnny’s on his side table, screen facing down so the light didn’t fill the room as usual. Kun spared a look at his window where light would normally be filtered through the curtains but not so much so that it would be this dark. 

Walking over and peeking through the curtain, he saw heavy clouds and a dark day, enforcing his wish to return to bed.

Unfortunately, he was an adult and jobs did not stop for cloudy days when it wasn’t even raining yet. Kun stretched, shaking himself as he looked over at Johnny, who had fallen back asleep. His blanket had been kicked off but Kun could feel the chill penetrating from outside and dragged the blanket over the sleeping form. Johnny curled up around it, tucking himself in, making Kun grin idiotically. 

Johnny was still sleeping by the time Kun finished his shower. He looked content enough that Kun didn’t have the heart to wake him for breakfast, instead making extra for him to heat up later. The morning routine would have been like any other day, if not for Kun’s knowledge that he wasn’t alone. It was - It was nice. 

He came back inside his room once he was ready to leave. 

“Hey,” He sat on the edge of the bed and gently pushed Johnny with absolutely no results. He pushed harder. “Hey!”

“What?” Came a grumble from behind a bundle of the blanket. 

“I’m leaving for work,” Kun spoke, softer than his previous prodding. “I left some breakfast covered in the kitchen and you’re welcome to whatever’s in the fridge. When is your next schedule?”

“Afternoon,” Johnny replied sleepily as he moved the blanket away from his face. Kun had to stop himself from cooing at the bleary eyed look he was getting from a messy haired Johnny behind a blanket. “You’re leaving?”

“Yeah, lock the door on your way out with the key, I have a spare,” Kun said, patting him for some unknown reason except that it just seemed like the right thing to do. “Don’t forget to eat.”

When he got an affirmative hum, he moved to get up only to have his wrist encircled by a hand that kept him in place. He looked down to see Johnny’s hand poking out of the side of the blanket, holding onto his wrist before his curious gaze when up to Johnny’s face. 

“Is there something you need?” Kun asked and Johnny nodded, pulling himself up until his face was inches from Kun’s. Kun inhaled sharply at the sudden closeness but didn’t move away. 

“Have a nice day,” Johnny whispered before stealing a quick kiss from Kun’s lips, falling back onto the bed and under the covers before Kun could respond. The fluttering of Kun’s insides from the intimacy of it was overtaken by the aching in his soul for the very same reason - it was intimacy based on a premise that wasn’t romantic.

Kun swallowed, looking down to where Johnny’s fingers still covered his wrist. He pulled his hand away and Johnny let him but Kun grabbed it before Johnny could hide it under the covers with the rest of him. Heart hammering, he leaned down to press his lips against the knuckles before placing it back down gently. 

“You too,” He replied, hoping his voice didn’t carry the swell of emotion that was ballooning inside him, before leaving. 

He waited until he was sitting on his desk at work before he took out his phone. 

**You**

\- not like you to submit your work late

**Ten**

\- ?

**You**

\- weren’t you going to set me up? wasn’t the whole dating thing your idea?

**Ten**

\- i said u should go on a couple of dates and if u still felt the same way, u shud tell him

\- u went on a couple of dates

\- u feel the same way

\- shud i continue

**You**

\- and i told you i won’t

\- i can’t

\- ten, it’s getting so

**Ten**

\- what?

\- complicated?

\- what did you expect

**You**

\- :(

\- i didn’t expect anything, this wasn’t exactly my brightest idea, u know

**Ten**

\- big sigh

\- i still think u should just confess

\- i rly think the response will be positive

\- now more than ever

**You**

\- and what makes u say that 

**Ten**

\- i dont have the proof you need to convince yourself if thats what ur asking

\- you’ll need a bit of courage for this

**You**

\- …

\- right anyway set me up 

**Ten**

\- no

**You**

\- wtf why

\- i want to date

**Ten**

\- ok u kno what

\- fine

\- i’ll get u a date

**You**

\- thank u

**Ten**

\- anything 4 u, my dumb bitch

Kun closed his phone and started his laptop, getting ready to get back to work before he froze, a thought occurring to him. His hand moved towards his phone but as soon as his laptop started, he got a notification about a urgent revision on one of the scripts. His hand wavered away.

It would be fine, he told himself as he read through the email and opened the document. Ten would know better than to set him up on a date with Johnny, as he had teased before. For one, all of Kun’s dates were informed beforehand about him and he doubted Johnny would show up on a  _ date _ date for Kun, no matter how much Ten wanted to play a cruel prank on him. Even Ten himself, Kun assured himself, wouldn’t be that mean. 

This soothed him enough for him to get into work and the conversation went to the recesses of his mind until it was all but forgotten, his thought processes highjacked by revisions and brainstorming about a new piece. 

In fact, he didn’t get much time to think about it for another few days since after a couple of hectic days at work where he didn’t really see Johnny in enough of an intimate capacity to really jumpstart his romantic panicking, Renjun sent him another draft of his novel, which occupied quite a bit of the free time Kun had left. It didn’t bother him - he enjoyed Renjun’s works and he was honoured that Renjun let him see such a raw, unedited version of it. 

It wasn’t until less than a week later that Kun got the notification.

**Ten**

\- yo romeo u free tomorrow after work 4 ya date

**You**

\- i mean i was planning on some composition time but like. Yeah

**Ten**

\- it needs 2 be tomorrow

\- the sooner im put out of my misery the better

\- dw its not johnny

Kun hadn’t really thought it was; the idea was far too outlandish but the confirmation was nice.

**You**

\- so who is it

**Ten**

\- no cheating

\- this is a BLIND date

**You**

\- pretty sure yuta and jw told me who it was

**Ten**

\- dont care

\- just show up at this restaurant n introduce urself

\- VIP room

Kun’s eyebrows raised. Was it a good idea to be in a private room for a first date? But Kun trusted Ten and Ten seemed to trust this date and Kun  _ really _ likes that restaurant.

**Ten**

\- its just cause the date is easily recognizable

**You**

\- :O

\- is it a celeb

\- idk if im down for smn famous

**Ten**

\- just show up oh mah gawd

\- if this doesnt work out u have to confess to johnny

**You**

\- uh no

**Ten**

\- ._.

**You**

\- absolutely not

**Ten**

\- u r infuriating 

\- i hope this works for u

**You**

\- thanks me 2

_ No, you don’t _ , a voice traitorously whispered inside his head. Kun rolled his eyes and mentally tried to swat it away. Of course, he wanted his date with someone who wasn’t Johnny to work out - maybe he could finally get over Johnny and his heart would stop clenching so painfully when Johnny did sweet, intimate things without any deeper meaning. 

**You**

\- do u know who ten’s setting me up with, i dont wanna go entirely blind

**Yuta**

\- uh no? i havent spoken to ten recently, been kinda swamped 

\- but despite his questionable outwear choices, ik he wont choose anyone weird ! not to fuck with u of all ppl anyway

**You**

\- ten wud literally do that, he loves teasing me

**Yuta**

\- yea abt dumb stuff

\- he knows ur like stupidly invested in this

\- he Care u ! 

**You**

\- its in a private room

**Yuta**

\- owo

\- u know ten knows famous ppl n influencers

\- get their autograph 4 me if theyre Real famous :D <3

**You**

\- no

**Yuta**

\- :(

\- good luck anyway :(

**You**

\- thank u

Kun wondered who it was Ten was setting him up with for a good moment before he accepted that worrying about it was useless. He would find out tomorrow and despite Ten’s mischievous personality, Yuta was right. Ten wouldn’t pick someone he didn’t think Kun would genuinely like if only to show up the other two if Kun actually did like this one. He put thoughts of the date aside to worry about tomorrow and went back to reading through the final pages of Renjun’s draft.

The rest of the evening was spent responding to Renjun’s 500 questions about his 500 comments and then making himself some dinner. By the time he went to bed, he was honestly thinking more about Renjun’s story than he was his date the following evening, even though  _ he _ had been the one to beg Ten to set him up. 

“Do we have some meeting with sponsors that I don’t know about?” Wonwoo asked the next day when he saw Kun. 

“Not that I’m aware of, no?” Kun replied, checking his Calender anyway. They thankfully did not; he was already going to stay later than usual to finish off some stuff before the weekend the following day. He didn’t need a sudden, unannounced meeting making his late for his date. 

“Then why are you dressed like that?” Wonwoo asked and Kun stopped, looking down. 

“Like what?” Kun frowned. “Isn’t it nice?”

“You look nice,” Wonwoo assured him. “I’ve just never seen you wear something this formal to work in like years.”

“Ah,” Kun flushed. “I have a date after work. I had some stuff to do and the restaurant is closer from here anyway so I didn’t want to have to go back home to change. It’s a private room so I didn’t want to dress too casually.”

“Oh, a date?” Wonwoo’s eyes shone and his mouth was already twitching mischievously. “With whom?”

“I actually don’t know,” Kun laughed. “My friend set me up.”

“A blind date?” Wonwoo actually looked concerned. “You know, those aren’t entirely safe! What if the other person turns out to be some obsessive axe murderer!”

“Don’t worry,” Kun said, shaking his head. “I trust Ten to not set me up with an axe murderer.”

“Well, you look nice,” Wonwoo said definitively and the words brought a small blush to Kun’s cheeks. “I hope it goes well.”

“Me too,” Kun mutters. His last two dates hadn’t particularly cared about what he was wearing but that didn’t stop him from dressing to impress. 

Kun set an alarm for when he would have to depart before getting lost in his work, knowing he had gotten lunch from home and wouldn’t really be leaving his desk that day until the work was done. And predictably, that’s how it went, with the only breaks to his flow being a picture Johnny sent of a cat he was petting on the street and Kun getting momentarily too distracted by a  _ really _ good song that came on shuffle. 

He only had to snooze his alarm twice before he finished everything, with 10 minutes to spare before he actually needed to leave. He closed up anyway since he was the only one left. It wouldn’t hurt to arrive a few minutes earlier than he had been planning. He could always wait outside if he didn’t want to seem too eager but Kun honestly thought that if anyone was turned off by that then he didn’t want to be with them anyway. 

The thought didn’t stop Kun from hesitating outside the restaurant. He had gotten a taxi instead of the bus and the driver had gotten him earlier than he had planned. What if the table was being used by someone else before their reservation? But he was only 15 minutes earlier, surely the staff wouldn’t cut it so close between reservations for private rooms? Since his hesitance cost him another four minutes, Kun decided to go in anyway.

It wasn’t a restaurant he came to often since it was on the pricier end so the staff didn’t really know him. He was politely escorted to the private room, being told his guest was already there. Something twisted in his gut at the knowledge but he kept his smile firm on his face. There was no reason to be nervous, he told himself. It was only the grand gesture of it all getting to him.

The host opened the door to the private room for him. 

“Sir, your guest is he-  _ are you okay _ ?” The host’s voice went high pitched in panic as Kun heard a thump. 

“I’m fine,” A chillingly familiar voice groaned. “Is your table okay?”

Kun froze. He hoped his distress wasn’t evident on his face but he wasn’t too cheerful about his luck. 

“The table is fine, Mr. Suh,” The host’s voice was indulgently resigned. “Would you like some ice for your foot?”

“No, no, that’s not necessary,” Johnny -  _ Johnny _ \- said with a charming laugh. Kun immediately took a step back. Maybe Kun could sneak away during the exchange - he wasn’t running away, he just needed to  _ think _ , he wasn’t sure what was going on. Ten had  _ said _ \- perhaps he was escorted to the wrong room? Maybe it was all a coincidence. 

“Sir?” The host looked at him, concerned. “Are you alright?”

Kun truly felt bad for the host. It probably was not in his job description to deal with a clumsy Johnny or a nauseously confused Kun but he did so with grace and a kind smile. 

“Thank you,” Kun choked out. “I’ll be right back.”

And with that, Kun turned on his heels and briskly walked back out. He distantly thought he heard someone call his name but he didn’t stop under the slightly cold evening air hit his flaming face. As soon as his head cleared a fraction, he whipped out his phone. Shaking fingers took him to his Phone app before he stabbed the name in his Favourites. To his credit, the call was picked up almost instantly. 

“Hey,” Ten sounded offensively nonchalant and Kun saw red. 

“I’m going to kill you,” He growled. He didn’t know his body could contain this much rage. How  _ dare _ Ten?

“Sure,” Ten hummed and his tone made Kun want to hang up and also fling his phone. Didn’t he  _ understand _ ? 

“This isn’t funny,” Kun snapped.

“Am I laughing?” Ten replied. He wasn’t.

“You said it wasn’t Johnny,”

“I lied,” The words fell easily from Ten’s tongue but they held none of his usual playful mischief. “I’d say I’m sorry but that would be another lie.”

“What did you do?” Kun pressed the bridge of his nose, trying to keep his desperation at bay. 

“I set you up with a friend of mine that I think you’ll really get along with,” Ten said. “Like you asked.”

“Ten, I really don’t have the patience for your bullshit right now,” It was already hard enough to push out entire sentences that weren’t screams. “Does he know?”

“Does Johnny know his date is supposed to be with you?” Ten confirmed. “Of course he knows. Unlike you, Johnny hasn’t been looking to date - until recently.”

“What’re you talking about?” Kun’s voice was shaky at best but he couldn’t do anything about that anymore. 

“All I did was ask Johnny if he wanted to go on a date with you today and he said yes,” Ten said plainly. “Everything else, you’ll have to ask him.”

Kun didn’t know what to say. Ask him? Ask him what? Kun’s mind was a mess, he didn’t have the coherence to be holding a fucking interrogation. He eyed a cab that whizzed by. 

“Kun,” Ten’s voice was unbearably kind and soft. “Trust me. Please. Go and talk to him.”

“You shouldn’t have told him,” Kun’s voice was barely a whisper.

“Would you believe me if I say I haven’t?” Ten sounded sad but resigned. “I can’t have this conversation with you until you talk to him.”

“What do I even  _ say _ ?”

“I know you’re not going to run away,” Ten said. “You wouldn’t do that to him. Go back inside, Kun. It’s just Johnny, you’ll know what to say.” And with that, Ten cut the line even as Kun stood frozen outside.

Just Johnny.  _ Just _ Johnny. It was never  _ just _ Johnny, not for Kun. But Ten was right. Kun couldn’t just leave him there in that private room. He didn’t know what any of it meant but his heart was heavy as he made his way back inside. He waved the hosts attempt to escort him aside and went alone. He only hesitated for a moment in front of the door before slipping in and sliding the door closed behind him without fanfare. 

He saw an unfathomable look on Johnny’s face when he turned before it shuttered to something cautiously neutral.

“Hey,” Johnny said slowly. Kun took a deep breath and sat opposite him. The room wasn’t incredibly spacious and was meant to house a longer table that they had switched out for a four person table.

“Hey,” Kun replied softly. “Are you okay? What happened?”

“Ah, you know me,” Johnny said sheepishly, rubbing the back of his neck. “I startled and hit my foot and almost made the cutlery fall.” The image normally would have pulled a smile out of Kun but not then.

“Why were you startled? Didn’t you know I was coming?” Kun asked, his eyes still on the table as his fingers played with the chopsticks.

“No, I knew,” Johnny replied. Kun could feel him looking at him. “Ten told me he didn’t tell you, though.”

“And you just let him lie to me?” There was more bite in Kun’s words than he intended but he couldn’t help it.

“I wasn’t aware that he lied to you,” Johnny said before sighing. “Look, I just -”

For once, words seemed to fail the illustrious Johnny Suh. It would almost make Kun pity him if he wasn’t feeling so raw himself. 

“Why are you here?” Kun asked bluntly instead.

“Because I wanted to go on a date with you,” Johnny replied instantly and the metal chopsticks between Kun’s fingers clattered onto the plate. 

“Since when?” The noise that came out of Kun was some mixture of laughter and a cough.

“When did I realize it? About two weeks ago,” Johnny sounded far too put together but when Kun finally pulled his gaze up to look at him, he looked - well, he looked  _ nervous _ . “Since when have I had those feelings? I can’t say but it’s been a while. Ten informed me we already acted like we were together before we even started hooking up so - I don’t know. I’ve thought about it a lot but I can’t pinpoint a starting point, sorry.”

“Don’t apologize,” Kun said instantly. He didn’t want apologies. He didn’t even know what he wanted - he didn’t know what he was hearing. 

“I should have just come to you when I realized what I felt,” Johnny admitted. “But I was scared.”

“Of what?” Kun couldn’t help his incredulity. Scared of  _ him _ ?

“I don’t know,” Johnny flailed his arms. “I just - I didn’t want to ruin our friendship! Not that I thought you’d let something like that ruin our friendship but - look, it wasn’t rational, okay. I just thought that maybe this was a better way than, I don’t know, showing up at your place at 2 in the morning or talking about it in a coffee shop or -” Johnny trailed off, his arms crossing over his chest. Kun just looked at him, processing his words.

Kun couldn’t blame him for his actions, he knew all too well the feeling of irrational cowardice himself. He knew Johnny took a huge leap of faith that even Kun himself couldn’t have taken by even knowing up  _ knowing _ that- Wait. Hold on. 

“You  _ like  _ me?” Kun blurted out as the fact hit him square in the best, making his heart stutter.

“Yes, that’s what I’ve been saying,” Johnny replied, bewildered.

“Like,  _ like _ like me?” Kun had to clarify, even if the words sounded juvenile to him as soon as they were vocalized. Johnny blinked at him before letting out a small laugh. 

“Kun, I do believe I’m in love with you at this point,” He said with a twinkle in his eyes, a fond smile on his lips.

Oh. 

_ Oh _ .

“Wait, like, romantically?” Kun asked, just to be extra sure. 

“Well, I spent a significant portion of the past week and a half fantasizing about our future three children and pets so yeah, pretty romantically,” Johnny’s laugh was weak. “What about you?”

“Me?” What about him?

“Do you, perhaps, feel similarly?” Johnny bit his lip. “We can just date first if you’re not sure but are you willing to -”

“I’m in love with you too,” Kun said, before adding helpfully. “Romantically.”

There was a beat of silence and then Johnny inhaled, as though remembering to breathe. 

“Since when?” Johnny asked, his voice somewhat hysterical. It was endearing.

“Too long to remember,” Kun replied. “I don’t remember ever not being disgustingly in love with you, why?”

“I - well,” Johnny sputtered before swallowing. The way he was growing red was downright adorable. “Wait, so you knew when we started - you know?”

“Fucking?” Kun asked innocently, smiling when Johnny looked away with red cheeks. “Yes, I’m self aware, Johnny.”

“Why didn’t you say anything?”

“This seems very deja-vu,” Kun sighed, leaning back on his chair. “I was scared to ruin our friendship. I didn’t know if you felt the same way and - I was right, wasn’t I? You literally realized a week and a half ago while I’ve been stewing in this hell for years.”

“I’ll make up for it,” Johnny promised. His hand found its way on top of Kun’s at the table and butterflies went absolutely batshit in his stomach. 

“You are quite oblivious, Johnny Suh,” Kun said but he flipped his hand under Johnny’s, intertwining their fingers. “There’s nothing to make up for.”

“Does this mean you’ll let me date you?” Johnny asked with a hint of wonder in his voice, echoing Kun’s own swelling sense of awe. It was such a heartachingly sweet way to put it, so  _ Johnny _ . 

“Weren’t you fantasizing about children or something?” Kun said with a laugh. 

“Okay, listen, I have a plan: 1) Convince you to date me 2) Woo you on the dates so you’ll agree to be my boyfriend 3) Be the best boyfriend ever so that -” Johnny started ticking off each task on his fingers, only stopping at Kun’s laughter. 

“I’m serious,” Johnny pouted. “I didn’t account for you already being in love with me but - still!”

“I think we can skip to step 3,” Kun replied. He held himself back from kissing the pout away.

“But I wanna,” Johnny’s pout grew more pronounced, as did his wide brown eyes. And well - Kun could hardly deny him anything. He found himself nodding. 

“Let’s date, then,” He said and Johnny grinned brightly at him. “You should know I don’t put out on the first date.”

“We’ll see about that,” Johnny replied smoothly before picking up the menu. Kun blinked, realizing they were at a restaurant and they hadn’t even ordered yet. “Let’s order?”

Their hands stayed linked on top of the table until they absolutely had to pull away to eat. Kun made the mistake of asking Johnny how he figured out how he felt but the response sent Kun choking so they stuck to safer topics, talking about their day at work and what they’ve been up to while they’ve been apart. It’s so similar yet - it’s not. It’s different because they’re on a  _ date _ and it’s evident every time Johnny flushes pink or when their hands wander back to each other or the way Kun would sneak wonderous glances at Johnny to ensure that this was  _ real _ and happening. 

They stayed in the restaurant for far too long, losing track of time until there was a pronounced knock on the door, letting them know their reservation time was almost up.

“Should we split it?” Kun asked, pulling out his wallet. He froze when he saw the scandalized look on Johnny’s face. “What?”

“It’s on me,” Johnny insisted. Kun looked at him, then shrugged, knowing full well that they would overstay their welcome at the restaurant if they got into it over the bill. He’d take over next time - if there would be a next time. 

Once the thought entered Kun’s head, he frowned and tried to will it away. Johnny had said he was  _ in love _ \- and oh, the shiver that sent down his spine - but that had been before the date. What if he had been on a date with Kun and realized he was mistaken? Kun was still walking on a tightrope, thinking it was too good to be true.

“Let me drop you home?” Johnny asked as they stepped outside. Kun hummed in agreement, his heart leaping when Johnny nodded and reached for his hand, intertwining their fingers before leading him to where his car was parked. 

It couldn’t be that easy, Kun pondered as he looked out the fleeting night lights beyond the window. All that heartache could be resolved so simply. There had to be a catch and Kun, even in the comfortable quiet of the car, was waiting for the other shoe to drop. He had spent too long feeling that way to be able to simply dispel all such emotion in the wake of a heartfelt confession. 

They slowed to halt in front of Kun’s apartment building and Kun let out a shaky sigh, knowing it was time to break the peace. Before he could say anything though, Johnny hit his hazard lights and got out of the car. Kun looked around in bewilderment. Sure, it was late and they weren’t exactly at a central city hub and there were minimal cars around, all passing by easily swerving the still car without hassle. Still, Kun knew there had to be laws against this sort of thing. Especially when done to  _ open Kun’s door _ . 

“You didn’t have to do that,” Kun said weakly as he got out. Johnny grinned at him.

“I wanted to! I walk my dates to their door,” Johnny replied brightly.

“What if you get fined?”

“It’s okay, I’ll pass it off as a date expense!”

Kun looked at Johnny judgmentally as he closed the passenger seat door. 

“Do my spending habits turn you off?” Johnny teased as they walked towards the door. 

“I just don’t think it’s economical when you can just park and walk,” Kun said but it was with a smile. He really hoped Johnny didn’t incur a fine on his behalf. He stood on the step of his apartment building and turned. Even as such, he wasn’t as tall as Johnny. 

Normally, this was where he would politely say ‘Thank you for tonight’ or ‘I had a nice time’ or something of that sort, all of which went right out the window as his eyes met Johnny’s gaze. All he could focus on was the warmth behind the amber and the thumping of his own heart.

“So,” Johnny said and he sounded almost hesitant. Something dropped in Kun’s belly. Would this be where he said he didn’t enjoy the date and they should stay as friends, perhaps? “I really enjoyed tonight.”

Oh.

“Did you?” Johnny prodded with a frown when Kun didn’t respond. Kun wanted to reach across and smooth the frown with his fingers. Of course, his brain suddenly couldn’t differentiate between  _ want _ and  _ go ahead and do it _ and Kun’s hand went up out of its own volition, pressing against Johnny’s forehead. Johnny went cross-eyed trying to follow the hand and then just looked at Kun in confusion. 

“Don’t frown,” Kun muttered, looking at this traitorous hand but making no effort to take his hand back. Suddenly, the night was much warmer than it had been. “Of course, I enjoyed myself.”

“Enough for another date?” Johnny looked so  _ hopeful _ , Kun didn’t know if he wanted to grin or sob. His hand fell to Johnny’s shoulder instead and he played with the fabric there. 

“Haven’t I already told you I’m in love with you?” Whispered in the quiet night, it seemed like a new confession all over again, raw in its truth. 

“That was before you went on a date with me,” Johnny replied. “What if you changed your mind?”

_ You think I’d switch my years of pining out in a few hours? _  Kun wanted to retort but he remembered his own similar fear and refrained, instead smiling softly. 

“I haven’t,” Kun braced himself. “Have you?”

“Of course not,” Johnny scoffed before shuffling closer. They would almost be eye to eye if Kun tiptoed just a little. “I’m still in love with you too.”

The tone was just defensive enough that the ridiculousness of the situation made Kun laugh. They’d fallen into bed together with less metaphorical stumbling. 

“Okay, okay,” Kun said soothingly. “Thank you for the date tonight. Let’s do this again.”

“Is this where I get my goodbye kiss?” Johnny asked, wincing exaggeratedly when Kun lightly swatted his hand. 

“Don’t you want to take it slow?” Kun teased, even as he moved closer. “This is only our first date.”

“Mm, not particularly,” Johnny replied in a low voice.

The kiss wasn’t the passionate debacle Kun had imagined nor did it hold the chaste sweetness of first date kisses. In the press of lips held words they couldn’t articulate, heartachingly tender - cautious at first but getting braver with a small gasp. Arms encircled Kun’s waist, bringing him closer as his fingers combed through Johnny’s hair. Johnny’s mouth moving against his grounded him in the delicate moment they were in. 

It was hard to step away even as they pulled apart, still so close that Kun could feel Johnny’s breath on his face, mingling with his.

Kun’s hands tightened on where they had fallen to the lapels of Johnny’s coat, the cloth crumbled in his grip.

“Stay,”

“I thought you didn’t put out on the first date,” The teasing tone fell short at Johnny’s own breathlessness. 

“You don’t want to?” Kun asked, tilting his head.

“I never said that,” Johnny rushed to say. “Let’s go.”

Kun pulled away despite Johnny’s complaining whine. 

“Go park your car first,” Kun said, biting down a smile unsuccessfully. 

Johnny sighed, looking back at his car and then at Kun before looking back at his car beseechingly, as though willing it to disappear. When the car didn’t magically self park itself, Johnny sighed, pressing a quick kiss against Kun’s cheek before stepping away. 

“I’ll be right up,” He said mournfully.

“I’ll be waiting,” Kun replied. He didn’t enter the building until the car was out of sight. As the car rounded the corner, Kun made his way upstairs in somewhat of a daze. The first thing he did once his shoes and jacket were off was take out his phone. 

Ten’s name looked back up at him from his phone’s recent calls list and his thumb hovered over it. He hit call before he could convince himself to wait. 

“Hey,” Ten picked up immediately. “How did it go? Are you okay? In one piece?”

“I’m fine,” Kun interrupted but that didn’t seem to stop Ten’s rambling.

“Fine? Just fine? You’re not, like, ecstatic or something? Did something go wrong?”

“Nothing went wrong,” Kun started to say, clenching his fist when Ten steamrolled on.

“Did it go  _ right _ , though? Maybe I shouldn't have interfered-”

“Ten,” Kun raised his voice. “Maybe if you let me answer your questions.”

“Right,” Ten quietened. “Tell me.”

Kun took a deep shuddering breath. There was a lot to tell but right then, only a few words came up.

“Thank you,” Kun said and he heard Ten’s sharp intake of breath. “For this.”

“Don’t thank me,” Ten said fondly, though his voice was oddly sniffling. “I take it that it went well?”

“Yeah,” Kun let out a small laugh. “I’ll tell you about it soon.”

“You better,” Ten insisted, his voice suspiciously watery. There was only a moment of silence before he wailed, “I’m so happy for you!”

Kun pulled the phone away from his ear just as Johnny opened the door and entered, looking at Kun with a question in his eyes. 

“It’s Ten,” He told Johnny before putting the phone back to his ear. “Why are  _ you _ crying?”

“Because I put a lot on the line for this,” Ten continuing sniffle-talking. “What if it didn’t work out and I lost both of my best friends? Do you know how hard this was for me?”

“Ten thinks he would have lost both of us if his scheme didn’t work out,” Kun told Johnny.

“That’s ridiculous,” Johnny said, loudly enough that the mic on Kun’s phone would pick it up.

“ _ You’re _ ridiculous,” Ten snapped back childishly, making a noise as though he was sticking out his tongue.

“Are you okay?” Kun asked fondly. 

“I’ll be fine,” Ten sighed. “I’ve got dumb and dumber here with me for a sleepover.”

The simultaneous “Hey!”’s from Hendery and Yangyang made Kun smile. 

“I’ll talk to you later,” Kun said and Ten hummed, his emotional state explosive but fleeting. 

“Love you,” Ten muttered before gasping. “Can I still say that?”

“Of course, you can,” Kun rolled his eyes. “Love you too.”

“Is Johnny burning with jealousy right now?” Ten asked eagerly. Johnny was leaning casually against the breakfast bar, waiting for Kun to finish his call. Feeling Kun’s eyes on his, he met his eyes and gave him a questioning look. 

“Yes,” Kun replied blithely. “He’s absolutely tormented with jealousy at the thought of his best friend telling his -” Kun stopped. He put his phone down, covering the mic before asking Johnny, “Wait, what are we?”

“Boyfriends, I was hoping,” Johnny replied in amusement. Kun ignored the way his heart rabbited at the sound of that and nodded, putting the phone back to his ear.

“- at the thought of his best friend telling his boyfriend he loves him,” Kun continued only to wince when Ten squealed inhumanely loud, sounding like a spooked cat at best.

“ _ You’re boyfriends! _ ” 

“You’re being ridiculous, good night,” Kun said, even though Ten was just verbalizing Kun’s own emotions. 

“Okay, okay, I won’t keep you from your  _ boyfriend _ any longer,” Ten said, his smile evident in his voice. “Tell Johnny I love him.”

“Ten loves you,” Kun told Johnny.

“I love you too, Ten,” Johnny called out.

“Not like he loves you, don’t worry, we’ve talked about this,” Ten assured Kun. “Our love, while transcendent and deep, is purely platonic and -”

“Ten, I know,” Kun cut him off, fondly exasperated. 

“I know, I know,” Ten huffed. “Good night.”

He hung up before he could continue rambling and Kun looked at his phone disbelievingly. 

“Tormented with jealousy, huh?” Johnny’s amused voice came and Kun looked up to find him closer than before. 

“Ten knows I’m messing with him,” Kun said dismissively before tugging Johnny closer and leaning up to kiss him. 

It should have felt familiar but, while not entirely foreign, each press of lips and exploratory lick felt new. The implication behind the actions had shifted and Kun no longer felt the heavy heart or the guilty tugs, knowing this was  _ his _ for as long as he was allowed to keep it. When he muttered ‘Love you’ against Johnny’s neck, he could feel Johnny hum of acknowledgement against his lips. 

Somewhere between laughter laced kisses and wandering hands, Kun found himself being pressed down on his bed. He heard a clatter and realized his phone had finally slipped from his hand. Johnny paid no heed, though, continuing his exploration of Kun’s mouth, whining when Kun pulled away.

“My phone,” Kun said breathlessly, his lips brushing against Johnny’s.

“It’s fine,” Johnny replied grumpily, swallowing Kun’s laughter with his mouth until Kun tugged him away again. 

“It’s not fine, I’m not you,” Kun protested. “I throw my phone around.”

“Exactly, which means you’ve got a cover  _ and _ a screen protector on that thing, it’s fine,” Johnny insisted, looking positively chagrined that Kun was thinking about his  _ phone _ was Johnny was hovering over him. Kun moved his face away when Johnny leaned in again, only to be awarded a pout worthy of  _ some _ award. 

“Let me pick up my phone,” Kun insisted and Johnny let out a dramatic sigh. 

“I’ll get it,” He groaned, pushing himself up. Immediately, Kun felt bereft. Johnny did bend down and pick up Kun’s phone, making sure it was alright before placing it on the side table and looking at Kun. “Happy.”

“Yeah,” Kun grinned. He smiled against Johnny’s lips when he moved back into place, his body a warm and comforting weight over Kun.

They weren’t kissing with any particular direction, lazy and a bit messy. Even as things heated up, Kun was as pliant as ever under Johnny, letting him discard their clothing on the floor beside the bed, not even finding it in himself to reprimand him when Johnny’s hands were in all the right places, pulling other, more pleasurable noises out of Kun easily. 

Kun was content to hand over the reins to Johnny, his body moving and arching in reaction to experimental hands and fingers, flushing when Johnny pressed praises against sensitive skin, biting blooming bruising onto the tender, yielding skin. 

“Who knew all it would take was me admitting my love for you to let yourself be taken care of?” Johnny said as he worked slick fingers in, Kun’s body relaxing slowly around him as stinging turned to pleasure. 

“Don’t think I can’t take over even if you’re fucking me,” Kun’s warning was undercut by the way his voice sounded wrecked. Johnny, however, nodded fervently. 

“I know, I know,” A placating kiss turned filthy. “I like seeing you like this.”

Under Johnny’s gaze, Kun liked being seen, even if Johnny seemed overly concerned about preparation as a guise to take his time and swallow every impatient, needy noise. But he couldn’t deflect Kun’s pleading (“Bossy,” Johnny huffed fondly.) for too long, the insistence dying out in his throat as Johnny finally pressed into him. 

Kun knew Johnny was going to say something snarky and he pulled him down with shaking hands, kissing the words out of his mouth, the movement of his body urging Johnny to move. Demanding lips and hands made Johnny lose his coherency. Kun felt almost feverishly warm but he kept Johnny close, broken words of encouragement falling by Johnny’s ears, until Kun could barely breathe, let alone vocalize coherent words. 

It was both familiar and new; falling into a state of moving messily together, chasing, chasing. This time, there was no fear of crashing. Kun laughed breathlessly, thinking about how ridiculously sappy it was that he was thinking about being loved in metaphors at a moment like that but being so close to freefall made strange things pop up in one's mind. It all vanished when Kun’s body finally gave out, movement turning erratic as his mind blanked with waves upon waves of pleasure.

The first thing he saw when he came to himself and had the presence of mind to open his eyes was Johnny looking fondly at him.

“What?” Kun’s voice was raspy and he winced.

“Love you,” Johnny replied. The intimacy in his tone made Kun flush and the way he was spread out ensured Johnny saw it by how he smiled. 

“You can’t just  _ say _ stuff like that,” Kun muttered. Johnny pulled out and Kun bit his lip to keep his gasp in. “Did you -?”

“Why, are you telling me,” Johnny started, sounding dramatically floored and Kun groaned, already knowing the answer. “That I fucked you so well, you didn’t have the presence of mind to notice anything else?”

“There’s no need to get cocky about it,” Kun retorted, already smiling so hard, it hurt his face a little. 

“There absolutely is,” Johnny said, sitting up. “This will go into my Greatest Achievements of my Life list.”

“You’ve already got me, you’re laying the flattery on a bit thick, aren’t you?” Kun replied.

“No, I’m not,” The kiss was more a press of lips than anything else. “I’ll be right back.”

Kun’s mind was blissfully lethargic, waiting patiently until Johnny came back with water and a wet towel. It wasn’t until Kun was tucked in warm beside Johnny, clean and hydrating, a blanket covering them both, that he realized how exhausted he was. Sleep would come easily but - Kun tugged at Johnny’s fingers from where they were holding hands.

“Hm?” Johnny sounded just as sleepy, shifting closer.

“Love you too,” Kun replied, smiling when he was held tighter, feeling Johnny’s grin against his shoulder. He was right; sleep did come easily.

Kun woke up slowly, then all at once, body sitting upright the moment last night's events sunk in. He looked beside him, spotting Johnny’s slumbering form, far too used to Kun moving around in his sleep to be awakened. He narrowed his eyes suspiciously. How could he confirm it hadn’t been a dream without embarrassing himself incase it had?

He reached for his phone, freezing when Johnny groaned under him.

“Go back to sleep,” Kun said, taking his phone and sitting up with his back against the headboard. Johnny let out a noise of affirmation.

Nothing in Kun’s phone was helpful. He had called Ten, hadn't texted, so there was no evidence. Should he call Ten again?

“What are you doing?” Came Johnny’s scratchy, sleepy voice. Kun looked down at him. He had pulled the blanket up to his nose but his eyes were warm until strands of hair. 

“Did we -” Kun hesitated but then decided to bite the bullet. “Last night  _ happened _ , right?”

“Yes,” Johnny’s sleepy confusion was adorable but unhelpful. 

“Like we - it’s not the same as before, right?” Kun emphasised. 

“Are you asking me if we did indeed confess to each other and decide to date?” Johnny asked, bewildered. 

“Just making sure,” Kun said, warmth spreading right down to his toes.

“Why is it so impossible?”

“I woke up to a different reality a lot,” Kun admitted. Johnny reached out under the blanket, feeling for Kun’s hand. 

“Are you busy today?” Johnny asked. 

“Not really,”

“Would it be moving too fast if I asked if you wanted to have our second date today?” Johnny asked, face still half hidden. Kun raised his eyebrows at him. 

“Yes, because our relationship is so bound by acceptable social conventions,” Kun replied a bit incredulously. “It’s not like we started this with a handjob.”

“That was a great handjob,” Johnny sighed dreamily before shaking his head. “I’m asking if you want to go on a date with me today?”

“Do you want to stay in with me today instead?” Kun offered. The way Johnny tugged him under the covers and kissed him even with their disgusting morning breath was answer enough.

Later, they would get up and get out of bed. Perhaps Kun’s heart wouldn’t attempt to escape his ribcage when he’d see Johnny fitting easily into his home life, though he doubted it. He knew for sure, though, that it would no longer be tinged with longing and sadness. That he could have this - keep this. There would be more confirmation of love until even the most cautious part of the recesses of Kun’s mindfully realized this new reality. 

For now, though, they stayed in their cocoon filled with warmth and laughter. Kun was, at that moment, perfectly content.

**Epilogue**

Ten straightened his posture for what felt like the 20th time. This was taking longer than he thought and he partially blamed it on the party behind him but he remained cross legged in the corner, waiting patiently.  _ He _ could be stubborn too. 

He looked back at the outdoor seating a few feet away, frowning when he saw a figure approach. He was on a stealth mission and all his hopes of being hopes of tranquillity were dashed when he recognized the figure. 

“Hey,” At least Hendery had the sense to keep his voice low even as he plopped down beside Ten with far too much energy. “What’re you doing out here alone?”

“Trying to gain the trust of a kitten hiding behind those bushes,” Ten replied in a low voice. “You’re not helping.”

“Sorry,” Hendery’s response was a whisper. “Is that for the kitty?”

He was pointing at the bits of meat placed on foil paper Ten had put in front of him. Ten nodded, going back to waiting patiently for the cat. 

“You know it’ll come out if we just leave?” Hendery said, breaking the silence.

“It looked hurt,” Ten replied. “Besides, I want to be its friend.”

“What if it gets attached to you and doesn’t leave you alone?” Hendery pointed out. Ten shrugged, thinking back to the two cats back in his apartment. Hendery nodded. They fell into silence. 

The bushes rustled before a dangerously small kitten cautiously stepped out. It kept its eyes on Ten and Hendery but the smell of food perhaps overrode its survival instinct. It was a tabby, with matted white hair and ginger spots. Ten’s heart ached when it limped forward slowly. 

“It’s really hurt,” Hendery’s voice made the cat freeze but Ten counted it as a win that it didn’t scamper back into the bushes.

“Poor kitty,” Ten tutted. The kitten unfroze when it noticed that, even though the humans were watching it, they made no attempt to grab it. It inched closer and closer until, with a swift move, it grabbed a piece of chicken in its mouth and ran away with it, stopping only when it noticed the humans weren’t following. Ten couldn’t help laughing at the nomming noises the kitten made as it dug into its meal. This continued a handful more times until all the food was eaten. 

The noise behind Ten had also lowered and he looked back to see a far sparser crowd. Even from the distance, though, he could make out the couple slow dancing in the middle of the dance floor. Yuta’s new bright red hair was a dead giveaway.

“Can you believe those hags are engaged?” Hendery said with absolutely no bite in his voice, even a hint of wistful fondness. 

Ten could believe it. He was simply surprised Doyoung had worked up the courage to propose to Yuta before Johnny had to Kun. Ten had a bet with Sicheng about who would get engaged first and while he had lost, he was sure Johnny or Kun would pop the question any day now. After all, they’d been ‘dating’ for less than a year but as far as Ten was concerned, it had been millennia after all the time they’d spent being together in everything but name. 

A small meow interrupted Ten’s train of thought and he looked down at the kitten that was back to standing in front of them, closer than ever. Ten slowly extended a hand to it and waited for it to come closer, sniffing curiously.

It took a while for Ten to gain its trust but Ten understood. In the time Ten had been there, he hadn’t seen any other cat around. Taking its matted fur and sprained leg into account as well as the way it seemed in no hurry to go anywhere, Ten figured it was a lonely stray, separated long ago from its litter. It was on the small side, malnutrition but Ten hoped not dangerously so. By the time it clambered onto Ten’s palm (It  _ fit _ on  _ Ten’s palm _ .), Ten knew it was ridiculously, partially by the way Hendery seemed to have dozed off beside him. 

The kitten was warm but not feverishly so, and Ten really thought it had a chance. As it was, he knew he was far too attached to let go. The cat dug its claws into Ten’s flesh when Hendery moved beside him but Ten soothed it with a gentle pat.

“Don’t be scared of this dumbass,” Ten told it once it started intermittently purring again. “I know he’s big and floppy but he’s harmless.”

Hendery didn’t protest Ten’s words, pressing against his side and resting his chin on Ten’s shoulder. He took out his phone, dimming the brightness. 

“The nearest 24 hour vet is an hour away,” Hendery said after a moment. “I can steal Xiaojun’s car.”

“Theft it is, then,” Ten nodded before holding up the kitten, who by now seemed content to let Ten manhandle it slowly. “Be gay, do crimes, little one.”

“Maybe impart your wisdom on it later,” Hendery said with a laugh, pulling away and taking his warmth with him. “Let’s go, it’s ridiculously late anyway.”

The jostling of them getting up made the kitten clamber onto Ten’s shoulder for some reason, its claws digging through the dress shirt. Still, Hendery walked close enough that Ten didn’t worry about the animal toppling over. It was unbelievably small.

“Ten,” Kun said as soon as he saw him. “Why are you holding a cat like a parrot?”

“Maybe it  _ wants  _ to be a parrot, Kun, have you considered that?” Ten snarked back. He didn’t know what Kun was even still doing here at the late hour. Surely it was past his bedtime? As his gaze wandered to the other guests left, he spotted Chenle and Jeno in the corner, stilled hyped on  _ something _ and he understood. 

“It’s so cute,” Johnny said emotionally. “Babe, we should get a cat.”

“Mhm, sure,” Kun patted his boyfriend's hand. The look in his eye told Ten to get that cat away before Johnny got any serious ideas.

“We’re stealing Xiaojun’s car, make sure he goes home with Chenle,” Ten said.

“Drive safe,” Kun said. “Let Hendery drive. Don’t let the cat run around in the car.”

Ten nodded before making his way towards the couple of the night. They were sitting alone on a table, which was valid because they were being nauseatingly affectionate. Hendery had ducked off to get the car keys from Xiaojun, where ever the fuck that one was. Ten had to deal with Doyoung sitting on Yuta’s lap while Yuta looked up at him with the same lovesick expression Ten had been on him when they had first started dating. Disgusting. 

“Okay, future husbands,” Ten greeted, rolling his eyes when Yuta grinned brightly at the moniker. “I bid you farewell. Have a wonderful life together, all that jazz.”

“Thank you,” Doyoung sounded so earnest, Ten almost patted him. He would have if it weren’t for the cat on his shoulder. 

“I’m really happy for you guys,” The words were a stark contrast to his earlier teasing, these words sincere and soft. Doyoung looked at him with wide, almost tearful eyes. God, he really did drink a bit too much, didn’t he?

“Let’s bounce,” Hendery appeared right on time. Ten was fearing Doyoung might do something weird, like  _ hug _ him. Ten nodded and followed, saying goodbye one last time and shouting it to everyone in the area, earning himself another few stabs from the cat. It growled in protest.

“I’m sorry,” Ten told it as they waited for the valet to bring the car. “It’s a very important day for my closest friends and here I am, taking you to the vet. Be patient.”

The car didn’t take long. In an unknown surrounding, once Ten sat down, the cat seemed more eager to sit on his lap than his shoulder. Ten smiled to himself as the small creature burrowed against his stomach. 

He would take care of it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> [deep breath]  
> AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA  
> it's over! not gonna lie, it was hard towards the end but i got it done eventually and i'm super proud of myself for that.  
> i really hope you enjoyed this! please let me know your feedback in the comments, or on my twitter @nyankamoto or my cc, also @nyankamoto!

**Author's Note:**

> let me know ur thoughts and comments below or at twitter @nyankamoto or on my curiouscat http://curiouscat.me/nyankamoto


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